A guy in need of advice - girls who kiss a lot of random guys?

[michelle23]

We have our own reasons for feeling that way about it which we have explained loads of times. I dont have anything against people who choose to live that way-i just choose not to and id rather be with someone who shares my values. I dont think there is anything wrong with that. And I feel that way about emotional dysfunction etc just from the people I know doing it. Im yet to meet someone IRL who doesnt have issues whos willing to shag anything with a pulse

[dickriculous]

We have our own reasons for feeling that way about it which we have explained loads of times. I dont have anything against people who choose to live that way-i just choose not to and id rather be with someone who shares my values. I dont think there is anything wrong with that. And I feel that way about emotional dysfunction etc just from the people I know doing it. Im yet to meet someone IRL who doesnt have issues whos willing to shag anything with a pulse

I have much less of an issue with the part in bold but earlier itt you were going to far more of an extreme. This is what you said before

people who sleep around lack self respect.

The difference between "sleeping around" and "willing to shag anything with a pulse" is equivalent to the difference between "drinking beer" and "giving myself alcohol poisoning multiple times a week and then dying of liver failure"

[michelle23]

But that is my opinion. Its not going to change. Thats how I feel about it. And im not religious or part of any cultural thing that tells me I "should" feel that way. Its just part of who I am.

[dickriculous]

Look, I know you're entitled to your opinion but I'm not sure that you fully understand the implications of your views here. Look outside of your culture - what about Finns? Almost everyone in Finland has ****ed like 20 or more people...so does EVERYONE in Finland have emotional problems? Are they all broken?

What about gay people? Do you have any idea how much sleeping around gay men do? So...are all of them emotionally dysfunctional?

What about people from the ukiyo era of Japan? There's probably not a society anywhere in the world today that has as much sex as they did, so was every person from that era of Japan emotionally dysfunctional?

I'm not necessarily trying to change your opinion here, just trying to provoke some critical thought.

[michelle23]

I have watched a documentary about a sex clinic in london where gay men were the main focus. And many put themselves and others at so much risk that the hiv status is now 1 in every 7 gay men have hiv. Hepatitus closely follows it. Many of them admitted to having problems with sex addiction. Some of them had more than 3 life threatening stds at once. I mean you cant seriously think that is healthy?

There was another bi man in an open relationship with a woman who had herpes on his ass as well as hepatitus and clamydia.

Many of these people were uneducated about stds-some even asking if I wash myself before and after will that make it okay?

And yes I do believe that they all carry some sort of insecurity/low self esteem-like they are trying to prove a point to the world. Just watch a few episodes of JK and you will see the men I am referring to. They have zero respect for women. Many are down right narcissistic

[Confused367]

Thank you for explaining what you meant I do agree with you on most things but I just dont think you should be so quick to judge about kissing. Its not that big a deal IMO. Maybe you should skip that question in future and just ask about sexual history

No problem, I'm glad we settled that Also glad that you brought it up because I didn't explain myself properly in the first place, and you pointed it out, so thanks. Your advice is also good, but I don't really ask girls how many guys they kissed. The girl I'm talking about is an exception because we simply just had a conversation that went in that direction. The conversation was started by her, not me, as I had no intention of asking her such a question, actually. However the two of us have different values and beliefs and don't really go together

dickriculous: I don't understand how you can call promiscuity, freedom. How much freedom is there in having a STD, or herpes, or getting pregnant when you didn't even plan for it, and then finding out that your fling (naturally) doesn't want any of it? Can you really sleep good at night knowing that every one night stand you have could end in disaster? Freedom is not the ability to do EVERYTHING you CAN do just because you can do it, it's your ability to live according to your own beliefs and be free of regret.

[dickriculous]

I never said that promiscuity in and of itself was freedom, I said that there is freedom, flexibility, and adaptability inherent in those who can either freely sleep around or commit to one. If you can be happy either way then you are less restricted in your options, and therefore more free.

As far as std's and unwanted pregnancies go, we have the means to control that and in our areas of the world as long as you whip your dick out without being stupid you minimize the risk, that's why first world countries - even the ones that tend to sleep around more - have lower instances of these problems than third world countries - even those that sleep around less.

