How do you do it?

**Gribble** · 24-09-10, 06:10 PM

How do you pretend to care when someone you don't really know that well, say a coworker, shares a sob story with you?

Or do you genuinely care?

The other day a woman told me all about her dying husband. I can't remember exactly what he's dying from, but apparently it's pretty bad. He's been in the hospital off and on for a year now. She told me all this stuff, then she paused and looked at me expectantly.

I've seen other people in my shoes. At that point they would reach out, place a hand on the woman's shoulder and say, "I am so sorry to hear that." To my ears it even sounds genuine.

I said "Oh." An awkward moment followed, then she left. I don't get it. How am I supposed to care about these random people? How do I learn to act like I care? Better yet, why the hell can't they keep it to themselves and to the people who actually do care? I don't run to the first person who makes eye contact with me and share my sob stories. Ugh.

**Petit Papillon** · 24-09-10, 06:17 PM

You need a "heart" for it

**Gribble** · 24-09-10, 06:33 PM

I traded my heart for a blowjob years ago and I haven't looked back since.

**Petit Papillon** · 24-09-10, 06:39 PM

I know Grib, I know

**Gribble** · 24-09-10, 06:59 PM

Originally Posted by Petit Papillon

I know Grib, I know

Really? Was that you all those years ago?

You know, I've got a couple kidneys and a liver still...

**Petit Papillon** · 24-09-10, 07:02 PM

If it were me Grib, you wouldn't have even kidneys and liver left . I would cut them off and sell on a black market, right after I would kill you for being an ass to me

**valhensing** · 24-09-10, 07:35 PM

maybe she doesnt have anybody else. I dont have anybody around me to share anything so if something really bad happens (and i was the one who got heart broken and lost my job at the same time), i might do so.

So u have 2 choices: you just leave her, be true with yourself that u dont care. Or u sympathy with her for having nobody else....and think if u're in her shoes etc.

Regardless, i dont really care actually. there is friend of friend who asked to borrow my money when i just lost my job. I muster the strength to lend her the money, wait until the time she promised to payback but nothing. I waited another half a month, nothing. I went to see her, she avoided me. I texted her to give me back, she texted me to give her time, i gave 1 week. Nearly 1 week from then and she texted me, told me she has no money, just lost her job and is looking for a shelter. Last paycheck is only 300$. I said i dont care. She had had her chance to come clean and told me she couldnt make it and asked for more time but instead, she chosed to ignore and avoid me. Why should i care? It's 100$ only!!

**misombra** · 24-09-10, 08:22 PM

I think people genuinely feel bad. However you're not in any kind of position to sympathize as you've never stuck by a partners side for a long time or even imagined doing so. It would be horrible to watch them die.

I think she just made the mistake of telling YOU of all people. Because tu no tienes corazon.

**Petit Papillon** · 24-09-10, 08:29 PM

You repeat yourself Miso

**misombra** · 24-09-10, 09:20 PM

oh i know! that happens when i post on my phone.

**Gribble** · 25-09-10, 01:21 AM

If something happened to my sister I'd probably turn into Jeffrey Dahmer or something. I'd be nuts.

If that lady was telling me about her dying sister I would not have genuinely cared.

**Junket** · 25-09-10, 05:34 AM

Originally Posted by Gribble

If something happened to my sister I'd probably turn into Jeffrey Dahmer or something. I'd be nuts.

If that lady was telling me about her dying sister I would not have genuinely cared.

Most adults have managed to develop a certain level of sympathy and empathy.

I can't imagine you experiencing many instances of empathy, but sympathy, at least the expression,of sympathy towards another human being is taught to most people.

It's not that you have to genuinely care. It's more about being polite and having a bit of social tactfulness. Humans have always looked to other humans for comfort, women especially.

Even something as simple as, "Damn, that sucks.", would be an expression of sympathy. All it says is, "Yeah, I understand what you're going through is tough."

"Dude, my girlfriend just broke up with me."

"Damn, that sucks."

"Dude, I just wrecked my bike."

"Damn, that sucks."

"Dude, I got herpes."

"Damn, that sucks."

Personally, as I've gotten older, I've begun to experience more levels of empathy. But even if I genuinely don't care about someone else's issues, if just a few empty words can make them feel at all better, I'll play along.

**Gribble** · 25-09-10, 05:56 AM

I can say those words, sure. But they come out completely hollow and are every bit as offensive as saying nothing.

**Junket** · 25-09-10, 06:08 AM

Originally Posted by Gribble

I can say those words, sure. But they come out completely hollow and are every bit as offensive as saying nothing.

No they won't.

Assuming it's a similar scenario as the original post, none of these people will know you well enough, or bother to consider whether or not you genuinely care.

I don't put a lot of thought into it. Same as when I greet someone with a handshake, it's just a cultural norm, anything different would just create friction that I have no interest in.

**doppelgaenger** · 25-09-10, 06:20 AM

I have feelings and empathy, but I have trouble expressing them by crying and giving condolences. I dunno why, that's just how I am.

Thread: How do you do it?

Thread Tools

How do you do it?

Posting Permissions