Pregnant, 26, rocky relationship

[mochibunny]

Hi-
I'm new on this forum and I'm not quite sure what to expect.
Basically, I need help.

I'm a 26 year old, pre-school teacher living in the southwest. I rent a room from a family.
I was supposed to move in with my boyfriend of 2 years but he called it off after finding out that I had been emailing and text a handful of other (non-local) guys.
There begins the story of my relationship problems... So, 2 weeks ago I came home from work and he told me he had gone through my computer and all my emails. He told me he had seen the photos I sent other guys and the what they sent me in return. I was devastated and embarrassed.
I confessed everything right away- he thought I had cheated with one guy, but I truly hadn't. I have slept with only him for 3+ years.
I cried and apologized like crazy. I had already been making steps to get away from this type of attention seeking before he found out and while I was relieved to come clean. Still, I understood his fury and hurt.
He didn't make me pack my stuff and he didn't make me leave. He said he wanted to work on things and that we could talk it out.
He said he needed space, and he works 4 hours away so during the work week he stays in a different town all week- I didn't bother him or call, just gave him space. Then he took a trip, without me, and I continued to give him space.
We spoke briefly between his work-week and the trip, and he said he didn't want to break up. He even booked a trip for us in June.
Tonight, I phoned him because he was supposed to be back in town. He was cold, angry, and mad at me for wanting to talk. He has been downright mean.
I was hoping to see him in person because I just found out I'm pregnant.
I'm absolutely terrified of what comes next. I don't know when or how to tell him.
I've been friends with him since I was 15, we lost our virginity together, and theres no one else I could ever see myself having a child with. But at this point I'm just not sure what to do.
Our relationship is in shambles and now this.
I'm not trying to keep him, pregnant or not, I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me. We have had many problems with his honesty, and this was my first transgression.
I'm seeing a therapist, deleted my old email, and stopped contact with the guys. Regardless of my relationship, what I did is not who I am and not who I want to be.
I want to keep this baby but not in an unhealthy relationship. I also, want to give this relationship a chance since I know I can be better but I don't want him to think the baby is a ball and chain, if he wants out. He keeps saying he just doesn't know if he wants to break up or not.
So, when do I tell him? After we decided if we break up or stay together? And what do I tell him? Should I terminate and wait for a healthy relationship? I want to keep the baby, but how do I tell my family? "Hey we broke up but I'm pregnant..."
I'm so scared and sad.

[Wakeup]

but how do I tell my family? "Hey we broke up but I'm pregnant..."

I think that's exactly what you should tell them and hopefully they'll take you in for a while until you get your head together to figure out what you're going to do. Hopefully they'll support you in whatever choice you decide to make regarding the baby. As for your bf, I think you should tell him and then leave and let him decide if he wants to be a part of you and your baby's life or not. If he does, then I suggest you get some kind of marital councelling so that you learn how to be a good couple who can show their child what a happy, functional relationship and family looks like. If he won't go to councelling with you, then raise the baby on your own and get away from him for good. Talk to your therapist about all this at your next visit. He/she will give you further guidance.

He didn't make me pack my stuff and he didn't make me leave.

Then why are you renting a room from a family?

[mochibunny]

Then why are you renting a room from a family?[/QUOTE]

I really appreciate your response. I was living with him pre-offical move in date of March 1. Before that, I was living with a family. When we fought initially on Feb 26th I told the women I rent from and she was more than happy to let me continue my rental. I had given my 30 day at the end of jan, paid for feb, but was essentially moved in with my bf. Although, our official move in day was march 1.
Hope that makes sense. Honestly, I feel lucky my old landlord just took me back so easy.

[Boisdevie]

1. Learn to be (yet another) single parent.
2. Make sure he pays child support.
3. Put the next 18 years of your life on hold.
4. Learn about contraception - I always assumed it was available in the US of A.

[basilandthyme]

My vote is to terminate and have a baby when you're in a healthy, long term relationship.

[michelle23]

When you say he has also been dishonest-what do you mean? Do you trust him?

What you did was wrong and you have shattered the trust and hurt him. That is not easy to repair.

If you want to keep your baby-can you support the child alone if he refuses to be involved?

Do what is best for you and your baby and let him decide on his own whether he wants to be a part of that or not. If you do decide to make a go of it-get couples counselling so you can both learn to trust each other and be good parents.

If you need attention off other guys-you should not be in a relationship. Time to grow up

[coconutz]

start working for the best.

go for the best before having sex and living together.

living together is a sign of doubt in each other.
etc. not want to take responsibility.


if its that serious for you to open your legs and live together why not marry first.
cause now none of those choices you did gives you security anyway.

and if you felt the need to look for other guys why did you not break up first.

its now about the baby/ and what is the best for it.
so what you like or he like is not so important.
if you stay or break up anyway make shore he pays child support and
work together so the child can have both of you in her life.

and make good agreements on how to make it happen.
learn from your mistakes.
your focus is now your baby and health.and i agree its time for you to grow up and have some boundaries .