And when you say "your ability to live according to your own beliefs and free of regret" you understand that this is all on an individual basis I assume? If someone is not genetically predisposed toward prudishness - and many people are not - then insisting on being prudish because it's the thing to do or what society expects is absolutely not an example of freedom, nor is that person living according to his/her beliefs. On the flip side, if one's own beliefs are that there is nothing wrong with sleeping around then are they not living according to their own beliefs? The key words here are your own, and "your own" will be different from person to person.

[smackie9]

Kingz: are you a man or a woman? Im confused coz your profile says female but you say things sometimes that make you sound male

A guy dressed in drag....he's going through the transition before the sex change....not really going well tho.

[KingZ]

Oh please. This coming from the Canadian "woman" who drinks beer at hockey games while scratching her nuts.

[Confused367]

Dickriculous: As far as promiscuity is concerned, we already covered that one, so there's nothing more to say on that matter. And yes, I understand what I said is individual

[dickriculous]

Really? You think it's all been said? Admittedly I haven't read the entire thread but all I've seen is everyone fixated on the self-esteem factor. Genetic factors are being avoided like the plague, cultural factors are being avoided like the plague, human nature is being avoided like the plague...sorry but no, you haven't covered that one. Not from what I've seen at least. And it sounds like you're not interested in covering anymore than you already have, which is fine but just so you know you haven't even covered the tip of the iceberg.

[michelle23]

And when you say "your ability to live according to your own beliefs and free of regret" you understand that this is all on an individual basis I assume? If someone is not genetically predisposed toward prudishness - and many people are not - then insisting on being prudish because it's the thing to do or what society expects is absolutely not an example of freedom, nor is that person living according to his/her beliefs. On the flip side, if one's own beliefs are that there is nothing wrong with sleeping around then are they not living according to their own beliefs? The key words here are your own, and "your own" will be different from person to person.

whilst I get your over all point and where you are coming from (people can do what they choose etc), I am not sure why you assume non promiscious people are "prudish". I love sex and have a lot of it but with someone I am emotionally and sexually attracted to.

- - - Updated - - -

Really? You think it's all been said? Admittedly I haven't read the entire thread but all I've seen is everyone fixated on the self-esteem factor. Genetic factors are being avoided like the plague, cultural factors are being avoided like the plague, human nature is being avoided like the plague...sorry but no, you haven't covered that one. Not from what I've seen at least. And it sounds like you're not interested in covering anymore than you already have, which is fine but just so you know you haven't even covered the tip of the iceberg.

I am willing to cover these topics from both a male and female perspective. Men and women have bonding hormones called vasopressin and oxytocin which surge apon orgasm. This is believed to help promote infatuation (the initial bonding stage before love) so they will have soo much sex together that their dopamine hormone will kick in and over time that makes them addicted to each other. Not just sexually but emotionally as well. It is believed that some males and females have a hormone imbalance which can prevent this bonding from occurring. Some males, for example have too much testosterone making them more sexually driven, less emotional and more selfish. Some males are lacking in vasopressin making them less protective, less possessive etc of their partner and more likely to cheat. Some women are lacking in oxytocin making them less nurturing, less emotionally driven and more likely to have superficial relationships (such as marrying a sugar daddy for example).. of course all of this affects parenting as well-hence why some people make terrible parents..

These same hormones (oxytocin and vasopressin) surge when a woman gives birth or when a male holds his offspring for the first time which explains why some women orgasm whilst giving birth or breast feeding (because it is the hormone they usually associate with sex). Some men have even been known to become semi arroused during the initial bonding stages with their newborn which obviously deeply disturbs and confuses them but its because the bonding hormones are the same ones that made him fall in love with the childs mother.

Certain animals (such as wolves) are very similar to humans in this way-having very similar pair bonding hormones. Apparantly dinasours did too.

Anyway according to dr phil and Gary Chapman and Robert weiss (all male relationship counsellors and robert weiss is also a sex addiction expert) one of the ways to spot a man with high vasopressin levels (husband material) is that he doesnt sleep around or show a desire to.

There are so many articals promoting non monogamy and sexual freedom. So many of these have zero scientific or biological evidence to back that up. The reality is that monogamy hasn't been studied in great detail until recent years and it is only now that the scientific/biological evidence is there to give a truly thought worthy argument.

[IndiReloaded]

Well, all I will add to this is that if I was a 20-something young woman and a guy I was thinking of dating told me he'd been tonguing 30+ women that would gross me out too.

