Help, Im confused lost and helpless

[gin]

So last night we had some friends overfor a party, one of them the girl i want to ask about. I've known her since i was 6 althogh after i turned 8 she moved to a country town which i moved to three years ago now. Anyway back to the story, her me and my sister were just talking my sister then decides to go on her computer for awhile. I myself being a mmo player I wanted to go on my computer, although after my sister left she stopped me. Then we kinda mucked around a little and we end up kissing, it was my first kiss but it wasnt just a kiss it was a full on pash. I had always been attracted to thi girl but I knew i wasnt good enough for her, I have never had a girlfriend, and im not paticulary ugly, and I am fairly fit, although I am quite a video gamer. I had never made a move on her before, and didnt expect this but it made me so happy. She also began stimulating me, and i was feeling her chest. I had never even been this close to a girl and I reather enjoyed it although we stopped there and soon she had to leave. Today I was texting her and I told her that i would like to go to a moovie with her, she said she would love to but to no tell anyong because she is not my girlfrind but a "friend with benefits" she did admit to me she can be a bit slutty, although i would never of expcted her to be. Ive always though ive had feeling for another girl but this is not the same, I actually dont want to be "friends with benfits" I just want to show her how much I loved her I dont care about anything else, and I am really worried that she dosent actually love me and that I will never be good enough, its as if i want to throw myself infront of a truck because it would be less painfull than not having her, but if i confess to her she might not like me at all. I dont know what to do and I know that if she dose not agree with how i feel I wont be able to live with the pain. I thoguht I knew what love felt like because i thought i felt for another girl but it was a illusion of what i thought and wanted to be love but this feels differnt its as if id jump from a building just to be with her, I cant even think of not being with her, and if I was without her i dont think i could live like that, but i cant go on without missing a perfect cahnce which i will always regret. Im so confused and this is so hard i dont know what to do. Whithout her I feel like a dog without a owner and I am nothing, it feels as is she is my reason to be with her, I dont even care about my video games anymore, all i can do is think of her and worry about not being good ebough for her and never being her lover, I just want to hold her in my arms and give her anything she wants, i dont even care for my own feelings i just want her to be happy.

Im sorry if this is confusing or dosent make scense, but its how it seems for me too. I cant think strait or dont know what to do, we are both 16 turning 17 this year. I dont want to look like a idiot but this is all i can think off somone help please

[smackie9]

Your almost 17 and that was your first kiss? Your feelings are out of control because you lack any kind of experience. Dude, she is being very up front about her intentions and she also explained to you she is not the type to have a relationship with. So get this "I'm in love" crap out of your head right now, because this is real....she is not into you in that way and it will not be happening anytime soon. All she wants is sex, and you will not be exclusive to her either. She wants to keep her options open to other guys, period. As the song goes, "You can't always get what you want". It's one of life's lessons that we all have to learn sooner or later.

Tip: never ever give a girl your heart right off the start. They must earn it. Girls are NOT to be put up on a pedestal because when you do you are being a wuss and you will get walked on all over, and crushed. Don't be a fool. If you are wanting love you won't find it with this girl.

[xxazurexx]

lol, loved that phrase 'I feel like a dog without an owner'...first time I've heard that one.

Agree with the above ^^