True love or biggest mistake?

[jas0603]

Here's the short story. I've been dating this guy for two and a half years. We broke up in the past a couple of times, mostly because I got tired of the relationship- I had a longer one before we started dating, and this guy is the reason why I broke up with previous guy in the first place. Anyways, I'm pretty sure this one is the love of my life. Let's call him Joe. Joe loves me as much as I love him, of that Im sure, but I think he got tired of us fighting all the time, as well. We are currently no longer together, it's been almost a month and a half now. Our longest break up lasted 2 months and we were seeing other people at that time. He lied to me more than once, but I think it was mostly because he was afraid that I would leave him for good if he told me the truth, and I know he was angry at the time because I had been dating this other guy for a few weeks. I lied to him a couple of times, to be honest. Writing this makes me realise how complicated things are between us. He also proposed to me last year, and I accepted. It wasnt a "formal" engagement, it was more of a thing to prove ourselves and others that we really do love each other and arent ready to give up. In the past I was the one who got to say when it's over and when we can make up, but now the tables are turned. Now he's the one that plays "hard to get" and is kinda avoiding me, and stuff like that. I understand him, I did this to him before, now he's sick and tired and decided to man up a little bit and take things into his own hands. Besides these "few" times when we ****ed up, mostly because we are still young-only 21, we had a really great relationship. My parents love him and his parents adore me. We are both med students, we get along perfectly when it's just us. But it's all that build up anger and resentment that keeps us from moving to another stage in our relationship. Anyways, he's out of the country for a week, and it made me realise that I cant live without him and that I dont really want to. So, here's the thing (sorry for the long post, but you see it's complicated): I wanted to have a conversation with his older brother, that's a good friend of mine, to see how he feels about us, he knows everything that happened, and Im sure he knows how Joe feels right now. I wanted to ask for advice, but Im not sure if that is going to make me look pathetic. I dont want to give up, I know this sounds like the worst love story ever, but Im sure some of you know that feeling in your gut when you just know you shouldnt give up just yet, I feel like he's the greatest love of my life, we just need to grow up and start thinking straight. So please, help, tell me what to do? Should I fight for us, or give up and accept that it really is over? Sorry again for the long post and thanks for your time

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't ask his brother, ask him. If you can't do that, then you don't really want it that badly.

It sounds like he really is done though.

[jas0603]

I can do that, but I feel like I need someone "outside" our mess to look at things. My best friends says i shouldnt give up if i feel like this, but Im also tired of breaking up. It's kinda all or nothing at the moment. And Joe and I have talked about us a lot, but somehow every time it ends with "i love you- i love you too, but things are so ****ed up". I guess we dont know how to get out of this mess.

[HeartIsAching]

If you're doing it to prove something to each other, then you shouldn't do it. Given your history, it's almost certainly best that you just accept that it's over. If you go ahead with it, I'm envisioning a train wreck.

[Gregory1]

bumb ubm!

[jas0603]

If you're doing it to prove something to each other, then you shouldn't do it. Given your history, it's almost certainly best that you just accept that it's over. If you go ahead with it, I'm envisioning a train wreck.

I guess you're right. I've given it a lot of thought since yesterday, and I think I know what to do. I guess sometimes love just isn't enough. We messed it up so badly, there's no way we can sort things out, at least for now. Thank you for your advice

[VincenzoG91]

It's entirely possible for two nice people to be incompatible. He's a good, you're good, but the two of you are not good together. What were all those fights about? If they were over important things, like different values, that's a clear sign that things won't work out. If the arguments were about petty things, that's still troubling, because then it seems like one or both of you are trying to dominate the relationship or even change the other person. Although you are both relatively young, you are old enough to know who you are. Neither one of you is likely to change much in the coming years, so the past conflicts will probably repeat until you two split for good. In addition, you will both be under a lot of stress for the next several years, dealing with med school and then residency. You may both have big student loans to pay, and being a doctor isn't that great a deal these days in terms of compensation. I'm not saying that things won't work out, but the odds look bad.

[jas0603]

Thank you Vincenzo, I appreciate it very much. I realise that things are over between us, at least for now. Who knows, maybe some time in the future, when we get older and smarter, we'll get another chance. Anyways, it's pretty clear to me what i need to do. Thank you again, this means a lot.