I couldn't help but think of all that nasty bacteria and viruses. Ew.

[dickriculous]

1) whilst I get your over all point and where you are coming from (people can do what they choose etc), I am not sure why you assume non promiscious people are "prudish". I love sex and have a lot of it but with someone I am emotionally and sexually attracted to.

2) I am willing to cover these topics from both a male and female perspective. Men and women have bonding hormones called vasopressin and oxytocin which surge apon orgasm. This is believed to help promote infatuation (the initial bonding stage before love) so they will have soo much sex together that their dopamine hormone will kick in and over time that makes them addicted to each other. Not just sexually but emotionally as well. It is believed that some males and females have a hormone imbalance which can prevent this bonding from occurring. Some males, for example have too much testosterone making them more sexually driven, less emotional and more selfish. Some males are lacking in vasopressin making them less protective, less possessive etc of their partner and more likely to cheat. Some women are lacking in oxytocin making them less nurturing, less emotionally driven and more likely to have superficial relationships (such as marrying a sugar daddy for example).. of course all of this affects parenting as well-hence why some people make terrible parents..

These same hormones (oxytocin and vasopressin) surge when a woman gives birth or when a male holds his offspring for the first time which explains why some women orgasm whilst giving birth or breast feeding (because it is the hormone they usually associate with sex). Some men have even been known to become semi arroused during the initial bonding stages with their newborn which obviously deeply disturbs and confuses them but its because the bonding hormones are the same ones that made him fall in love with the childs mother.

3) Certain animals (such as wolves) are very similar to humans in this way-having very similar pair bonding hormones. Apparantly dinasours did too.

Anyway according to dr phil and Gary Chapman and Robert weiss (all male relationship counsellors and robert weiss is also a sex addiction expert) one of the ways to spot a man with high vasopressin levels (husband material) is that he doesnt sleep around or show a desire to.

4) There are so many articals promoting non monogamy and sexual freedom. So many of these have zero scientific or biological evidence to back that up. The reality is that monogamy hasn't been studied in great detail until recent years and it is only now that the scientific/biological evidence is there to give a truly thought worthy argument.

1) All I mean by prude in this context is that he has highly conservative moral values when it comes to the subject of sexuality, I would classify those on your side of the argument as exactly that. Not necessarily a bad thing, it just is what it is and I said that for lack of a better term at the time.

2) While this is all very interesting, and far more comprehensive than any argument that's been made thus far, how exactly does it reinforce the notion - even if it's all true - that the urge to sleep around is always caused by self esteem issues? In fact, read the part in bold. This implies that high testosterone makes a man more likely to sleep around. Know what else is correlated with high testosterone levels? High levels of confidence and self-esteem...the exact opposite of what would be the case if sleeping around were always caused by self-esteem issues.

3) Chimps and Gorillas are the most similar animals to humans. Chimps have a free love style of mating while Gorillas favor harems. Btw only beta wolves are monogamous. The alpha wolf - best of the pack, cream of the crop, is a huge manwhore.


4) I don't "promote" polygamy per se, just saying it's an aspect of human nature. Geneticism = evidence and our reproductive patterns dating back at least to the beginning of recorded history, at most to the beginning of all life, shows that polygamy has always been a part of our gene pool, which would indicate that it's in the inherent nature of a certain percentage of people - no emotional dysfunction or socialization necessary. The DRD 4 gene has also been discovered which has been linked to thrillseeking and promiscuity, also evidence that some people are simply genetically inclined to sleep around.

This is what I mean when I say "genetic factors" and "human nature". Specific conditions don't have to be met for people to want to sleep around, for many people it's simply in their blood.

[Starnique]

People don't want to accept it but the truth is people that sleep around (I'm speaking from a young womans point of view) most of the time does lack self respect and have some sort of issues. Not all but about 95% do. Just from my experience and I'm no angel. I'll tell anyone and I've had my fair share but now that I know what I know since I have matured and grown, I would do things differently and make better choices in terms of sex etc. The chics I know that have a lot of sex partners, every last one of them do have some sort of emotional issues. They try to hide it but you can tell their missing something. It's like you ****ing all these guys and no one has wifed you up? I don't know where some of you live but most guys I know may **** that particular girl but they don't want to be with her seriously. Again, this is my experience and I have been around a lot.