What am I doing wrong?

[craig2002]

My girlfriend off 8 years is no longer one bit interested in sex with me. Both in our twenties, we have never had an exciting sex life. These days 2-3 months can go by without sex. I have stopped trying with her because I can't take the consistent rejection. Last time I start kissing her and put my hands on here my advances where stopped because I had not planned with her that we where going to have sex.

It is easy to look in from the outside and say that we aren't right for each other, but outside the bedroom we have a great relationship and love each other very much. I may be old fashioned but I am off the belief that a woman should look after her man in the bedroom, same goes for a man with a woman but I'm not given the opportunity.

I spent the whole summer working out very hard and have got into very good shape to try and get her interested in me, but she not once noticed my toned body or commented on how well I done.

Is it possible that I am doing something wrong, everytime I bring up the subject she makes me feel like here we go again complaining. On our last 2 week holiday with our own Villa and had no sex. On the last night I went all out and tried everything, I ended up getting a hand job and she wouldn't let me touch her, and made me feel like shit for it afterwards. We are going on holiday again in a few weeks and I've had that much rejection I have lost my sex drive completely. Its almost like she gets off on rejecting my advances.

I don't understand how she could be so uninterested in me. The other day we where out walking in the woods and I suggested we go find a quiet place and have a bit of fun. I was made to feel like a sex pest for that one. I read all these relationship help guides and they all say try new things to keep the sex alive, but I can't even get her to talk about sex.

Could someone please give me an in sight to her thoughts from a woman!

[Ann S]

If you want a non sexual relationship, then you have one. You have selected a non sexual girlfriend, and I'm so surprised that YOU won't take, "NO!," for an answer. What is it about her behavior that you don't understand? She DOESN'T WANT SEX WITH YOU! So, YOU get to decide if that is the kind of romantic relationship you want. And, knowing what you know, if you decide to stay in a relationship with her, YOU don't get to complain. She gives no indication of being interested in you sexually. Good luck. Ann S

[btide15]

If you want a non sexual relationship, then you have one. You have selected a non sexual girlfriend, and I'm so surprised that YOU won't take, "NO!," for an answer. What is it about her behavior that you don't understand? She DOESN'T WANT SEX WITH YOU! So, YOU get to decide if that is the kind of romantic relationship you want. And, knowing what you know, if you decide to stay in a relationship with her, YOU don't get to complain. She gives no indication of being interested in you sexually. Good luck. Ann S

Okay from another outside view, this makes sense. She isn't a sexual kind of girl. But even non-sexual people should be open to sex with their partner of 8 years! Also OP said she is no longer interested in sex. OP: did you do something in the bedroom that might have turned your partner off?

[Ginger2013]

I've said this before, and I truly believe it. Once the sex stops, the relationship won't last too long after that. We all have needs, and it's not just about the orgasm. Sex is an intimate exchange of love and affection between partners in a relationship. It's about wanting to give each other pleasure and wanting to receive that pleasure as well. It brings people closer. If you say you have such an amazing relationship outside the sex, perhaps she has some physical or mental problem that has made her turn off sex entirely. When I had my undiagnosed depression, I went nearly 20 years with no sex. I dated, but I bailed out if anything got more intimate than kissing because I was too asexual at that point due to the depression. Anyway, that's just an example. I think that the two of you have become compatible best friends, but if you want sex and she doesn't ever, I can't see this really lasting.

[searock]

Your relationship was never sexual, right? Why would you expect it to change after 8 years?

[anonymous_a]

Sounds more like a friendship to me. If you want a sexually fulfilling relationship, go out and find someone willing to actually have a romantic, sexual relationship with you.

[craig2002]

We used to have sex but that has stopped now. Anytime I want it I have to work for it and I've stopped doing that. On less i spent all night working on it I've no chance. While I crave wild sex I also know that the grass isn't always greener, and who is to say I would ever find another partner. After lots of thought I have decided that I can do without the sex, which I know a lot of people will say won't work. I have went through most of my twenties with very little sex, and no longer have the same sex drive i used to. I love my girlfriend more than anything, and if she doesn't want it then ill accept that. Can our relationship last? I don't see why not? She is as happy as ever with me, so I'm going to enjoy life and not stress over things I can't have.

[Ginger2013]

We used to have sex but that has stopped now. Anytime I want it I have to work for it and I've stopped doing that. On less i spent all night working on it I've no chance. While I crave wild sex I also know that the grass isn't always greener, and who is to say I would ever find another partner. After lots of thought I have decided that I can do without the sex, which I know a lot of people will say won't work. I have went through most of my twenties with very little sex, and no longer have the same sex drive i used to. I love my girlfriend more than anything, and if she doesn't want it then ill accept that. Can our relationship last? I don't see why not? She is as happy as ever with me, so I'm going to enjoy life and not stress over things I can't have.

Sounds like you've given up on a fulfilling relationship, good luck to you. I predict you will cheat once the opportunity arises.

[craig2002]

I will never cheat, I believe people who cheat allow themselves to get in the situation, anytime another girl has shown interest I quickly put a stop to it like any decent man should.

[searock]

Why are you settling in a relationship that doesn't fulfill you?

[Ann S]

btide15 - Who said, "even non-sexual people should be open to sex with their partner of 8 years?" Why would you believe that? She is TELLING you that she is NOT interested in sex. When do YOU take, "NO," for an answer?

[Boisdevie]

Why are you settling in a relationship that doesn't fulfill you?

Exactly. Life is way too short to put up with that kind of crap.