Help me open her up to love and (in time hopefully) get her back!

[jules6186]

I started dating my girlfriend a few months ago and it was going really well. However, out of the blue, her ex (not even, they were never together. This person used her for attention until someone else came along and then they broke her heart) texted her flirty things (despite them being in a relationship themselves) and she realized she still has feelings for them, so she decided she needed some time and space and we've taken a step back. We still talk about every couple of days and she says she still cares for me AND she knows she will never be able to be with this person. She also knows how much I care for her. However, I'm having a hard time knowing what to do for her. YES, I DO want to be with her but I'm not pushing for it. If it happens, it happens, I understand but I'm not sitting at home pining away, waiting. If it can happen, then GREAT!!!! I know it will not be anytime soon though. We are moving to the same city in a few months and I wouldn't even consider trying a relationship again til then.

I know we still have a chance. I KNOW she still cares for me. She told me so and when we spend time together it's like we're together again. She catches herself almost kissing me, she talks about how great I am and how dumb she is for being so hung up on this other person. We cuddle, we flirt, we hold hands, she talks about how great our sex life was. We DON'T have sex, she's not one to use someone like that, which I appreciate. She's an amazing person with a great and honest heart who is open and honest with me about all of this. She would prefer to be honest and hurt me rather than lie.

**Please do not tell me to just forget her and move on. This really is not what I truly want so that as advice would not be very helpful. I'm NOT putting my life on hold for her but I still want a chance. Even if we never got back together, she has been my close friend for a very long time and she is not a person I can cut out of my life like that**

What I Need Help With:
1. This girl has her so beat down and hating herself that she cannot see what an amazing person she is no matter what me or anyone else says. She's convinced she doesn't deserve to be loved. What can I do to help her with this? To show her how amazing she is to me in a non-threatening but effective way?

2. Any advice towards EVENTUALLY getting her back? Or to see at least that it may have a chance?

I have time and I have patience. I am not desperate and I want to do this right. Any help would be appreciated! One idea I have been given was to send her postcards on a regular basis. It worked for someone else I know. He sent his ex a card on a very regular schedule. Just something simple, nice and sweet without being mushy, pushy etc. Then, when she had gotten used to it, he just stopped. She realized then how much it (and he) meant to her and they got back together. My idea was to sent a simple post card either once a week or maybe every other week with a happy memory or positive thing about her on it (I.E. a picture of a place we went together which a short message) All while continuing to give her space and then maybe even more so it's not overwhelming. Simplicity. Then after a month or two (8 good comment/memories hypothetically) stop and see if something clicks with her. If it does, great! If not, at least I tried and can never say what if. I just want to make her feel good and see the positive while still giving her time to heal on her own. Make sense? Thoughts or suggestions? Thanks so much for reading! Let me know if I can answer one for you!

[zaccarus]

I like the postcard thing but not sure you should stop it just to provoke a reaction! It sounds like she may need some help i.e counselling to sort out her issues especially over her lack of self confidence etc. Having said that I'm not sure how you could raise it in conversation. In my personal opinion if you want her then you have to remain as you and just be there for her, good relationships start with friendship and it sounds like you have that. You are wise to not want to rush things & sound as though you are committed to her by trying to help her. Stick with it & as you say at least if it doesn't work out you can hold your head high and say that you tried. Good luck!!