Strong feelings for my best friend

[lenny94]

So im a 19 year old male my best friend is a female a year younger than me. Shes currently at school while im at uni and she lives in another country from me one that i lived in before i moved to the uk for uni. We've been best friends for over a year now and ive recently started to develop strong feelings for her. We dont see each other obviously but we talk everyday through messaging and we skype every now and then.

My problem is that firstly i dont know if she would feel the same way about me as i think she might just want to be friends, but i dont know. Secondly when she comes to the uk next year for uni she wont be near me she'll be very far, so id only be able to see her like a few times a year. I dont know what to do because im finding it very hard to cope with these feelings but i think telling her how i feel might not end well and i dont want to ruin our friendship.

Please give me advice i dont know what to do.

Thanks

[Am I crazy?]

The best thing you can do right now is just remain friends. You do not have the foundations in place to have a relationship in the same city, let alone a long distance. Stay friends and keep in touch and see where it leads. My guess is that you are worried that she is going to meet somebody else and want to try to make her yours. She probably will and there is noting you can do to stop it or compete with another dude in the same city as her. Stay friends and if you ever end up living close enough to date maybe things will be different.

[stev123]

just forget about it, you're gonna end up making it hard on yourself as shes in another country etc. theres plenty of women bro.

[michelle23]

Long distance is very hard and it rarely works out especially if its a long term arrangement.

You should try to forget her for now, create distance between you. You cant really be best friends if your secretly crushing on her. Your just holding yourself back from meeting someone else.

Maybe you should just cut contact with her for now and try to meet someone locally. If you ever end up in the same place again and your both single, you could become friends again but right now its not going to work and you cant waste four years on a girl you cant have. That is just silly

[Rowen]

I agree that it's very hard... I wouldn't try it so you save your friendship. I know it hurts, and I'd normally say that the best for you to do is tell her. But in the end, if you know the odds are stacked like that, a long distance relationship would become that much harder because you'd both know walking into it that there will be years before you will fully be together. It's better this way...I'm sorry. :S

[smackie9]

Ya it sucks but if you distance yourself a bit and find other things to do, the feelings will eventually go away. Hell you are at uni and there are plenty of available girls to you right now. Why not get into activities or join a group on your campus to meet new people and build up a social life rather than being all sad and soppy at some girl you only have access to is over the internet with. Makes sense? Ya I know it's not what you want to hear, and you were hoping by some miracle advice on here your dream would come true....sorry no, you are best to detach yourself and move on.

[smackie9]

i dont want to ruin our friendship.

No what this says is that if this is all you can have out of it, you will take it. You are just being a cling-on, because emotionally dependent on her. This is the wrong reason to be friends with anyone. You are just being co-dependent on this friendship to make you happy.

[smackie9]

You definitely need some kind of closure, but not with the heavy consequences. You could try flirting with her to feel her out. If she stops responding or get weird on you, just stop, distance yourself, and let her initiate contact with you...act like nothing happened.

[lenny94]

No what this says is that if this is all you can have out of it, you will take it. You are just being a cling-on, because emotionally dependent on her. This is the wrong reason to be friends with anyone. You are just being co-dependent on this friendship to make you happy.

Well ive only had these feelings recently, before that we were just really good friends. We talk all day everyday and have done for a year and neither of us can go a day without talking to the other, i dont know if im dependent on her because even before i had these feelings i couldnt go a day without talking to her. Its a weird friendship i dont know but we're really close and i couldn't break off the friendship and i would really miss her companionship if i did.

Tbh i wish i didnt have these feelings i dont want to lose her as a friend but shes all i can think about and its making me kinda depressed cos i know i cant be with her. Yeah i know you cant feel sorry for me cos i feel like this but wont distance myself. Its complicated though.

[smackie9]

Well either you tell her or you just suck it up.