Myself and Emma were friends for yrs, I always fancied her, and ppl used to tell me she really fancied me though i never really believed it. So anyways, one night after not seeing her in months, we met by chance and wound up spending the night together.
Everything was great for the 1st few weeks, couldnt get enough of each other, txting each other, spending every free minute with each other. Then things suddenly changed, and that was down to me rather than her. I got kinda scared that everything seemed to be going so fast, was afraid of getting too attached or getting hurt or something. So suddenly I cooled a bit, stopped saying all the nice things a bf should, stopped making such a huge effort, even with things like talking, I never really really made an effort to talk to her on a really personal level like a boyfriend should.
So after a few weeks of this, I could tell she was getting a bit paranoid and frustrated, so she confronted me about it. I told her about how I was afraid of getting to close too quick after my last relationship went so wrong, and reassured her how much i really liked her but needed time before I could really let myself go.
She said she understood, and she liked me enough to carry on as we were until I felt more ready to get more serious.
Things didn't really get better after that, I could tell that she wanted more from me than I was comfortable with giving. Then she went on holidays for a week with a friend, when she came home we chatted on the phone and everything seemed fine, we agreed to meet and spend the weekend together ( the weekend being 5 days away). A couple of days after that call, I got a txt from her saying she was really restless and was considering going abroad for 6 months. Silly me of course said that if its what she wants then she should go for it, big mistake. She replied and said that she didnt think it was working, and she didn't want to be with me if I wasn't going to take it serious.
So I got dumped by txt message, which really made me angry. I decided not to reply in the heat of the moment. 2 days later when I kind of calmed down, I txted her back and asked her if we could meet up and talk about things, but to my surprise she told me she had already booked a flight and was leaving the following week.
I was pretty shocked that she had made up her mind so fast without talking to me, but we decided to meet up to say goodbye anyways.
We talked for ages, and I told her how much I really liked her, and wanted to be with her. I apologised for not putting in the effort and asked her if there was anything I could do to make things different. She did say that she really liked me too, but she had already made up her mind she wanted to go. We talked for a while about how we felt about each other, and both agreed if we were both still single in January (when she gets home) we would try again.
So now I'm left a bit up in the air, and don't know how to feel or what to do. I really regret not putting in the effort, because I know we could have reallly been good together. I wish I had shown her how good a bf I can be rather than the half-assed one I was with her.
We are going to stay in touch by email, but I'm not sure how I'm meant to act. It's going to be hard to keep it on a friendly level since I think much more of her than that. I'm going to find it hard to resist asking her how she feels about me every now and again, because waiting and wondering is a very hard thing to do. At the same time I don't want to pressure her, I know its a big thing to ask someone if they'll wait for you for that long, so I'm not going to. But then at the back of my mind I think, if this girl can't wait for me, and I can for her, then it seems I was more serious than she was afterall, so things just don't add up!? Maybe ppl are just different when it comes to that?
I'm finding it hard to deal with, I hope she didn't just say the whole 'we can try again if we're still single' thing just to make it easier on me, I'd rather know if she was completely finished with me so I could just get over it.
Argghhh....as you can see this has been bugging me for a bit. I'm just the type of person that if I like someone I'll wait for them, but I suppose not everyones like that even if they do genuinely like someone?
I don't mind wating for someone I like, but it's the wondering if ill get another chance thats driving me nuts. Is it too much to ask of her to wait for 6 months? I'm also afraid of blowing it by saying these things now, I think if I put up with things the way they are and not put so much pressure on I'll have a better chance in the long run?
Any advice appreciated!!
Jay