GF/Mother of 2 kids, 15yrs together she wants a break to find herself??

[johnno29]

hey guys, am new to here, but am having a nightmare at the moment, after 15 yrs together my mrs says she need time to sort her head...i have moved out of my home and am missing the 3 of them like crazy, but after 3 weeks or minimal contact..she still has not got anything to say apart from give me space? i have told her if its over to tell me straight, i can handle it..i just hate the not knowing and feel my life is on pause at the moment til we can sort out our shit. ill admit, we have had our ups and downs but i really feel we do love eachother, i just think we/she have forgot whats important in life...

having read alot on the net, i know i have went about my myself in the wrong way, and have maybe been pestering her a bit, but i have genuinly been really cut up over the split and get quite anxious at time not hearing from her...

is this the end? iread all the post about a break is just their way of letting us down gently and that they dont usually end up getting back together...but i am trying to keep positive about the whole situation...

am i wasting my time???

[SelflessnHumble]

Well, how can we help you with such a vague post?

What did you do to push her away from the relationship?
Do you are argue, yell and/or fight with her? Does she to you?
Do you invalidate her opinions, thoughts and feelings? Does she?

Make no mistake dude: "LOVE" isn't enough in a relationship, this isn't a cheesy movie...Sucks to say that people change...but
I suspect you know why it went south and you had a huge role to play in this change...So what did you do, and what did she do?

[johnno29]

well, to be truthful, we got on pretty good, we had 1 long running arguement about her yapping to other men on various social networking sites, but i understood why she does it, i work away from home and she gets lonely, i can accept that..but it was all the lies and sneaking about got to me...the last few yrs we have both been ion a bit of a rut, we had a bit of a drug problem which we got to the bottom of eventually.. . things were going fine until i came across chat logs from our computer...i was gutted when i read she was at it again...and before you ask, no it was not sexual as far as i know...but i confronted her one morning before i was due to go away and i walked out with out saying i love you...next thing i know its all my fault and she whats a break??? av been living with my brother for 3 weeks now and am finding it really difficult...i love this girl with everything i got, we have been thru so much over the last 15yrs i cant bare to think that it could be the end..

[SelflessnHumble]

Read very carefully Johnno...
WOMEN NEED ATTENTION!!! They need affection, they run on compliments but most of all: they need your affirmation.
Now, I'm not making excuses for what she CHOSE to do (all on her own) but your situation is a breeding ground for infidelity...

When someone lies and sneaks around: there is a reason: and sometimes? There isn't an explanation (such is life with a sociopath)
Anyway, you contributed to this sneaking around but I don't blame you: she chose to. Now, had she sat you down and talked to you about
her loneliness and you invalidated her feelings then I could understand why she did what she did...But to me it's still wrong.

People change dude.
If you say you can accept that she felt lonely: then you can also accept the fact that without getting the attention SHE "wanted" you also
need to accept that she was willing to go outside of the relationship in order to get it...Dude, good liars don't leave crumbs (when it comes to physical cheating) trust me.
Sure, she left the chat logs, but you cannot be with here to fully "know" what actually happened.

Let's get this one straight:
She wronged you: check.
YOU: reacted immaturely and emotionally irrational, walked out (like a coward) without resolving this conflict.
Obviously SHE has options dude. Since she has these options: you are of no consequence "now." You walked out and she took it as you walked out on the relationship.

Even though what she did was wrong: you failed to hold her accountable and used what you did as the easy way out of this horrible relationship where you
disproportionately love her: while she holds you in contempt.

It's all but over because you don't know how to properly address what SHE did to you behind your back....
Just as sad is that it sounds like you didn't make the effort to give her some kind of attention, even though your priority was work.

[Kaius]

So is she your Mrs or GF?
If you are not married after 15 years together, I don't know why you want her back.
If she is having an active social life outside of you, she won't want you back.
Things are not fine. Women don't just shut down like that. You have to fully
understand what was wrong before you can begin to consider getting back together.

[johnno29]

aye well i know this,

not giving up just yet, going to bide my time and see what develops, i feel we broke up without really getting out what we had to say...and alot has been said (positively) since we broke up...its just she is now the one calling the shots..

gotta try stay positive til she tells me the score