Complicated love story. Worth the read. Male and female views and advice welcomed.

[sanitarylove]

Hi everyone. I have a complicated situation I find myself in. I cannot truly understand it and therefore, I open it to the floor. Any help is much appreciated. What is below may be long but I guarantee you it is worth the read and like something you havent read much of before.

Im a 24 yr old post graduate with a decent living arrangment. I am a very social person who doesnt have much problems when it comes to girls. Im in control of my emotions for the most part, but, until recently, I found myself in a bit of a bind. I am caught thinking about this one girl from high school I never got to meet.

This girl was very into me. I used to catch her take any opportunity to look at me. She used to stare at me as I walked by. Sometimes, she would say it out loud in class. I heard her best friend say "He (me) is all she talks about".

In my eyes, she was a perfect 10. I, too liked her and would think about her often. I wanted to talk to her and even ask her out on a date.

But, alas, I coudnt. I was suffering through a very harsh life at the time. My after school life was hell. My parents would constantly fight, my father had serious anger issues. He suffered from a heart attack . Even when he got back on his feet, it really wasnt the same. he lost his job and worked in a very low profit job. I was very poor. I lived in a crappy neighborhood in NY and knew almost no1 because all my friends moved away to a much better neighborhood far away. I was super lonely. I would barely buy anything for myself. I could barely pay for food for myself. Taking this girl out on a date would have been considered a luxury. I was going through hell. As a result, my self-esteem was destroyed. I was too embarrassed to be around ppl as I was deprived of the many things kids my age at the time enjoyed. I only made friends with a bunch of nerds who knew nothing about life, all they knew was video games and yugioh cards and what not.

Everytime she would look at me or give me signs she was into me, I would ignore her and act as if she didnt even exist. I would act as if I wasnt interested in her at all but i didnt show it too well. She knew all along I liked her back because I would look at her alot. She was very beautiful, my perfect 10. I heard her tell one of her friends about me to which he said " why doesnt he just talk to you". Surprisingly, she was still interested in me throughout her many bf's she had when she saw i wasnt making a move. I was too embarrassed to say anything. Days passed by and my embarrasment didnt cease. I didnt make any attempts or moves on her. I didnt even take her to the prom, I just knew she wanted me to. I didnt go to the prom but she went alone when she could have gone with any other guy. I would spend as little time as I could in school and take care of my after school life and family. I couldnt just be friend with her either cuz she was very flirtatious.

When my world was upside down and I felt hopeless and destroyed. Thinking about the attention she used to give to me made me feel much better. I used to have hope one day we would be together. One day my problems would be over and I can be with her. She used to give me hope and help me through those tough times. I knew she had hope in me.
I still remember High School graduation rehersals, she would keep her eyes on me alot. I was so surprised that after 3 years she was still interested but even then I used to ignore her and look away and try to stifle any emotions i had of her. The very last day about 2 weeks after rehearsals, I saw her walk down the street and I was behind. Usually in those scenarios, she would look back at me. But, this time it was much different, I felt as if she didnt even care about me at all. That was the last I ever saw of her. Two years later, while i was in college, i thought of her and thought of how she stuck to her itnerest me in for so long. I realized, perhaps, it may have been love. I then fell in love with her. I wanted to meet her at any cost as my situation was getting better. There was absolutely no way of contacting her, she didnt even have a facebook. It was okay because for the next 3 years I focused on my studies and graduated. I didnt think of her as much but she did cross my mind sometimes. I just felt really bad about what I did.

5 years later. Last month she made a facebook account and now I have my means of contacting her. Although, I prefer face to face interactions, this is the only way i can talk to her. I feel I must talk to her. I dont think of talking to any other girl and I feel, unless I talk to her I can never progress. This message can change my entire life. All my previous family and money problems I mentioned before have completely gone. Things are very good now.
Im not attracted to her on her looks only, im more interested in her role she unknowingly played in my life especially in those dark times. Im impressed by her courage and her attention she gave to me even for 3 whole years of me showing no interst in her other than occasionally looking at her. She was an inspiration to me and a hope for a better life.

Therefore, I ask you all for help and advice. I emphasize more on a female perspective for obvious reasons. Please help me answer the following questions.

1.) Based on what I wrote about her behavior, was she in love with me or simply had a crush on me? Was I her first love?
2.) If you were this girl would you accept me back into your life?
3.) Do you think she forgot me?
4.) Was I an asshole for being embarrassed about my situation and therefore, never talking to her.
5.) What can I say in this message, especially after waiting so long. 5 whole years have gone by.
6.) Am I in love?
7.) Should I bother to message her? I most likely kill my inner emotions and move on.
8.) Is this even a little romantic?

Thank you

[rob1984]

1. No ones knows really
2. If you explained yourself why you had no cnotact based on your situations then why not
3. No, she probably remembers you
4. Yes, you were
5. Hey, I`m glad I found you.. I want to meet you for coffee as I have lots to say to you `` tell her everything ``
6. Infatuated
7. Message her, if she has a bf respect that
8. I dunno, it could be a movie based on how it turns out

so yeah do nopt be a bitch.. tell her your whole life in school and how you were embarrased and so on, she will respect you for that. How you regret not making a move as that should not have mattered, but you thought she deserves better.. blah blah blah...

[sanitarylove]

SHould I explain everything in the message? Or, should i wait till we actually meet to break it down? Also, should my message be short and casual as if we r meetingfor the first time? if so y?

[pcmaster]

The reasons 1.-8. is the reasons why it never worked out before. Cause you did think too much.

You all the way knew what to do and even felt it but still it was mind that kept you away from action. Sometimes you just have to take action with first heartbeat. Let the impulses drive you.

Basicaly when you write make sure you include her name in message(girlschase.com how to text to girl) dont apologise about anything or regret. Keep it short and let her know why are you contacting her. Also dont write anything that you couldnt say directly talking to her. If you gona write all your life in letter than might be you will never get a response so start slowly and than see how it goes.

Cheer up be positive, good luck man !

[michelle23]

1.) probably had a major crush on you
2.) Yes
3.) No
4.) No
5.) Tell her what you told us but shorter and don't mention the word love-say like.
6.) No probably infatuated.
7.) Yes, what have you got to lose?
8.) No lol.

I think you should contact her-tell her what you told us and see what she says. Go from there. If shes not interested don't be too disappointed-the chances are if you got with her back then, it would not have worked out anyway but if you get together now-it may work out

Either way you need to contact her to either arrange a date or to accept its time to forget her.

[sanitarylove]

So, I sent a friend request on facebook and she added me. It turns out she moved to another country. I went ahead and messaged her to meet anyways, as she is in town for one month just to see her family. She says she is too busy with family and has alot of travelling around to do. It turns out she dropped out of college and alot of bad things have happened to her, she feels embarrassed to talk. Although, she was excited i assume since she answered with a smiley face. Anyways i can understand her wants. She wants a new start in a new environment. I respect that and must move on. My feelings for her has reduced alot but i still have alittle bit left inside me. I just want to message her to have a great life. What else can I say?????? any ideas????????

- Just wanted to give u guys an update. Didnt end well but atleast it ended with me coming to peace with my past. I feel I can truly move forward in life. I recommend everyone to confront their past, it feels great. It feels like a crse has been lifted.