Urgent Help Please

[helpurgentplz]

My fiancee is having strong second thoughts. Please help me save our relationship of 4 years.

We got together 4 years ago, and have had a wonderful time ever since, apart from the last may be 4- 5 months. We moved in after about a year of being together and have been living together since. We got engaged 5 months ago.

Over the last one year and a half we started being increasingly busy in our jobs; and I found it very difficult to come to terms with her new work load: which involves working 6 days a week, quite often 8- 10 hour days but several times 16 hour days. I confess I could have been more supportive there, instead of demanding.

It didn't help that my career was taking setback after setback, and for a while I was confused. My career is on track now but I do believe that my emotional availability would have been higher had I not be stressed at work and career wise. So I was getting frustrated, tired and stressed sitting alone at home and when she came home at 10 pm, I would not be very supportive and she would be irritable as well.

Now since the last 3 months, she has been having these second thoughts. She says that she thinks she loves me less, she is worried we might not be right for each other, and she needs time to decide. She says the reasons for these thoughts have been that we have fought a lot in the past few months and she wants to stop and consider whether that is because we are not the right people for each other.

I however, seem to think that a lot of the fights we have had can be put down to excessive work load of hers, and career setbacks and chaos of mine. She does see my point, but wants to examine everything carefully, which is fine, I suppose.

I believe in our relationship and I believe she will as well, so I hope she will come to the same conclusion that we are great together.

However, I do not want to loose her. She is still occupied a lot by her job, and this rethinking of relationship, I am sure, is stressful. I fear that amidst all this chaos, she might hastily lead herself to believe that separating is the only choice for us. She says she does love me, but she fears that we have not been getting along of late, and that this might be a sign.

I need all the help that I can get from everyone here, in helping me see things clearly and avoiding a breakup. We have spent great time together and I genuinely believe we can get over the setbacks of last few months. I know she loves me, and I want to be able to put her back in touch with those feelings rather than the crippling fear and doubt that has come over her since our engagement.

Thanks all for reading and I look forward to all the responses.

[nico88]

I don't get why your fiancé would want to rethink things just because you two were fighting. All couples fight from time to time. It's normal. Now if you guys were clashing with each other constantly and doing nothing but arguing then I'd maybe rethink the relationship. It sounds like this was brought on by work related stress so I wouldn't think too much into it.

I'd suggest maybe going to see a couple's counselor. It'll help you two sort of any underlying problems you two might have and it'll also help you easily address any more problems you might run into in the future.

Good luck to you dude.

[helpurgentplz]

Hi thanks for your message. I've suggested counsellor but she disagrees. And she doesn't agree that it's work related stress, although I'm convinced. She's now told me she has been "impressed" by this man at her work who is "just like her" whereas we are "so different ". I've told her not to be guilty about it and thanks for telling me. She insists that it's not a crush but she wonders that would things be easier if she was with this man. I just don't want to loose her..