Overwhelmed...Need Help!

[confusedman12]

I'm 25. I've been dating two girls for about 5 months. It is time to make a commitment. Girl A (25 years old) I reconnected with from High School; we didn't really know each other well then but I guess we thought each other were cute. Girl A (23 year old) I met working at a place where I was doing some work for my masters degree. They are both college educated.

Girl B shares my values. I am pretty conservative and am not really into the bar/club scene and have never really been looking for a girlfriend that is into that. I have strong morals and have always thought that I wanted a girl who was the same. Girl B has strong values and is very mature for her age. She is very family and kid-oriented, which I like because I am looking for a life-long partner to eventually start a family with. She has expressed that she is willing to make sacrifices for a solid relationship. Sex with her is nice. We get along very well. She cares about me a lot.

Girl A is my age. She is a very nice and sweet person. But, I get the idea that in her past she did partying and clubbing with some frequency. When I found that out, I didn't feel that comfortable with it. It bothered me less with time. But, I have a great and fun time with her every time. Sex with her is awesome. We have a more similar sense of humor. She is more shy than
me but engages well with my joking around. She seems like she has lived a less conservative life than me. She hangs out with friends that are more into drinking, going to bars, and that kind of scene. She even admits her friends are immature. I don't feel fully comfortable with them. But, she is loyal to them. Girl A sometimes ends up doing the bar scene thing with them because that's what they want to do. I have told her that while I respect that everyone has their own lifestyle that makes them happy, that that's not my style. We haven’t discussed that too much further. Because I don't like when people in a relationship hang out in singles situations (bars/clubs) a lot, it makes me worry about her more when I'm not with her. One time we ran into a guy who was really sleazy who she was reluctant to admit was her ex. She even admitted that he was a sleaze and a jerk, and later ended up knocking up some other girl. I could not believe she dated that kind of guy for a year and a half and was devastated for a while.

I don't like that our differences make me have a trust issue with her; I always want to know what she's up to when I'm not with her. I don't like that. I had an ex who made me feel that way because I didn't fully trust her, and I always felt like a paranoid jerk. I don’t know if that’s more my issue that I could address and fix with help, or if that’s just how I’ll always be (I’ve always wondered that). I wish we were closer in values. In contrast, I trust Girl B a lot. But, Girl A gives me a more magical feeling when I'm with her. It feels so right when I just hold her or hold her hand. When I'm with Girl A, I feel like
everything is ok and right. But, I worry a little when I'm not with her and every now and then I worry a lot. When I hold Girl A at night; it feels wonderful. It feels good and ok with Girl B, but not the same magic. Even the natural smell of Girl A makes me feel for her in my heart. Girl B's natural smell doesn't do that for me and isn't really a turn-on either.

I am attracted to both girls. But, I am always very attracted to Girl A. Girl B is attractive to me, but sometimes less than others. In the last week or so, she's seemed a little less attractive and I don't know why. Girl A rarely wears makeup but always looks cute to me. Girl B wears makeup, and doesn't look as attractive without it. I don't know why this difference has seemed more apparent to me lately, maybe because I have been comparing them too much?

Beyond just surface looks, Girl A just always seems more deeply just adorable to me. She can make me feel that way just by being near me even if she’s not talking.

I don't like being alone and sometimes struggle with feeling lonely. When I hold Girl A, I feel good and not lonely at all. When I hold or am with Girl B, I sometimes feel a little lonely as weird as it sounds. I think more about Girl A when I'm with Girl B than the other way around. Sadly, sometimes I miss Girl A when I'm with Girl B. Part of that is because I worry about what Girl A is up to, but the other part is because I think she has a bigger affect on me.

When I get a text message, I usually hope that it is from Girl A and get more excited when it is. I sometimes check my phone periodically hoping I received a text from Girl A. Again, part of that is because I trust Girl B more and I'm usually more concerned about what Girl A is up to. The other part is because Girl A has a bigger affect on me and I guess I just get considerably more excited to interact with her.

