Me and my ex recently split up after 2 years. We are both 18, and were really close for a year before we got together. We have grown up together, and have been the most important person in each others lives for most of our teenage years. My ex had a lot of hard times in her life, and she has not got a great family support network, so she would always talk to me about her problems. She also developed a great relationship with my mum (because she doesn't have a mum), and my mum almost acted as a mum to her. The reason we broke up is that it just wasn't working anymore. We found ourselves arguing so much, and she felt insecure, and felt that i wasn't treating her right and wasn't putting in as much as her. I did not deny this, as i just felt the relationship had got so comfortable, and i think the relationship had gotten more serious for her. Although she means the world to me, i just didn't feel the relationship was working, as she was always being really petty and having a go at me for not putting in enough effort. It is my first ever love and relationship, and i guess with my age and immaturity, i wasn't ready to settle down in one serious relationship. I need to live.
The break up has been really hard on my ex especially. She has gone from having me as the most important person in her life, and the comfort and stability of my family, to being all alone over night. We are also part of the same close friendship group, so she inevitably sees me quite often. She agrees that it wasn't working and that it was right to end it, but at the same time she says she still loves me and is clinging onto hope that it could work now. However i have told her that i know deep down it cant work at this point in our lives, and we need to accept it didn't work. She means so so much to me, and although i cant be in a relationship with her, i always want to be her friend, because i would hate to not have her in my life at all. However she tells me that she doesnt know whether she can be just my friend, as for the whole time shes known my shes never been able to see me as just a friend, as theres something about me she just craves for more.
Its making life really difficult for both of us, especially being in the same friendship group. Your meant to look forward to seeing friends, but at the moment i dread it because i hate seeing her upset so much. On the one hand i dont want to isolate myself because its not fair on anyone, and is unhealthy. But at the same time i worry that by seeing her in a group, im just making it harder for her to move on, and am being selfish.
I absolutely hate seeing her upset because i care about her so much. Im at a point where im moving on and starting to feel happy again, but then seeing her upset genuinely pulls me right back down. It makes me feel sick, and i just feel sad all the time knowing she's upset.
I am unsure how to act of what to do. Shall i continue to see her in the friendship group, because i think its really important that she sees friends a lot at this point. If she sees me strictly in the group of friends, will she learn to accept me as just a friend, and cope with me not being more?
I do have my days where i miss the good times, and we do get on very well, but i just know at this point in my life i cant make it work, because i cant give her the same effort as she gives me. And i think with my age, its inevitable its not going to work because my eyes wandered near the end, because im curious as to what else is out there, despite having loved my ex a lot. I feel this curiosity is a natural part of growing up, and its important for me to get out there and live.
Please help.