Am I wrong for leaving the relationship?

[dutchie]

Hello everyone, I just got out a 3 year long relationship with my boyfriend. We have been in a long distance relationship since we got together, we both traveled back and forth to see each other and would never be apart for more than 2 months at a time. Ever since I got with him I detected many bad qualities about him such as jealousy, insecurity etc. We would get into pointless arguments about various things, he was verbally abusive and would call me derogatory names like bitch, street slut, whore when we got into arguments ( big or small) Anyway in 2012 we broke up for the first time for a bit over a month due to his behavior, he was very miserable and hurt and promised to change his attitude and improve himself. I initially never wanted to break up but i was forced to due to his nasty behavior, we spoke about it and we eventually reconciled. I decided to give him another chance because I loved him dearly ( he was my first boyfriend) and I felt that he loved me allot, we were both very committed to each other and made many sacrifices to be together. I however told him that I was willing to give him a chance but would only stay if he did indeed change,and I would leave the relationship if he went back to his old ways again. In 2013 I spent 6 months with him starting June - December during that time we had MANY arguments ( small) and he would still insult me and call me names, one day we got into a huge argument and while I wanted to stop fighting he still wanted to go on, he ended up pulling my hair, spitting on me and he hit me twice across my jaw. I was most shocked but didn't say anything further to provoke him ... He never apologised for his behavior because of course he blamed me for his actions like he always did. When i returned to my country in December he continued with his behavior, accusing me with men, telling me that I had plans to leave him, that I was speaking to men online and was trying to harm our relationship etc I grew tired of it and decided to end the relationship that month. Ever since I called it off he's been his usual persistent self messaging me non stop, calling etc. The problem with him is that he does not take responsibility for his actions. He accuses me non stop of meeting men and speaking to men online etc when i don't even have a social life or many friends. I do not see change or any intention of change. He was my first boyfriend / first kiss etc. Our relationship was not completely horrible, we used to cook together, watch movies, go on trips etc. All would be well if he was not as hasty and abusive as he is. I know that I did the right thing by leaving him and I should have done it sooner but he keeps making me feel guilty by making it to be my fault. I am just tired of it all and though I've told him off many times he still does not get it. He also calls my family and tells them his version of the truth and then messages me making flowery promises of change ( which i do NOT buy) Though I know i did the right thing, he still tries to make me feel guilty with hopes that I return to the "toxic" relationship. Any positive advise is welcomed. Thank you.

[surfhb2]

Seriously girl ?

[4 ratties]

please leave him now. he is bad news

[IndiReloaded]

Don't be one of these women who tries to fix someone that doesn't need fixing. You can't fix incompatible. Leave it at that and move on so you can find someone who is more aligned to your personality.

[smackie9]

Go no contact and tell your parents the truth about his abuse and how he is trying to manipulate them with those phone calls. Tell them not to talk to him anymore, and you block and delete his number. Disappear off his radar.

[basilandthyme]

go no contact and tell your parents the truth about his abuse and how he is trying to manipulate them with those phone calls. Tell them not to talk to him anymore, and you block and delete his number. Disappear off his radar.

^^ this......

[michelle23]

Stop feeling guilty for a start. He is abusive and manipulative. You need to block him for all social networking sites and your email. Change your number and get your family to do the same. Tell them the truth about the abuse and get some counselling if you feel its necessary.

Learn a valuable lesson from this and set your standards higher. You cannot "change" anyone.

[El Cid]

I won't advice u to go back to him but do ask him, just once, the reasons for accusing you.
Listen to his answer and justify them. Tell him where he went wrong in understanding u.

good luck

[Rowen]

Go no contact and tell your parents the truth about his abuse and how he is trying to manipulate them with those phone calls. Tell them not to talk to him anymore, and you block and delete his number. Disappear off his radar.

^ Boom. Listen to Smackie.

[dutchie]

Thank you for your advise, I have a new number, new email and he is deleted and blocked from my FB. I have no contact with him whatsoever. I told him not to contact me anymore but of course he still tries to in whatever way he can. I fear that be may come to my home but i hope he doesn't.

[dutchie]

Thanks for your advice, I have asked him many many times and he never answers. I have concluded that he is extremely insecure and jealous and wants to control me completely. I will never understand why he would accuse me with "men" if i don't have friends or a social life... I have had enough and refuse to waste time with someone that does not deserve to be with me. I do wish him the best though...

[basilandthyme]

He's not being rational - this is why you can't understand why he's making the accusations. Have a chat with the police to see if you can get some type of restraining order placed on him.