"Other guy"

[nyman]

Hey guys, a month ago i met this really really great girl at a local university event. Since then we have been talking a lot, and meeting each other for lunch on campus almost every day. Our relationship has really developed, and on saturday night we went out and had some fun. Now, this is the problem, on saturday when we were out, she kind of passed by the fact that she has been talking to this other guy which she met a few months back. This guy is the son of a family friend of theirs, and when i tried to get more information out of her, she really didnt seem to want to talk about it. She was very very hesitant to call this guy her boyfriend, but when i asked if they can date other people she said, i dont know, id be mad if he did. This was obviously very hurtful, but the worst part is, where the hell does it leave me? I mean we have really gotten close, we talk just about every day, and our relationship has developed almost to the point of boyfriend and girlfriend, she even calls me for help with directions and stuff now. What do i do about this?? If i bring it up, and say listen i want to be with you, officially, whats your thoughts? im afraid that she will say nothing can happen, im with this other guy, and everything ive worked for will be wasted. Should i stick it out, and hope this "other guy" just dissolves or something? I mean all my friends (including girls) say that its pretty obvious this girl had an interest in me. In fact she even met my family last week. Oh man, im sorry for the long e-mail, this has just been very stressing, i hope you guys can help out, thanks a lot.

[malpass]

Stop and realise what you have. Your a very close friend to her, thats far more important than being just her bf trust me, don't mess things up, just hint to her every now and then that it hurts a little that she is seeing someone else but don't make a big deal out of it, that way she knows you really do like her and she will respect you for not going off on one about it. It will work out in the end.

[nyman]

I like your optimism, but i just dont know, i feel very bad about the whole situation, i fell as though our relationship will never be able to develop into what i would like it to if not for this other guy. I mean, its hard when u really like a girl, and know her just as a freind.

[csm]

Just ask her what she thinks of you. It's either 1) assume she doesn't want to date you (which your evidence does suggest), 2) she tells you that you're a good friend or something like that, or 3) she says something that basically tells you she would date you. As long as you don't screw up how you ask her, it shouldn't really be awkward. Or you could try the old junior high method of getting a mutual friend to ask her what she thinks of you...