Where to begin? I'd like to share a story that hopefully will help others in my place to receive some advice and insight.
I'll start with a little background information. My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. It's mostly been great; however, like most couples we've had our arguments and disagreements. I'm sure my story isn't unique, so I know that others will be able to relate and offer advice for what works for them. I'll get to it.
All my boyfriend's friends are girls. I don't mean some of them. I simply mean all of them. It isn't enough that these women are random friends, most of them are women he has slept with, lost his virginity to, or are his old partners. For the sake of privacy I won't use their real names.
We all get to that point in a relationship where the subject of our old partners and flames arise. Brian, my boyfriend, has had sex with about five women, not counting myself. This isn't an abnormally high number or an abnormally low number.
Let me give a little background information on Brian. Throughout his childhood his friends were girls and this has not changed; this is not a new development. His first girlfriend named Cathy didn't have sex with him. Brian soon lost his virginity to a random stranger (now close friend) named Jackie. They met at a party and had sex the whole weekend. Girlfriend number two, Betty, was an on again off again girl. They had sex a lot. Eventually she cheated on him and it ended. Laura was a long time friend whom he ended up sleeping with. Callie was ALSO a long time friend whom he slept with. Girlfriend number three, Anna, was an alcoholic whom he slept with; however, eventually their relationship broke off.
Let me now give some details of events that have happened that I have not been okay with. I'll start from the beginning. It's hard for me to come to terms with the random strangers and current good friends that Brian has slept with. Especially when events have happened that have made me lose trust and confidence. Such an incident was when Laura had a conversation with Brian about how she loved him and about how she wished that they had had a real relationship. Brian responded by saying that they would be in a relationship one day, and he also said that he loved her too. In my books this is not okay. When this occurred we had been together for about a year. When this conversation was brought to my attention I felt devastated. What did this make me? The in-between girl? It was horrible. I'm not even sure that event has been resolved.
Brian thinks it's okay to do certain things that I think are highly inappropriate. Some of these incidents have been, having his friends sleep in his bed (not having sex) but cuddling, taking nude photographs of his friends, keeping old nude photographs of this ex partners, spending alone time with friends and old partners that he has had sex with.
Another incident that occurred quite recently was on Halloween when one of his school friends called Mandy started rubbing against him at a party and telling him how glad she was to have seen him there, and mentioning how much fun she had on their coffee date.
Many tears and angry conflicts have arisen, and it seems to be a constant struggle for the two of us to come to terms with each others sense of right and wrong; however, it always seems to be me that is hurt by these incidences. I'm an idealist. Some might think I am naive, personally I consider myself merely a little innocent at times. I have strong moral values. I often wonder why the world, or at least our Western World, has been reduced to casual sex with friends.
What are your views on my story? Have you been in a situation? Can you offer any advice, insight, or sympathy of your own? All views and opinions are welcome.
Thanks for your time,
Celeste