Is my man stingy? Want male perspective.

[aabbww]

I want to get your opinion on something, and I'll provide a scenario to illustrate.

My boyfriend told me he wanted to go to a football game (a pro game) and asked if I'd be interested in attending. Note: I have no interest in football whatsoever. Any time I've gone to a football game it's been mostly for the social aspect. I enjoy food and alcohol pre-game, and I like the colorguard/cheerleaders/band. That's about it. If left to my own devices, I'd never go to a football game or watch it on TV (usually not even in the Super Bowl unless the commercials are REALLY good) on my own or even consider inviting someone to see a game with me. However, my boyfriend was interested in a game, so I said "Sure." Fast forward a week, and he tells me, "Games are $50 each." Because I am used to paying for my own things in our relationship, I assumed this would mean I'd be paying $50 for my own ticket. My friends, however, tell me this is "stingy" of my boyfriend for expecting me to pay $50 for a game I'd never see without him and that he invited me to. While I would PREFER my boyfriend to pay for my ticket, this is pretty typical of our relationship (he invites me to something, and we each pay our own way). Mind you, there are lots of other things I'd rather spend $50 on; I'm simply going to this game for my boyfriend's benefit. Also - I rarely invite him to activities that he'd not want to go to otherwise (I would never invite him to the ballet, for example, then ask him to pay $50 for a ballet ticket!). We are also going as a double date to the game, and I am assuming the other guy is going to pay for his girlfriend's ticket, even though she does like football.

I can definitely see my friend's point (the friend is a guy btw!) that my boyfriend is "stingy," but I am used to this. What do you think - is my boyfriend being stingy? Am I stupid not to expect him to pay since he invited me and I'd otherwise never go? Like I said, this is very typical of our relationship. Whenever we go out, we almost always go dutch - even if he invited me to the event, movie, whatever. Note: He makes almost twice as much as I do! Last time I hinted that he might be stingy, he said I should find a "sugar daddy"! It was really hurtful because we've been dating over 2 years, and I typically split the bill, even though I make half as much as he does. All my friends (male and female) think he's stingy.

[Mathias]

I was with you until "even though I make half as much as he does". That reeks of entitlement.

He doesn't owe you money. If you can't afford something, or don't want to pay, that's completely valid. Don't do that activity.

[JadenMia]

I understand what you mean, its nice to have a man be able to offer to pay for things for you.
I have always been paid for on dates and such, but in a long term i have always offered to pay my way. Take turns in paying for activities, meals etc.
My ex would always offer to pay for everything we did together, but i made sure that i payed for half of what we did and to be honest it probably would have annoyed me if he never did offer.
If its a big deal for you, either talk to him about it or leave him.

[sadie_genie]

The more accurate word for him is probably "inconsiderate". If he knew you won't enjoy watching football, first he shouldn't invite you along. Second, he shouldn't make you make $50 for it. Just tell him you don't want to go.

[searock]

Did he ask you to go with him as a personal favor? As in, "please come to the game with me, I know you don't like it but please come it would make me so happy"? Or did he just ask you to go like "hey what about we go to the game"? If it's the first option then he probably should have offered to pay, in the other case I find it normal that he isn't paying for you - he asked, you said yes, it's your choice and you're doing it for yourself. You shouldn't go if you know you won't enjoy it, you're not doing him a favor and it's not like he's forcing you to go!

[sadie_genie]

Did he ask you to go with him as a personal favor? As in, "please come to the game with me, I know you don't like it but please come it would make me so happy"? Or did he just ask you to go like "hey what about we go to the game"? If it's the first option then he probably should have offered to pay, in the other case I find it normal that he isn't paying for you - he asked, you said yes, it's your choice and you're doing it for yourself. You shouldn't go if you know you won't enjoy it, you're not doing him a favor!

I think the OP is just trying to be considerate of her boyfriend. Couples are suppose to be considerate of each other. Her boyfriend probably wanted her company because it is awkward to show up to a game where other people have their partners with them and he doesn't. But in this case, when he failed to be a considerate boyfriend, the OP has to start thinking for herself.

[Mathias]

I think the OP is just trying to be considerate of her boyfriend. Couples are suppose to be considerate of each other. Her boyfriend probably wanted her company because it is awkward to show up to a game where other people have their partners with them and he doesn't. But in this case, when he failed to be a considerate boyfriend, the OP has to start thinking for herself.

You're making a whole lot of assumptions masked as fact here.

[Mathias]

Can you point it out?

You made a wild assumption as to his motives, then called him inconsiderate based on that assumption.

[sadie_genie]

You're making a whole lot of assumptions masked as fact here.

Can you point it out? Elaborate?

[sadie_genie]

You made a wild assumption as to his motives, then called him inconsiderate based on that assumption.

I said "I think" this is what is going on here considering it is a double date event. I am just making speculations like everyone else is doing in this forum.

[searock]

Her boyfriend probably wanted her company because it is awkward to show up to a game where other people have their partners with them and he doesn't.

This would fall in the first option i.e. he asked her to go as a personal favor. There's nothing wrong with that, but if it's the case, he probably should have offered to pay. If on the other hand he just asked it as a possibility but no big deal if she didn't go, she shouldn't have agreed to it if she knew she might have had regretted spending the money on it.

[James Banes]

He's not stingy. If you don't wanna go then don't go. I'm thinking you don't wanna go and you're letting the stingy excuse be the reason, while the real reason is you are afraid of appearing like you're not fun for not going.

[bulrush]

Your bf is treating you like a liberated woman, he doesn't mind if you pay your own way. He's treating you like an equal partner. Your friends, however, are implying he should treat you as a woman who couldn't possibly be smart enough to hold her own job, and therefore shouldn't be able to manage money either, nor pay her own way. I find your friends very insulting.

If you don't want to pay your own way, simply tell your bf you want a sugar daddy, and that an equal partnership is simply too much for you.

(In case you didn't pick that up, I prefer an equal partnership, rather than a 1950's retro girl. I support equal rights for women, and dislike the notion that "men should always pay", as it implies women still don't have what it takes to be liberated. Please form another thread to discuss feminism, without hijacking this thread.)

[James Banes]

bulrush, I wouldn't be surprised if all the guys who read the original post didn't wanna say the same thing. We just don't wanna deal with the argument that might come with it.

[Mathias]

We just don't wanna deal with the argument that might come with it.

Speak for yourself.