I realize that I have a bigger spark or affect with Girl A, but I worry about our value differences and the trust issue. With Girl B, I trust and respect her more, I have more professional and other interests in common with her, she is attractive to me (but not as much and not as much lately), and I feel she has a stronger priority on family and values (and that's important to me). I still need to talk to Girl A about how she feels about having a family.

Girl B is originally from far away and was initially supposed to move back there in about a month when she finishes her training program. But, she is now talking with me about the idea of her looking for work in my area to see how our relationship goes. That made me realize it's time to make a commitment. For quite a while, I thought I would eventually choose Girl B since I thought we seem to have a stronger foundational compatibility and strong trust with some spark. But, recently the idea of having to say goodbye to Girl A makes me so depressed. I miss her just thinking about it because of the super strong connection. Thinking about saying bye to Girl A has been making me nervous and sad all day; I have literally been pacing with worry thinking about it constantly; pacing and talking it through until my legs hurt a little. The idea of no longer seeing her pains me. But, I worry about the trust issues with her and my ability to accept her for her past lifestyle. I had an ex for about 4 years that I was crazy about for a time, but I never fully trusted her and that caused us problems that grew bigger and bigger. I'm worried. I feel like I might talk to Girl A about my worries about us and the trust issue and see how that conversation goes? But, the gut feelings I have for Girl A are as strong as I've ever felt. Right at this moment, I feel like saying bye to Girl A would make me so depressed but I don’t feel that intensely about saying goodbye to Girl B; I would be very sad but probably not as much I think. I don’t know if that will change if I think more about saying goodbye to Girl B. If I confront that more, I don’t know if I’ll start experiencing similar intense worries. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I worry about whether it’s better to go with my stronger feelings, or if those feelings are more temporary and if that would be a mistake. I don’t know how to interpret this emotional affect that Girl A and this situation is having on me. I worry that if I go with my heart that I might be setting myself up for bigger problems down the road, but I also worry that if I go with my head that I will be absolutely heartbroken. I really need help. Lately, I'm sad and worried constantly. I'm running out of time. I would really really appreciate advice or analysis. Thanks you so much.

[Bonfire]

It's quite simple. You like Girl A a lot more. Pick Girl A. If you chose Girl B, it just meant you settled and in the long run you won't be happy. Girl A however might break your heart but at least you gave it a shot.

[~Aetherius~]

From what it sounds like, girl A is your best option.

I can understand your confusion, because girl B sounds like she is very similar to you, but have you ever heard the term "opposites attract"?

Basically, when it comes to personality traits, it's best not to be with someone too similar to you. For example, if a person likes to talk they are a very good match for a quiet person who likes to listen. If a person is very stubborn, they are a good match for someone who will not put up a fight and is okay with anything. If a person is not very creative and is bored all the time, they are a good match for someone more exciting who comes up with fun things to do together.

I hope that makes sense to you...

Girl A may be a bit on the wild side, she may even be "too exciting" for you. But you will balance each other out nicely. Your calm, conservative nature will most likely help her calm down over time, whereas her adventurous personality might pull you a bit more out of your shell and open your mind up to different possibilities in your life together.

Girl B promises you a stable, predictable life, but is that really what you want? Your emotions seem to be telling you otherwise. The fact that you are more attracted to girl A, you think about her more often, ect, tells me that your feelings for her are more important than your feelings for girl B.

As a side note, I really hope that both of these girls know about each other. It's dishonest if you're going behind their backs, having sex with both of them and dating both of them at the same time. While I think it's perfectly okay to date multiple people at the same time if they know that you are doing so, I think they would be very hurt if they know you were sleeping with both of them without them knowing about it.

[manychoices]

You don't trust girl A because you are not trustworthy. It's about you, not about her. You've been having sex with two women who don't know about each other.
That aside, you have more fear with Girl A, because you actually care. Go with the fear. You will only grow to resent Girl B more and more.