What did I do to the one that loves me the most..Screw-Up of the Century

[beepertgirl15]

I know the answer to my own question already. Since the one reason we are all here is "for love". Maybe there is just a glimmer of hope, reality is I F-Up royaly. Here I go...... I've been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years now. When I met him I was on the verge of homelessness , unemployed and I did not give a crap about anything. For the first time in my life somebody really saw me for the person that I was and he help me learn to love myself again. The having got myself to that point I was leading a very destructive lifestyle. Being in a relationship with somebody like me at that time, he took a risk of me dragging him down. He supported me for the past almost 6 years, I didn't work and he never once b**** to me about getting a job. I've been back at work now for about 6 months and he is so proud of me. I don't know if it is because of my lifestyle in the past that I find myself not being very honest with him at times. This now has created a major trust issue. During the past 7 years he has tried to break it off with me all because of me not being honest with him. But every time he forgives me and takes me back. But I did it again. Last night he told me that he can no longer do this anymore and that he loves me but he just does not have that kind of love for me anymore And he
burst out in tears. Now this is a grown man crying. For the first
time I realize how much how deeply I hurt him. I know he still loves me and is madly in love with me but he does not want to be wrapped up in this vicious cycle . He says as soon as he finds a job in another state that he is moving changing his number changing everything so I have no way of getting in contact with him. He says somehow I always manage to suck him back in. I can let him go, I don't know why I keep screwing up . I think this time he's going to do what he says and all I can do is ask myself what have I done . I'm about to see the love of my life go what do I do now.....

[smackie9]

Ya what have you done?

[HeartIsAching]

Oh c'mon... you know what she did.

She's a serial cheater, and she ****ed someone else again.

[weakness85]

Wow you really do know exactly how I feel.. I'm so sorry I know the feeling. And I hated hearing this advice but the only thing you can really do is give him space and time and work on yourself. You know what's wrong and only you can fix it.. if it's true love he will come back if he doesn't then cry cry cry and then put yourself together and take it as a learning experience I know you don't want to hear that just as much as I don't I want him back more than ANYTHING but I have to work on me, focus on me and love me before I can focus on loving him and treating him the way he deserves... I hope you feel better soon hun... stay strong

[Wakeup]

I know the answer to my own question already. Since the one reason we are all here is "for love". Maybe there is just a glimmer of hope, reality is I F-Up royaly. Here I go...... I've been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years now. When I met him I was on the verge of homelessness , unemployed and I did not give a crap about anything. For the first time in my life somebody really saw me for the person that I was and he help me learn to love myself again. The having got myself to that point I was leading a very destructive lifestyle. Being in a relationship with somebody like me at that time, he took a risk of me dragging him down. He supported me for the past almost 6 years, I didn't work and he never once b**** to me about getting a job. I've been back at work now for about 6 months and he is so proud of me. I don't know if it is because of my lifestyle in the past that I find myself not being very honest with him at times. This now has created a major trust issue. During the past 7 years he has tried to break it off with me all because of me not being honest with him. But every time he forgives me and takes me back. But I did it again. Last night he told me that he can no longer do this anymore and that he loves me but he just does not have that kind of love for me anymore And he
burst out in tears. Now this is a grown man crying. For the first
time I realize how much how deeply I hurt him. I know he still loves me and is madly in love with me but he does not want to be wrapped up in this vicious cycle . He says as soon as he finds a job in another state that he is moving changing his number changing everything so I have no way of getting in contact with him. He says somehow I always manage to suck him back in. I can let him go, I don't know why I keep screwing up . I think this time he's going to do what he says and all I can do is ask myself what have I done . I'm about to see the love of my life go what do I do now.....

Why don't you go get help for your chronic lying and whatever else you can't seem to give up for "the love of your life." Maybe if he sees you're actually going do something about your own BS, he'll rethink getting rid of you?

Don't do it to get him back though, do it so that you overcome your "ism" and so that you don't end up doing the same thing to the next guy that's the "love or your life." That goes for you too, weakness85. This isn't the first man you've driven away because of your own need to change your particular dysfunctional ways.

[TulipRose]

You need to focus on yourself and what you truly want.
If you really want him back you are going to have to fight hard. There's only so much one person can take before they can no longer be with that person or in the situation.

He will need some time.
You have the option (should you wish to fight for him) to tell him you are going to get help (should you choose this) and work on yourself to be a better person and not cheat or hurt your partner.

If something's meant to be, it will. But for now you have to work on yourself. If he is the 'love of you life' then maybe you need to think about why you keep hurting him?
Insecurity? Can't let someone get close? Fear of being with 1 person?