dumped, she seeing someone else, but i want her back

[joey_t]

Hi,
Could anyone here please help me. Here's what happened...

We've been dating pretty casual for about 8 months but only see each other once every couple weeks because of work and distance. She was really into it at first but seemed to lose a lot of interest. I probably wasn't satisfying her or giving her the commitment she wanted. She broke up with me. She admitted she started seeing someone else. It really sounded like she didn't like this guy too much.
I've been pretty crushed and been moping around. At first, I ended the breakup call quickly because I was taken by surprise. She is definitely someone that I could see being with for the long term.
I spoke to a counselor who told me to call her and say sorry that I wasn't trying hard enough and making enough time for her and I really liked her and that I want to try again. And to tell her that I was upset she didn't tell me about the other guy (could have been worse she could have been dating 20 guys at once or something)...I called her and told her that and told her that. I also told her I'm not surprised she's dating someone new because she's been looking really good lately. I asked if she wanted to get together and she said yes... but I asked if she really likes this other guy and she said yes. I told her I have to move on at some point.
So I don't know I was thinking give it some time and get together with her to see if she's into it...
What would you do ? Please help... I care about this one alot

[Kromat83]

Regardless of your job, you need to put an effort to make a relationship work.
Once a week is fine to start, but as you get to be comfortable and see it going somewhere, increase it to twice a week and see how it goes, just slowly building something that has potential.
I feel that you mainly thinking about your priorities, doesn't satisfy her needs and of course it is good when they are around a person, but the longer breaks you take, they feel disinterested, and want to find another person that will satisfy their needs.
I think you made this one fail on your own.
If you know you can't devote to an individual as much as is necessary, then you should do every girl a favor and don't date, regardless if you want to spend that time, you are just wading theirs.
There needs to be balance with work, friends, family, girlfriend to make it last.
P.S. devote this time to figure out what you want in the future and go at it alone for a bit.

[vashti]

If she is interested in seeing you, then you still have a chance (unless she is exclusive with that other guy).

I can't really blame her for looking elsewhere, BTW. Dating for 8 months only once every couple of weeks leaves her with a lot of time on her hands, and doesn't demonstrate that you actually care about her much. Girls need attention; we are not goldfish. I think you should step up your dating to demonstrate you actually DO want to be with her, even if she is casually dating someone else. He is competition, so compete. If things progress well, then you can ask her to get rid of the other guy.

[joey_t]

I agree. I think she just got tired of trying and not getting anywhere...I really was never available to her.

But the only problem I have with this is that she might end up stringing me along, while really not being that interested...

I mean if she was really interested, don't you think she would have jumped all over my call last night when I was trying to reconcile things... OR not break up with me in the first place... Or not tell me she likes the other guy.
I guess I could try to show her a great time (she always has a great time with me)..
Others are telling me to let her go and maybe she will decide she misses me...
I don't know what to do

[BackUpOrGetStng]

What is with this epidemic?

See her if she wants to, but also go after other girls. Don't initiate any contact with her. Don't invest further in someone who is investing nothing in you, that's how you hedge your risk of being strung along. Only give what you get.

[Wakeup]

What would you do ? Please help... I care about this one alot

If I were you, I'd let her go and I'd find someone else who would at least have the communication skills to tell you that what you were giving her wasn't enough so that you could at least have the chance to remedy. She told you nothing and just kept you the way things were until she found someone else. Lame and weak of her IMNHO.

Christ if she wasn't satisfied then she should have at least asked you to step it up, to become exclusive together or she'd have to find someone who could and would. How can you remedy something when you think whats going on is fine and acceptable to the other?

I think you're better off finding someone who cares enough about you to at least ask for what she wants from you.