As a fair warning, this post will probably be very long, and I apologize in advance for that.
This seems silly to even me, reaching out for advice to a bunch of people I don't know, but I'm in a position right now that I'm literally at my "wit's end".
First a little history.
I met my now ex about two years ago and we hit it off right away. At the time I was going through the beginning of a divorce, my ex-wife and I had split about 8 months before this.
As cheezy as it may sound, it was a mutual love at first site sorta thing. We were utterly crazy about each other and I quickly knew that I was madly in love with this girl, and I knew without a doubt that she felt the same way.
Now, I recently got laid off from my job and we've been struggling to make ends meet ever sense. With her working and going to school full time, I knew immediately that she felt over-burdened. And then about two weeks ago, out of the blue, she tells me to leave.
Ever since I got laid off, her parents have been hounding her and God only knows what else they've been telling her about me and what they think about me, I don't find it a coincidence that she broke up with me right after eating dinner at the 'rents.
Anyways. She immediately told me that she still wants me in her life and wants to continue being friends. She seems to make it a point to tell me that she still loves me, and tells me more than I tell her. But she tells me that she don't want to be with me anymore. I'm fairly confident that she hasn't found someone else yet, but I don't completely rule out the idea. And she invites me over to her place at least every other day just to hang out and watch movies or whatever (no sex yet), and she's even asked me to sleep over, in her bed, a couple times.
Fast forward to last night..
Last night I was up kinda late and doing stuff on the computer and she started talking to me on Messenger. She asked me if I had any laundry to do and if I wanted to watch a movie. Well, I did have laundry to do so I told her I'd be there in a little while.
I get there and everything is "normal"...as in the same as it's been since we broke up. I go and start my laundry and we put a movie in.
We're just sitting there on the couch. Now, while we were together together, she'd always want me to be touching her in someway or another, whether it be an actual hug or cuddle or just rubbing her legs and feet. And up until last night she mostly controlled herself about it. But she just threw her legs in my lap and I rubbed, just like before.
A couple hours later I asked if she had anything to eat, I knew she did but didn't want to be rude by just going through the cupboard, and I also wouldn't normally ask but I hadn't eaten since the day before and was quite hungry. She seemed overly excited about this. She dragged me around the apartment by my hand, like I didn't know where the food was and when we got to the kitchen she gave me a big hug and told me that she loves me. This wouldn't strike me as significant, except she did the exact same thing the very first time I ever came to her place...only I didn't know where anything was and she was leading me to the bedroom.
So we ate a quick meal together and by this time we were both tired so I suggested that I take her to bed. I just tucked her in the way she likes, kissed her on the forehead and told her goodnight and started heading for the couch. This is where it gets really strange. She took my hand and asked me to rub and scratch her back until she fell asleep. This was a normal occurrence while we were together so I obliged. So I cuddled next to her and lightly scratched her back while she fell asleep. And I asked her two things. "Don't you miss this?" and "Doesn't part of you want it to never go away?", her answers, "Yes" and a shoulder shrug, respectively. Out of respect I pretty much dropped the conversation. I don't want to push her, and want to just let things naturally happen. Then she soon fell asleep and I kissed her goodnight and went to the couch.
Like I said earlier, a couple days ago she was almost completely opposed to the idea of getting back together and now it's "upgraded" to a shoulder shrug..? And this wasn't like an "I don't care, don't want to talk about it" shrug, it was a "I really don't know anymore" shrug.
I'm just so confused right now that I want to rip my hair out. It just seems like things that I said to her when we first broke up are finally starting to sink in. Does it take that long? I mean things like I wouldn't be opposed to us not living together for a while, until I start work again at least, as long as we're together I could give a shit less where I live. She kinda brought this up last night, but not to a big issue or nothing. And overall she seems more "clingy" than the last time I saw her. She'd always been clingy when we were together, I could barely walk across the room without her grabbing me for a hug and kiss, and that happened a couple times last night and this morning, but just pecks on the cheek, no lips. I mean, why would she be doing things and acting in ways she did when we were together, when she clearly knows that we're not right now, and up until I'm guessing yesterday was completely opposed (well...not completely, but it was a "not anytime soon" sorta thing) to getting back together.
I don't think she's trying to manipulate me or mess with my head, she's not the type. Do you think she just misses me as much as I miss her? From what you read do you think a part of her realizes and thinks she made a mistake?
Now I guess the advice I'm seeking is more from a female's point of view. Do I try to, not completely, cut her out? Should I just let her find someone else and do her thing with him so she realizes what she really wants? I think the hardest thing about this breakup are all the confusing vibes.
Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.