Dating a Daddy

[peachie]

I know, I recently put a post up...but here's another:

I am 20, my boyfriend is 26 and has a 3 year old daughter. I just met her for the first time this weekend (we've been dating 4 months). The three of us spent Saturday-Monday at his parents lakehouse with his whole family. We all got along wonderfully and it was amazing to see what a great dad he is. He loves his little girl more than anything in the world. So, my question is: what do I do now? I'd especially like to hear from single parents or people who have dated single parents. His daughter lives with her mom. He doesn't see her all that often. I don't know whether to feel slighted because I was just "daddy's friend" this past weekend, or to rejoice in the fact that he wanted me to meet his daughter and spend time with them. I just feel like I'm still really young and I got thrown into a relationship with a parent and now I'm feeling super naive, as if I don't have a clue about life and what it's really like. How should I handle this?

[Illusional]

it basically comes down to what you really want from him. if you want a relationship, then you will have to be willing to accept the baggage that will follow. however if you feel that you will be uncomfortable raising a child that isn't your own, i would say to move on.

meeting his daughter was a good thing because it shows that he is an honest person. he doesn't want to keep any secrets from you. also, i feel that by meeting his daughter, he might be interested in taking things a bit further, but he is unsure of how you will react. seeing his child is a definate way to see if you will stick around, or if you're moving on. raverboy

[squirrley]

Why would you feel niave for being "thrown" into a relationship where youre significant other has a child? You knew about his daughter prior to becoming b/f-g/f right? Dont feel slighted when youre altoghether. Enjoy the time you have with him no matter where youre at or who youre with!

I agree with Raver that he's showing positive signs in wanting you to meet his daughter. I am a single parent and I know how difficult it is to share my time between my son and my sweetie especially since we only get to see one another once a month. But you have to have balance. I let my baby(Iron) know in little ways while the three of us are together how important he is to me, there is no way I want him to feel slighted in any way with my time. I hold his hands, give him kisses, and other little things, and it's because he's important to me. I wont deny Iron while the three of us are together and wont neglect my son either. NOW~my son is 15 he requires LESS attention than a 3 year old. So keep that in mind too. And the fact he's not with his daughter 24-7. So when you guys are all together, know that your b/f isnt trying to avoid you or neglect you in anyway. Dont feel you have to do things to compete for his time. Just be yourself, you care about him and let him know it.

If you feel this relationship has potential for something in the future you have to accept that he has a child and she will be in his life for a very long time. You dont have to become instant mom, shes already got one. If you dont think you can share his time, then you should reconsider what you want in the relationship and or if you want to stay in it. Hes already given you positive signs, yea you are young yet and have lots to experience, but you do what you want for yourself. See where it goes, who knows. See how the relationship matures with him.

Goodluck!

[dragoon]

I am dating a single mother who has custody of her daughter and things appear to be headed in the relationship direction. I admit her daughter is a reservation for me. But she's not nearly as much of one as I thought it would be. I also agree, seeing her being a great mom is nice; it shows a side of her that normally I'd never see.

Is he worth the added baggage? If you decided to leave him due to the child, would you regret it? Would you start to think to yourself the child's an obstacle worth getting over? If so, then there you go. I know if I fall in love with the girl I'm dating, then I will totally accept her daughter as well. Because her child is such an integral part of her life, it's not possible to fall in love with her without fullly accepting her daughter.

[jslaughter]

My advice would be to move forward slowly and exercise caution - - when I first came to the board I was dating a man named Drew who had a five year old son. Drew's son turned out not to be the problem - but Drew's ex did. She used their son to manipulate Drew and ultimately I realized that if I wanted a relationship with Drew eventually his ex and I were going to have to "go there" I knew I could win but didn't know if I would like who I would have to be to stay in the relationship so I let it fizzle out.

I'm not saying that your experience will be the same, but taking your time and evaulatuing things along the way is important ESPECIALLY when there is a young child's feelings to consider as well.

However, with that said I hope your situation is better and I wish you lots of luck!

[lockstock]

I'm not in a dating situation like this but I grew up in one. My parents divorced early. In the years following my dad had my brother and I meet only one woman and she has now been in our family for the majority of my life. If a dad has you meet his girl, I'd say he's pretty sure you're better than great.

[peachie]

Thanks to everyone who's posted for me so far. If there's anyone else out there (I see you people reading!! Post if you have anything at ALL to say!!!) I'd love some more advice/thoughts