Hi everyone. I've always read advice about others' problems but now I feel that I need advice. I apologize in advance for my post being so long but I hope that giving all the details will help you understand this issue and help me vent this problem, since I don't really have anyone who can give me helpful advice. I have posted this on another site, but I would really like to hear from as many people as possible.
My girlfriend, who was my first in everything, sex and what have you, and I have been going out for 4 years and 5 months now. Though it does sound cliche, I really do love her with everything I have. When I met her, she was 16 I was 18, going on 19, she had been broken up with an ex for about over a week. I didn't think too much of it though. She also had been having father issues for a long time as well, her father would neglect her in the way that he wouldn't show her that he loved her, and because her mother and father had argued so much when she was younger, they separated and left her longing for her father to say he loved her. She was also a cutter for a very short period of time, and she, for years, has had strong feelings of hate towards her father. She despised him greatly to say the least. For about a year and a half we did just fine, during which she lived with her father still, I would help her with her issues and I would always have a shoulder for her to cry on whenever she needed it, and I would comfort her as much as I could. We would have plenty of fun times, like any relationship does.
After about a year and a half into the relationship, she told me she felt very guilty, because she had a crush on a guy she had chatted with for a long time with, they were pen pals as well. I told her it was a stupid crush and to let it go. I forgave her for it and we moved on and they eventually talked again, but not till way later on. I also had felt guilty at a time because I had lied too, I had said that I did not watch porn, but I had done so later on. Yes, I know, it's stupid of me to have said it, but I don't know why I said I didn't, maybe at the time I was a little insecure about myself as well, since I never had a girlfriend, I had dated a girl for a month or so in high school, but that didn't end well, so that may have been where my insecurity came from, but it went away eventually.
Anyway, after she graduated, she moved in with me and my family, I still lived at home, well i still do. Some time into the relationship, I would not spend much time with her and would not really show much affection towards her. She started hanging out and making friends, because she never really had many friends, I was one of the only people who was very close to her.
She eventually met some guy and she started spending more time with him. I started getting suspicious, so I confronted her. She told me that she kissed him, in which she started crying and saying how bad she felt, but that that was as far as she took it. I believed her, because even though she had kissed another guy, I know she's not the type to sleep with people randomly as such. I told her to stop talking to him, and never contact him again, and so she never did talk to him again.
Now comes to the most recent problem. She had to go overseas to work for her mother as a teacher. She left just this past December 2010 and she came back 3 days ago. All the way up until February 20 she would tell me she loved me and she would communicate with me plenty. But a week and a half later, she begins to tell me that she does not feel anything for me. This hits me as a huge shock, because not too long ago she was saying she loved me. also, the way she said it was in a very cold manner, i felt that this wasn't her true self. I started to think back on her past and how she may have depression and that all the stress from not being able to do anything for herself, since she was working so much overseas as a teacher and lack of free time to relax and rid her stress had a huge effect on her. she mentioned that boyfriends are trivial, and that relationships are trivial. This was after she said that the thing she was truly focusing on, was repairing the relationship with her father. She wanted to get her feelings across to him and for him to say that he loves her and accepts her. She says that she doesn't feel love towards me, and she started thinking that maybe she was just convincing herself that she did love me before.
Yesterday I find out that she was talking to her pen pal that she had talked to a long time ago, they would chat every once in a great while, but nothing serious, until I made an educated guess and asked her if she liked the guy. She said she does. She says she feels calm with him, I didnt know what the hell to think, I was just so F@cking mad that in my anger I caller her a F#kin idot and told her to stop talking to him and to cut ties with him, that it just isn't ****ing healthy or helping. It really pissed me off since I would try and wake up early in the morning, usually at 4 or 5 am just to get a chance to chat with her online because of the time difference. As I eventually found out, she would also be chatting with that same pen pal at the times I would be on. Throughout the relationship, we would do as much as we could for us, but as she said, she does not see me in her future. She told me that she had been feeling like this for a while and thinking like that for a while as well, for about a year already or so, she said she sometimes would feel like she loves me, other times she wouldn't. But I said people just naturally stop feeling it, because its not a new relationship anymore, that's how relationships are, but you have to work at it to keep it exciting and new at times.
As of today, she has told me that she wants me to help her move her stuff into her fathers house, which is about less than 5 miles from where I live, she wants to go since she wants to spend time with him. I don't see her doing that is the problem, the problem is that she just She does not really feel "love" towards me, and that she is giving our relationship a chance for now, as she said "more for your sake." and that she will not talk to that guy she likes. Is she confused? Has the stress gotten to her? Is she depressed? I don't quite know. Should we just take it day by day and see what happens? She says that people just lose feelings sometimes, but I say there's always a reason. I think she just doesn't really know what shes feeling right now, and now that things are going alright with her father so far, she doesn't want anything else in her way. However, as a I told her, in relationships there are compromises, I made plenty of them in order to spend time with her as much as I could. I would work as hard as I could for her, and it pisses me off so damn much and makes me feel like all I did meant nothing to her.
I really don't know what to do. She leaves in 3 months back overseas, and I feel that I don't have much time left with her. She said that if her feelings do not change till then, then we'll have to break up, since she won't be happy.
Thank you all for reading through this, I really do appreciate you taking your time to helping me with my problem. I truly do love her, I'm not an idiot, but I also don't know what to do, your advice will be well appreciated.