a bit confused

[sadsmile]

hi all

let me try and describe my situation in short. About 6 months ago i started talking with a guy online and after few months we became rather close. About 3 months ago we began talking more and more...and some emotions started developing. Since I am not a person who wants to dedicate myself to someone who I didn't meet we decided to meet...this was in november. We live in 2 different countires so we couldn't do it earlier. when we met...the sparks flew...everything was really great. He was very attentive, loving, the conversations were same...after that weekend we were both excited and happy, things haven't changed a bit.
Two weeks later we met again...again all nice. spent 4 days together...laughing, talking, enjoying each other. we made plans to spend NY together...

Then about a week ago...he became rather depressed...going through some crisis. He found out his sister has drug related issues, his having family problems in general, financial problems..and has pretty much closed himself saying he wants to deal with this on his own. I said ok...I am here if u need me. I would call him once a day, he always seemed glad to hear me...but was clear that he cannot give me the attention and affection i wish for; that he feels a bit empty and doesn't know how to deal with it.

yesterday we talked and he was in a little bit better mood. and he said...i love you...but that initial excitement and thrill is slowly fading and i don't want that.
my reaction was...ok, the initial thrill always fades a bit. its only normal. you can't feel butterflies forever. and besides you can't control how you feel about someone. things are what they are. if u wish to call it off that's ok. and i guess that means no NY together.
he kinda jumped on that and said: nooooooo i am not letting you go. I wanna see you. I want that so much. this is probably just because of all the crisis and things i'm going through. i do love you.

honestly i don't know what to think. i gave him a clear way out. i decided to back off a bit, but still part of me wants to give it a chance. what should i do?

[Konsig]

my reaction was...ok, the initial thrill always fades a bit. its only normal. you can't feel butterflies forever.

Very wise words. If the trip to NY isn't too far/expensive for you, I'd still go on with it. You'll surely have a nice time together, worst case scenario is without real "feelings" but then you're on a citytrip with a good friend, someone with whom you can laugh together and enjoy the city.

And offcourse, feelings fade more when you're not seeing eachother - maybe you two being together will cause the sparks to re-appear : )

Have fun!

[davidtorres]

tell him what you REALLY want out of this. also, why not give it a chance. what do you have to lose?

[Primo]

Sorry sadsmile, those are just guy excuses. He had you a couple of times, didn't fall head over heels and is losing interest. It's normal, just probably harder to deal with being long distance. He may see you again if he's horny and wants to spend money for free sex with a nice girl, but nothing's going to come of it.

[sadsmile]

ty for your replies

well that's just kinda what i don't get. he seems to pulling out of this crisis thing and seems to be in a better mood. he's contacting me all the time...being all affectionate again. if its only sex he's after; i gave him the chance to be clear on that one the same day he told me about losing the feeling and after giving him the chance to completely call it off. i said fine we'll have fun and go our merry separate ways. when i said that he was again trying to convince me that he feels much more than that. that he wants more than that.
ah well, i guess only time will tell. i did decide to just relax, have fun on my own. i will see him on 10 days anyway. and if he continues to lose the feeling and interest..i sure ain't gonna stick around to watch it happen

P.S. sorry for my english, i'm from europe. and the just a note the NY is not New York but New Year :p

[Primo]

Have fun and see how it works out Good luck !

[sadsmile]

ty for replies everyone
we're gonna see each other next week and i guess we'll see then how things go after that