Advise?

[lasson]

Hi all, I am 17 this year. Recently I am attracted by one of my not so close friend. Recently in a open house, I, my friend, her and her friend went together because they wasn't sure where the place is. We have a friendly chat from our place to there and from there back to our place. We joked around and it quite a fun day. For the next few day, we message each other and overall quite a friendly chat. I though maybe she could be interested in me. But my friend warn me that she is a much more sociable person, very friendly and aware me that perhaps some messages could be just friendly message or so. This let me stuck and I have no idea what to do next. Furthermore I am not quite sure this is the right year to be together since she has a important exam going on this year. Pls advise. Thanks, sorry for my poor english, not my main language.

[TheSphinx]

Man up and ask her out.

Make plans to do something fun with some friends and invite her to come out.

Even if she can't or is unwilling, you'll still be out having a good time and potentially meeting other women.

~Sphinx

[Gigabitch]

Jump on it before you end up being her "friend". Ask her out. It's a date, not a marriage proposal. It doesn't have to get in the way of her studies.

[GrkScorp]

Man up and ask her out.

Word of warning on this ambiguous concept of "Man up"

I was walking my dog one day and this old man approaches me and start to engage in one-way conversation.. I wasn't interested, and he was talking about something boring, so I simply nod my head, make no eye contact, and give him short one-liner answers to all his questions.

Can you imagine how awkward I would feel if he asked me for my number, or asked me to meet again and hang out some time? Even more awkward, can you imagine if it was an old woman and she asked me on a date?

The point i'm trying to make is; don't be ignorant.. the world doesn't revolve around YOU..

You're attracted to her, (or at least at 17, you think you are), in any event, that's great.. for you.. but what about how she feels? Does she feel the same way you feel, or does she feel like you're that old guy on the street that she has to be polite & friendly to?

The main question to ask yourself is.. "Why would she like me? What have I done for her to like me?"

If you think an acceptable answer is "i'm a good looking guy who's friendly and funny"; you're probably on your way to getting rejected & heartbroken (not because you're not good-looking or funny, but because this doesn't fit the bill).

- Are you the leader of your social circle of friends?
- Do other women like you? Can she SEE that? (don't tell her)
- Does she want to be part of your social circle? (are they fun?)
- Do you offer her any unique value? (humor, information, fun)
- Are you a socially "in demand" guy?
- Do you have standards when it comes to women? (it's good to have standards)
- Are you a push-over, nice, needy, pushy, creepy, desperate? (not attractive)

Work on those..

Also, please don't confuse "bold" with "confident".. BOLD is something people this is "manly" when in fact it's something someone inexperienced, immature, insecure, and desperate would do. CONFIDENT is something someone experienced, mature, confident, and with high standards would do.

BOLD: You ask her out, constantly ask to spend time with her, constantly call her, constantly take every moment you see her to go and talk to her, even throw what you think is a manly statement expressing your interest. (think about the old man, if she's not interested in you yet, it's the most uncomfortable situation to be in)

CONFIDENT: You don't constantly seek to spend time with her, you don't crave her attention and validation, your attitude towards her is NOT "she's so hot, I hope she likes me, what can I do for her to show her how I feel?", your attitude towards her is "If this woman WINS ME OVER and makes me a part of her life, it will be the best thing that can happen to her; if not, the joke is on her, and it's her loss, and if she doesn't realize it, I just won't be able to stop laughing at what an egotistical idiot she is"..

"IF" she's good-looking & social; chances are, you're not the only one who's thought about giving her attention, and doing nice things for her, or telling her how great she looks, etc.. (there have been waves of other guys that have done this; and she's still single.. think about it for a second.. that means this doesn't work)

Female ego makes male ego look like Moldova in the face of Russia. The tragedy with female ego is that in good-looking women, it needs constant attention and validation. This is why good-looking women feel the need to "just go out and dance". It's not the dancing that's fun, but the attention they get. One of my exes said it best; "ugh, tonight sucked, I went out all night, and not one guy came up to hit on me". She wasn't looking to get with anyone; she just wanted the ego-boost of being desired, and then rejecting (to feel a sense of demand & control; power). It's intoxicating, so much so that women will develop powerful ego-protection mechanisms to guard their ego from being hurt.. An other ex of mine was talking to this guy at a lounge, she came back after hours and said "he's a great guy, but I think he's either "gay, has a girlfriend, or is married" because he didn't ask me for my number is show interest at all". This is the only rationalization her mind is willing to accept; in her world "there's no way he's not interested in me, that's just not possible, everyone likes me".

There's good news.. the female ego is such a powerful motivator of behavior; it can actually be manipulated to seek attention & validation, that you can make her feel that attraction to you..

