What do you do when...

[girl68]

You believe in something but your friend refuses to aknowledge the issue? Here's the story:

My friend Mary is getting married in July, she's chinese in fact she's a chinese little snob. By that I mean she thinks that all chinese people are better than anyone else. Says things like: "really chinese people would never...". Anyways chinese people eat this expensive ass shark fin soup (upwards of $100 a bowl). The demand for this soup is huge, it's mostly a status thing NOT a cultural thing.

Anyways myself, my guy and one of our mutual very good friends (Anne) believe strongly that shark fining is a very dangerous practice. Let me explain just a little. Shark finning is done illegally, it is done in mass amounts with no regulation, it fetches such an enourmous price the appeal to kill is like nothing else. Sharks are fished regardless of species the fins are cut from it's body while the shark is still alive struggling to breathe, and the full body is thrown back into the water- alive. The shark meat is never used, the demand is solely for the fins. The shark dies not being able to swim or breathe (sharks need to swim to pass water through their gills in order to breathe). Anyways it is a cruel heartless practice. And due to no regulations and over fishing sharks (all species) are on the verge of extinction- fact. Shark fin actually has no taste, it also does not have any dreamed up health benefits. It is purely served as status. Okay, so obvioulsy we are DEAD SET against shark fin soup.

So my friend Anne, tries to get Mary to reconsider serving this soup she points out things like I do. Mary argues that there are "other ways to be green". Everyone would like Mary to watch the movie sharkwater (as this is the movie that did us in...) and then to really think about this issue. Mary has refused to watch the movie and claims that she's a "green" person in other ways. K, that's good but that's not the point- the point is with soup served the way she serves it is the very reason sharks may vanish from the face of the earth.

So what do you do when a good friend is arogant and refuses to do consider/ reconsider an issue that you think is very important? Does it change the dynamic of your friendship? Anne has admitted that her frienship with Mary might change as the issue is such a big one she doesn't know how to get past these feelings of resentment. In a way I agree with Anne.

If my friend came to me with a issue about something like this and gave me real facts, I honestly DO think that I would be able to consider an alternative.

Thoughs?

[vashti]

If you think her world view is greatly incompatible with yours, then I guess you should cut contact. I have to admit that my feelings for a friend vanished when I found out she voted for Bush in the second term.

On the other hand, are you a vegetarian that refrains from wearing leather? If not, you had better be careful about making harsh judgments unless you don't mind being labelled a hypocrite.

[girl68]

I don't believe I can cut contact but I have taken a step or two back as has Anne.

I understand that she nor I is perfect and there are tons of things everyone can do to become more green but here is a pressing issue that needs to be addressed. I do see your point. And she is the type of person to throw it back in your face. Shit hit the fan when Anne told her she's acting like a bitch and screamed: "Anne, you're the least green of all- you're flying half way around the world" (right now she is travelling and flying around the world- however once landed she is being green, walking everywhere and paying some carbon offset something). She could do more or better, but she's doing what she can. Mary on the other hand is avoiding it becasue she's a self proclaimed "princess, chinese snob" and to address this issue is to no longer be little miss chinese-do-right.

BLAHHHHHHHHHHHhh I hear ya Vash, I'm taking 3 steps back from her.

[Sonrisa]

vashti and girl, do we really judge our friends for having their own opinions and making their own decisions?

[vashti]

vashti and girl, do we really judge our friends for having their own opinions and making their own decisions?

Not typically, so long as their choices don't impact me. But I suppose I have if I considered it over the top (like the Bush-lover) because I couldn't imagine having anything at ALL in common with them anymore.

I can think of another time I was profoundly affected by someone to the point where I cut contact. This friend had a house-cleaning business, and paid poor immigrant women to go and clean houses. I found out from one of the girls that worked for him that he occasionally "disappeared" on Fridays (payday) when he was running short on money so he wouldn't have to pay them until Monday. I never spoke to him again.

[Sonrisa]

Now that second example would probable make me cut all ties as well.

But if you think about there must've been something that made them your friends before you burned all bridges?

[Petit Papillon]

Actually we all do that.Even if we don't say it out loud, we still judge them in our minds. And I think having the same opinion about such major issues, where killing comes in picture ( killing animals or killing 'terrorists' ), it is pretty important. Because, when their friends agree with people who kill or make other kill people or animals, it's like they are partially joining them in this whole killing thing.

