She kissed her ex

[Kirkland]

First of all, Happy Halloween to everyone on the forum.

My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about a year. Early on in the relationship she didn�t invest much. I have kind of a history in another post, we were having kissing problems. She didn�t really like me the way a couple should like each other, but after about 3 months that all turned around and she fully embraced me. I have no idea what changed, she said it was because she got to know me better and fell in love.

Last night we were arguing about how we met, because I gave some advice to a friend about his relationship in a text message that somewhat reflected my relationship when it began and I could see similarities. Well, my girlfriend snooped onto my phone and read every last message I have ever had, then became furious that I would talk about us to him. I told her how I felt about us early on, and it didn�t seem like we were going to make it at all, that I had even contemplated breaking up several times, but didn�t because I hoped for more.

Somehow we got to talking about past relationships, because she�s always got this kid who flirts with her online, and I told her that she wasn�t the only one who snooped. I told her that a long while back, in maybe the second or third month we were dating I looked into her facebook inbox and found a message to that same punk. She had wrote that she wished he were there with her, in her bed and holding her. Wishing that he would help her get to sleep and that she missed him. She was insulted that I would snoop onto her account and had a bunch of questions as to how I did it, then downplayed the message and said she didn�t care anything about him.

At this point we were both sitting in the hall in an empty house next to each other just looking unhappy as hell. She asked if I had anything else I wanted to share, and I didn�t so I said no. She said there were two things she had been keeping from me, but that I wouldn�t want to hear them. I said shoot. She said that before we were going out she sent the guy a nude picture. I wasn�t happy about that, but what could I have done, we weren�t even an item. I asked what the other thing was. She said that one weekend she sent me a text message asking me if we could take a break because it was going to be a busy week and she didn�t think she�d have much time for the relationship. I texted her back and said that if that�s how she felt I couldn�t stop her. Again she wrote back and said no, that wouldn�t be fair. So we stayed together.

She explained that on the Friday we had that conversation, she went to a party at her ex-boyfriend�s house and that he kissed her, a lot. They made out, and he asked her for sex, which is why they broke up in the first place, and she said it didn�t feel right, so she left. Well, she remembers the text message conversation differently. She said we had broken up for the weekend and then got back together. I said, no, those messages were all within the same hour, and we hadn�t broken up. Then I told her, that I didn�t care how she tried to justify it, she cheated on me. She started crying and yelling that she didn�t, that she wouldn�t do that to me. I told her I couldn�t see the difference in it even if occurred the way she believes it did, that I�m not just a car to be stopped and started, she ****ing cheated on me.

It happened like a month or two into our relationship. I didn�t storm off mad crazy like I really really really wanted to do. I stuck with her as she balled her eyes out for nearly two hours. I don�t know what to think. I can forgive her for what has happened, but I won�t ever forget. Now every time I�m kissing her I see that shithead kissing my girl and I can�t believe it happened. He wasn't even her latest ex, and the guy she was with before me had been involved with her for a year. Has anyone dealt with something like this? Is it okay for someone to take a break for a day, get together with an ex, then reintegrate like nothing had ever happened and just lie their ****ing ass off. I feel betrayed. I don�t know what to do. Help.

[BreakingPoint]

Dude. Snooping?

I'm not going to sit here and say I know much about relationships, because I don't, but you guys certainly don't seem right together. My GF snooped in to my FaceBook account once, and made a MEAL out of nothing. (I had been talking to a female customer at work once. Her sister did something that interested me (in dance) - and I told her to message me on FaceBook so I could meet her sister through there, and chat to her. On xmas day, this girl sent a message to ALL of her contacts saying "Happy Xmas xx" - And my GF was like..... "this girl is sending you messages on xmas day, when you're supposed to be with me" - and was trying to say I've cheated on her. I couldn't trust her for a long time after, and eventually she apologised profusely, and agreed that after reflecting on it, the message meant nothing, clearly. I told her she still had no right to snoop through my messages, I've never ever done that to her, and if she simply asks, I'll show her them all, because I have nothing to hide, and if I ask, and she doesn't show me, then she has something to hide. But I trust her.


So yeah, basically, it seems like first off, there is no trust here between you guys. You both snoop. On top of that, yeah, she's treating you bad, kissing some other guy but saying you were on a break, or whatever. That's not cool. I wouldn't put up with that. I'd stop wasting my time with this girl, and go find someone who wont snoop, and wont cheat.

[reeba]

let me see if i can summarize. you have been dating your girlfriend for a year but the first 3 months she wouldn't even kiss you. then you found out that during this 3 month time frame she had an internet boyfriend and she had also once made out with her ex.

unless she told you there was absolutely nobody else during those 3 months, then i see nothing wrong with what she did. it wasn't like she was sleeping with all three or even one of them. she was casually dating 3 guys until she could make a choice on who she wanted, assuming she wanted any of them and wasn't going to start casually dating a 4th. then she finally picked one which was you. you should feel good that she had options but she still you.

if you want your relationship to succeed, you have to pick your battles. this is a stupid battle except for the fact that she should not have been snooping. so stop being jealous and tell her that she was worth the 3 month wait, and you are glad that she chose you. and then say you are sorry that you discussed personal things about your relationship with your friend, but you wanted to let him know how worthwhile the wait can be for the right girl. and then lightly scold her about snooping. text messages are poor forms of communication and you can read almost anything from nothing with all those brief sentences and abbreviations.

[Kirkland]

Reeba, that's insane. Would you be ok with your boyfriend kissing another woman, and be happy that he chose you in the end? I'm not a god damn pepsi challenge, I'm a person. We had an exclusive relationship, not some wacked out ****ed up sex in the city desperate housewives bullshit. If she wanted to kiss other men, or ****ing send them nude pictures and share her body, that's fine, she could've done all that without the deception and monagamist promise that a relationship entails.

Breakingpoint, you're right, I don't trust her. But suspicion doesn't come from nothing. She rarely kissed me, even while we spent hours together, and she made. Excuse after excuse. I wanted to find out what was up.

Oh Reeba, this is a girl who has been cheated on before. I told her I'd never do that to someone I loved. She said if I did, she'd kill me. Then she does this. She was paranoid, and I felt the need to look deeper. So shoot me.

[BreakingPoint]

You gotta look at the obvious man. I mean, I get that you're hurt, I can't imagine how it would feel to have that done to me. Fortunately (to my knowledge) - I've never been cheated on in any relationship.

But what is screaming me in the face here, is that you two just don't belong together. End it sooner than later, or you will both end up hurt, angry and broken for future relationships.

[Agape]

All this snooping on both sides. . . and she actually goes to some ex-boyfriends house and kisses him - so much so that he actually asks for sex?!

But it seems to me this is doomed for failure, "I told her how I felt about us early on, and it didn�t seem like we were going to make it at all, that I had even contemplated breaking up several times, but didn�t because I hoped for more. " . . . don't stay in a failing relationship.