Strategy: (In order)

- Open (you're past this, so ignore)
- Active Disinterest (you show disinterest in her all the way until Pair Bonding)
- Put-downs & Negs (you knock her ego off its high-horse, and make her self-conscious indirectly)
- Demostrate Value (you have to be socially in-demand, her friends have to love you, other women must like you, guys must see you as a leader, and you must take control of social dynamics & the conversation, be fun, funny, interesting, and LEAD the social scene)
- Her Attraction (continue to display value while showing disinterest in her, actually ignore her "she hasn't done anything to gain your attention", and PD/Neg if you feel her ego is acting up)
- Pair Bond (do not say anything about her looks, EVER! down-play them; beauty is common, qualify her, make her feel like you are screaning her to see if SHE is good enough for YOU.. why? because this is what she'll be doing to YOU if you don't do it first.. find things you like about her and express how impressed you are, or how rare a quality that is, don't do this for everything!)
- Turn off Game (enough said, when you have a strong pair bond and she feels she's won you over, SLOWLY & with MUCH effort; turn off game)
- Conversation (be yourself; no flattery, EVER!)
- Connection & Comfort (start to preform compliance tests and constantly push for compliance momentum & escalation)

Her Tests:

BS-Test- she will bust your b@lls and try to push your buttons to see what bothers you.. if you are affected by anything she says/does, you FAIL.. if you could care less what she thinks.. you PASS (if you can't put up with her crap; how can she expect you to put up with everyone else's crap for her?)

Fakes Interest & sees how you react: If you show interest back, you FAIL. If you don't show interest back and could care less, or laugh as if it's funny, you PASS. (Only someone interested and of low quality/value would melt so easily; you must be easy or desperate; hence not attractive if you fail this test)

Fakes Disinterest & sees how you react: If you lean in when she moves away, wait for her if she leaves, or anything that is clingy but you feel is (being a gentleman), you FAIL. you also FAIL if you get nervous or upset at her disinterest in you. You PASS if you could care less; find her boring and continue to be fun and talk to other people in the group while ignoring her. (women like to feel like they can pull the plug on Christmas; so when you're with her, don't be the boy who feels like he didn't get any gifts; tonight you're Jewish, you could care less about Christmas.. if she feels that you're unaffected, she feels she can't control you; you're now in control, this is good, for YOU, the MALE; expect nasty negative female comments to follow because of this post)

Traps you into explaining yourself/apologizing: If you have to explain yourself, justify something, or say sorry for something you said/did, you FAIL. If you're a man, stick by your word, and don't take back what you say/did just because it makes her upset, you PASS. (don't go overboard with this. This isn't a license to be a total d*ck; just show her you're a man, and she can't push you around)

Brag-Test: If she can get you to brag about yourself for her, you FAIL. If you instead ignore her, change the convo, or downplay your story if you must, you PASS. (again, only someone interested in her would do this, this showers her ego with miracle grow if you FAIL; but you retain control if you PASS)

Do/Buy-Test: If she can get you to "do" things for her or "buy" things for her; you FAIL. If you convey that you're not about to do/buy anything for her unless you have some reason to, you PASS. (again, you don't want to be a push-over.. doing/buying stuff isn't sweet, it's stupid, and if you're stupid enough to do it, she's smart enough to accept and reject you later with an innocent "let's just be friends")

Power & Control:

IMPORTANT: you can pass every test, and PD/neg till your mouth runs dry, but if you don't take over the social dynamic correctly; your effort has gone in vain.

- Women will use subtle cues to establish the frame that SHE is the prize and YOU are chasing her.. (if this happens, you FAIL, you lose)

Example: You don't have to come if you don't want to. (translation: if you come now, it's because you want to)

- Control the frame so that YOU are the prize and SHE is chasing YOU..

Examples:

- Someone mistakens you as a couple. You have to jet out the words "we're not a couple; we're just friends" before she does.
- (She says something flirty), you say "oh g-d, that's the worst pick-up line i've ever heard"
- "Thanks, but you're still not getting my number"
- "Look, we're just friends"/"let's just be friends" (seriously!)
- "I'm not ready for a relationship right now"
- "I don't know you well enough yet"/"I barely know you"

Because of the nature of good-looking women; if you chase, you come off as needy, desperate, and not a challenge.. They have plenty of guys chasing them.. and they're still single.. so improvise, and use their tactics against them.. they can't complain.. i've told each and every one of my exes exactly what I did and why I did it.. and all of them almost instinctively tell me "that's not fair" (translation: that's for women to use exclusively, you cheated)..

Best of Luck..

[TheSphinx]

Word of warning on this ambiguous concept of "Man up"

Note to the original poster: As English is not your primary language, I frequently interchange "man up" with "grow a pair," both with the intent to advise a more confident and forward approach.

~Sphinx

[lasson]

Jump on it before you end up being her "friend". Ask her out. It's a date, not a marriage proposal. It doesn't have to get in the way of her studies.

Hi Gigabitch care to explain why it is bad to end up being her "friend"?

[Junket]

Hi Gigabitch care to explain why it is bad to end up being her "friend"?

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/20599-becoming-her-friend-trusting-friend.html[/url]

Read my post towards the bottom responding to a similar question of the thread starter.

[lasson]

Hi, I am totally lost. It is not I don't want to ask her out or so. But I have no idea to continue from the sms stage. I not quite sure whether she is just being friendly or do I stand a chance which lead to me to second doubt myself of calling her or so.

[bohemiandonut]

Read Grk's post.