The truths

[survivor08]

Somewhere in the past while I was going thru my break up which I have posted here before I came across an article on how a counselor suggested stating the truths, simple, the truths about the person at that moment in time, which it means exactly that, the good, the bad, the shameful, whatever. and I believe it helps weed out potential misunderstandings, non committals, disappointments, as it avoids surprises or at the least, you know what you are getting when you jump into a relationship with someone, examples are current financial health, health, past troubles with (law, IRS, whatever may be a concern to people....)

Think of it as full disclosure.

Anyways, a recent friendship turned possibly more just tested this full disclosure idea. Me, and this very hardworking, intelligent, and nice lady took a friendship from, calling every once in a while, to talking on the phone lots, feeling close although we lived 2 hours away, talking about our life, fears, concerns, goals, the stuff friends talk about basically, she knew I really want to find a nice woman who is considerate, loving, etc. etc. that would want to start a family at a future time, but that having children is important to me.

I knew so much that having children, is not high on her life goals, because she has a creative dream to achieve, which is part of the reason why she is here in this country. But she likes me, we have good chemistry, we enjoy talking on the phone, and learning about each other, so she gets caught up in the moment, and likes me enough to hint at maybe making this thing work. Disclosure so far.

But most recently a turn of events in her family (serious health issues in her family back home in her native country) caused her to reflect and hone in with razor sharp focus on what she really wants in life and immediately I noticed a change in her behavior towards me, and even went so far as to say that she cared for me, but that she could not invest her time in our relationship with the amount of energy we are investing, (for obvious reasons: focus on her family, work hard) but that she wanted to keep the friendship and no strings attached relationship. Basically this new relationship is now a distraction.

Finally tonight I learned what I should have known about her from the beginning, that she is in a tough position because she can't freely go back home to her country and cross borders so easily, and that she came here for a dream and does not want to get going down a road with me, marry me, have kids with me, and not get legal security for staying in this country (her temporary visa or student visa can only stay good for so long) if I end up succumbing to my illness (I am a cancer survivor but you never know right?)

The thing is I am not hurt by forcing the truth from her and hearing it from her why I am no longer a potential match and she sees no future in our relationship now. I wondered this same thing too, but I was going along with this because in a way I ejoyed her attention, and it was the first relationship after my break up some time ago.

I just needed to get the real truth on why she decided to ease back and go back to just wanting to being friends and have no intimate moments again. I got the truth I feel I should have gotten from the beginning, that Is my point. I like the policy of truth, or full disclosure as I call it.

I will still be her friend, but I wont be that guy that picks up the phone whenever she decides to call. And believe me, she is one of those friends that loves long conversations on the phone....and requires a lot of time and attention.

sorry for the long post. I am not asking for advice and I am not heart broken, I just wanted to write my thoughts and maybe some one can pick up something good from it.