As for animals. I'm not a vegetarian and it happens that I buy some leather shoes , but I am totally against animal cruelty and killing them all for the thing,we people can surely live without. Furs for example, I see no point in wearing furs, they stink actually . LEather shoes in contrary are better than from artificial materials. They last longer.
And meat, meat is full of very important vitamins and other stuff that let us remain healthy. Besides there is enough cows and pigs for everybody to eat. And like your friend girl, she's simply a snob. She doesn't need a soup from disappearing species... World is stupid anyway... One day there we all will regret the way we treat everything on this earth.

[girl68]

vashti and girl, do we really judge our friends for having their own opinions and making their own decisions?

Absolutely. Insignificant matters such as her frumpy sytle- I judge her to be a slob, but do I really give a shit? No. As for world issues, and stiff like that stuff that I am passionate about, stuff that I feel very strongly about and to have them disagree and throw it back in my face? Yes, I judge her based on that. As I said if I was held to the same degree on a issue so dear to HER, I would consider it, look into the issue and possibly try to change.

I'll add something she said to me in regards to this: she knows my opposition on shark fin and she made light of my feelings by saying something to the effect: "oh what are you going to do about it? make big signs and rally outside my wedding?" I found that incredibly offensive and inconsiderate but said nothing.

She is coming dangerously close to her last straw.

[vashti]

Now that second example would probable make me cut all ties as well.

But if you think about there must've been something that made them your friends before you burned all bridges?

i didn't really burn bridges with the Bushie... I started nursing school, and just lost contact. In truth, she became more vocal about her hard-right conservative politics over time (she initially kept them to herself). i think it was simply a matter of me just recognizing that we had less in common than I initially thought.

[girl68]

I think here in my case, I'm learning over time how she deals with things and how she views the world and I simply disagree with many, many things. I'm becoming my own woman and the things she does don't jive with the things I'd like to do.

[Sonrisa]

Absolutely. Insignificant matters such as her frumpy sytle- I judge her to be a slob, but do I really give a shit? No. As for world issues, and stiff like that stuff that I am passionate about, stuff that I feel very strongly about and to have them disagree and throw it back in my face? Yes, I judge her based on that. As I said if I was held to the same degree on a issue so dear to HER, I would consider it, look into the issue and possibly try to change.

I'll add something she said to me in regards to this: she knows my opposition on shark fin and she made light of my feelings by saying something to the effect: "oh what are you going to do about it? make big signs and rally outside my wedding?" I found that incredibly offensive and inconsiderate but said nothing.

She is coming dangerously close to her last straw.

you sound like a really bad friend or acquaintance. Statements like that make me really appreciate MY friends.

[Aeradalia]

If you don't have much in common, then there isn't much to be friendly about is there?

[Sonrisa]

Most of my friends are people that I know for more than 10 years. If I had started judging them we probably would't be friends. We all share different religions, opinions, professions, political views, but nonetheless are still together. I would hate to lose either one of them.

[girl68]

you sound like a really bad friend or acquaintance. Statements like that make me really appreciate MY friends.

LOL, I'm glad I'm not your friend either! I simply have a hard time being friendly with somone who believes it's cool to kill sharks for a bowl of soup that will eventually kill the species right off the face of the earth just to show a few people you're rich.

[dewilliams2]

I think it just depends on your ability to accept somebody. I am a huge liberal, I support a socialist democracy (I vote Democrat)...I would love to see socialized health care and education system from K-college and I think that the more money you make shouldn't mean that you pay a lower percentage in taxes...there is a problem with me paying 36% of my income in taxes and Warren Buffet paying 18%...I think it should be the other way around or at least a equal number ...One of my good friends is a conservative Democrat and we disagree a lot, another of my friends is a middle of the road Republican....those are some of the issues we disagree on quite a bit.

I get along great with both of them even though we disagree greatly on many political issues....we have just agreed to disagree...but we also all enjoy and appreciate each others different outlooks and we enjoy debating with each other.

So I wouldn't throw away a friendship just because you disagree with her on an issue...you guys should just talk about it and come to a point where either you agree or you respect each others different point of views.