really need advice! :(

[blues414]

hello everybody...
i really need anybody's help, please. i am in a long distance relationship... we have been dating for what would've been 9 months TODAY but we broke up yesterday... so last year in october-ish, i was going to university, i only went for a semester. i was ridiculously drunk and kissed a guy for about 10seconds, that's it tho. it was a quick stupid thing, he was a friend of a friend and i haven't seen or talked to him since, and there were NO feelings what so ever, i dont even really remember what he looks like. anyways, i told my boyfriend because i wanted to be honest with him... i told him when he came to visit...and he said that we would work through it. ever since he left 1.5 weeks ago we started drifting...it seemed like he was never excited to talk to me anymore or anything...so i confronted him about it saturday night...and he said it was nothing but i had a feeling a break up was coming...and surely enough, sunday morning it did. he said he hated thinking about it. and he ended it. we stayed on the phone for a while and talked like we were friends and it was okay, but every now and again i'd burst into tears. i feel like he isnt even upset, but he says he really is but doesnt want to show it. i need him back...ive grown to love him so much more than i did back then,and i would never ever cheat on him again. it was a stupid immature thing i did, and i know cheating is DISGUSTING...but it was so stupid. and i need to know what to do. please, no insults...i know what i did was so wrong and i'm really feeling like such an a-hole and i'm extremely depressed...i know i deserve it. i just... i need him. i cant stop crying. please help. thank you.

[gartlas]

wow.complicated.well it's possible the guy thought he could work it out but his feelings about it were too strong to supress.

Unfortunately for a lot of people cheating is completely unforgivable, sorry but I think it's a bit of a lost cause.I knew someone who's girlifriend cheated on him.In front of everyone else and her he was angry or 'dont care' but he was really torn up and hiding it.

My advice- if u feel it might still work out ,go for it, say ur sorry and want him back or something -u know him better than anyone here.
If u think the chance is too slim do what I think personally- cut him off and move on

[blues414]

thank you for your message... he is now saying to wait for him because he still wants me to be there and in the mean time he will try to get over it... he said that maybe after that we could be together again... do i wait or do i move on?

[Gigabitch]

I say just go about your own life and put your entire romantic life on the back burner for a while.

Don't wait for him but don't date anybody else for a while. You need to get your balance back. Take yourself off the market until summer.

[blues414]

i agree with you both...it's just so hard. he was like "Wait for me, maybe i will get over this and want to be with you" we agreed not to be with other people but... should i really wait for him? what if i wait wait wait and then in a couple of months he's like "sorry i dont want you" or "i've met someone else" or something? then i will be heart broken all over again... i want to let go but i dont know how. i feel so upset and depressed, i can't eat anything. i'm just so upset our 9 month relationship is being thrown away over a stupid meaningless kiss... i know it's my fault i just...wish i could go back in time. i want to be bale to let go with no regrets...what if i walk away and then he says "i want you back"??? it's such a confusing situation, and i'm so lost...

[gartlas]

well - he doesnt want to let go of you, but he still feels distrust so is battling his inner demons - he's only telling you to wait in case the 'trouble letting go side' wins - which In my opinion is not gonna happen - do what giga said - dont date anyone for a while. summer seems a bit extreme though ..[=

as for the go back in tme bit we al wish we could - unfortunately we all make mistakes- I sympathise , but it seems to me that if you'd never done anything before he could have forgiven you - maybe he's very sensitive?? eating is important though - depressionis no reason to get all anorexic , and not eating is likely to make u grouchy and irritable