Why is she doing this?

[drunkenm1ndz]

I'm a 23 years old guy who owns a dog and some months ago I met a neighbour who also had a dog. So we started going on walks together and became really good friends. One day her daughter came in (she lived in another city at the time) and we all three walked together, and I immediately caught interest for her.

The weeks went and she came in a few more times, then I hear from her mom that she is moving to our city. So I told her I'm willing to help with the moving, so I helped her to carry alot of stuff into the apartment and I also offered myself to help her clean her old apartment but never got a real answer on that.

Anyway, when she finally settled in this city she added me on facebook and we started talk more and more. We took long and cozy walks with our dogs, we ate icecream on cafe's, took roadtrips with our dogs and photographed them (we both love nature, photography and animals among other things) and we've also shopped together.

As you can see she showed a lot of interest (it was mostly her ideas to meet) but as time went on and I also sometimes asked if we would take a walk or whatever, she always denied me and had something else to do. She felt tired (I know she got some sort of decease and her mom says she likes to be alone alot. Fine.), she was going to the gym and the list can go on. So it felt like she was backing off and I had no idea what to do. Lately we have talked with each other but not as much as we used to.

She tipped me on some movie she wanted to see some weeks ago, so I said maybe I can download it. Maybe a week ago or so I took up that question again and asked her "what was the movie you wanted to see?" and she answered. Then I said "maybe we can plan a movie night together some weekend?" and she answered "maybe so" or "perhaps", I'm not sure which one is in the correct form. I was not sure what she meant because it felt a little unsecure from her side, maybe I was pushing it too much?

I want to add that she has been seeing a 20 years older guy who's a bodybuilder and her mom says he's more like a dad for her but I feel she want to get something going there. Maybe a week ago or so she was talking to this guy and he wasn't answering, so she went by his house and there he was sitting with his ex (who he hated according to this girl's mom, and he wanted to kill her with a electrical gun) in the garden. And when he saw this girl walking by he didn't even say hello. This crushed this girl totally and she was upset a whole week. Then she started talking to me a bit again after I was laying low and not showing any interest for her. So this whole thing feels like we can only meet when she feels like it, or when she got no other guy to see.

What kind of behaviour is this and how do I deal with it? Sorry for the ramble, I suck really hard at expressing myself in text. Hope you understand!

[smackie9]

You are friend zoned. There is nothing you can do to change this except to forget about her. The biggest tell tale sign is that she initiates only. By rejecting your requests is her saying not interested in dating you.

[smackie9]

Tip: never be too eager to help or to be with a girl....you over stepped the line when you offered to help clean her old apartment. I know it seems douchey but don't make offers for anything, wait for a request, and even then act like it might be a maybe, you have to see if you are not busy that day.

Maybe read up on The Ladder Theory.

[4 ratties]

Why are u not calling this chick your girlfriend?!?!? This girl is probably bored with u now. You're not moving to the next step, holding hands, kissing, nothing. She's probably getting bored

[drunkenm1ndz]

Why are u not calling this chick your girlfriend?!?!? This girl is probably bored with u now. You're not moving to the next step, holding hands, kissing, nothing. She's probably getting bored

She is not bored with me, she is still keeping contact with me, just not as often as in the beginning. How can I move to the next step when she never lets me? I feel really uncomfortable doing something like kissing or whatever when she isn't giving me any clear signal at all except some eye contact. I think it's she that don't know what she want..

[drunkenm1ndz]

You are friend zoned. There is nothing you can do to change this except to forget about her. The biggest tell tale sign is that she initiates only. By rejecting your requests is her saying not interested in dating you.

That's what I thought too..

[drunkenm1ndz]

You are friend zoned. There is nothing you can do to change this except to forget about her. The biggest tell tale sign is that she initiates only. By rejecting your requests is her saying not interested in dating you.

I would like to add I have not asked for anything that is a sign of a "date" but rather just dog walks and such. Things friends do together, friends or no friends..

[basilandthyme]

I would like to add I have not asked for anything that is a sign of a "date" but rather just dog walks and such. Things friends do together, friends or no friends..

Ah, well if you treat her as just a friend, a friend is what you will be to her.

Tip for next girl you are interested in: take her on dates instead of playing the 'friend' card.

[smackie9]

You are right she doesn't know what she wants.....she is still at that age where she is still chasing after douchey guys. Don't waste your time with her, that friend zone wall is up and there is no knockin that down any time soon.

[TablesandChairs]

I think you've done things right thus far; you've invited her to things and she's given you a 'maybe'. Obviously things can't progress if she's refusing to spend time with you. This just means she's not interested (otherwise she would have been more forthcoming) and you should move on. Maybe she's got a lot on her mind and this isn't the right time so let her come to you next; if she does, good. If not, so be it.

[michelle23]

I think shes emotionally unavailable and not ready for a relationship. If that is the case, there is nothing you can do. Maybe stop contacting her, be busy next time she asks you to meet, tell her mom your going on a date with someone else, let her see that you are not gonna wait forever for her.

[drunkenm1ndz]

I think you've done things right thus far; you've invited her to things and she's given you a 'maybe'. Obviously things can't progress if she's refusing to spend time with you. This just means she's not interested (otherwise she would have been more forthcoming) and you should move on. Maybe she's got a lot on her mind and this isn't the right time so let her come to you next; if she does, good. If not, so be it.

I'm glad you wrote this because I didn't tell the full story about her. First of all, she got a tumor in her head (benign) and she is taking medication for that which sometimes makes her really tired and a bit depressed. That's why she likes to be alone alot. Also she left a relationship like 6 months ago (the guy was the issue) so maybe she's still recovering from that. Also a dog she owned and had to relocate (?) died a few weeks back and she got extremely sad over that, it's probably still in her mind.

So there's a lot of things going on for her and this is also something I consider, I don't want to push her.

[drunkenm1ndz]

I think shes emotionally unavailable and not ready for a relationship. If that is the case, there is nothing you can do. Maybe stop contacting her, be busy next time she asks you to meet, tell her mom your going on a date with someone else, let her see that you are not gonna wait forever for her.

I was laying low for like a week and a half and not contacting her at all, then she wrote to me a few times. I think that's the best strategy right now, to keep low and let her take contact when she feels for it.

[smackie9]

IMO if she really desired you romantically, a tumor, a death of a dog and some depression would not stop her from wanting to get something going with you. Don't waste your time.

[drunkenm1ndz]

****..... :/