Hurt :(

[ZiggyZ]

So, basically this has been going on for a while, I had this major crush on this girl.
We never got really close, but at a point we got veeeery physical at a point.

This is when I got pretty lazy and just thought "Okay.. she's interested, nice" I never kissed her though, she initiated a few kisses on the lips but that's that. After 4 of those nights, she withdrew ALOT, she just grew cold and friendly on me. That was a month ago or so. Still, I thought, no biggie.

But now, an aquantaince of both of us started chatting her up alot, and just tonight they ended up getting eachothers number and at the end of the evening they started making out for about 10 minutes infront of me, it hurt VERY much, especially when she acted just nice to me like nothing happened.. When I walked her to her bike I just casually mentioned them and she said: "Yeah, we might end up being together, I always have a good time with him..."

So, I know I ****ed up badly, and missed alot of oppurtunities, I was always waiting for the right moment, but now I realize I should have just done what this guy did and I would have her by now.

Still, I don't wan't too give up if there's still a little hope as the making out happened under influence of heavy alcohol. Is this worth saving? Should I still try to get close to her and ask her out or should I walk away, don't show my face again and start healing?

[Peter Pry]

You didn't do anything wrong; she decided that you were not for her. Don't be a stalker. Move on to the next one.

[LailaK]

I'm not going to sugar coat it. You lost out on your chance because you didn't go after her and make it clear that you liked her. Therefore, she assumed that you weren't that interested and when someone approached her that wasn't afraid to show he liked her she went for it.

Next time you like a girl, let her know.

[ZiggyZ]

Well yeah, but the thing is, she isn't being exactly "normal" with me either, more like a little pissed off about something, we used to laugh so much and we kind of had the same humor, now when I try to atleast start some friendly conversation I get one word awnsers and a blank stare, where as if anyone else said the exact same thing, she would light up and flash a big smile...
Also, all of us go out around twice a week. If I dont show up now, RIGHT after the make out thing, it shows I care. And I refuse to give her the satisfaction... Meh this isn't going to be fun : /

[Peter Pry]

Well yeah, but the thing is, she isn't being exactly "normal" with me either, more like a little pissed off about something

She's pissed off because she was interested and you ignored her. You rejected her. Of course she isn't happy with you.

Also, all of us go out around twice a week. If I dont show up now, RIGHT after the make out thing, it shows I care. And I refuse to give her the satisfaction... Meh this isn't going to be fun : /

Stop playing bullshit mind games. Now you're intentionally trying to hurt her, which makes you a dick.

[ZiggyZ]

Wait, what? I never ignored her. I guess I forgot to mention she had a boyfriend half a year ago, I mean just a month before they broke up they got into this fight, then she suddenly wanted to go to a club with me after he wen't home, then she basically threw herself at me, kissing me on the face, all that intimate stuff, even afterwards asking "we should go somewhere and do something now..." I didn't act on this because she was with somebody, I didn't know her so well so I thought it was just a drunken one time thing and that she and her boyfriend (who's twice the size as me by the way..) were gonna patch up anyways.

Well a few weeks after that it all happened again, and guess what? Mean body builder ex boyfriend came and was watching her every move.

Out of all the time's she was like this I never ignored her, I laughed with her, hugged her, put my arm around her, maybe I should have taken initiative some times but I was responsive. The only thing I didn't do was try to make out with her like all the drooling drunks tried.

Now, I don't know what happened, we were very close one night, she invited me over to new years eve, was all excited when I called her, wen't cold on me when I showed up specifically for her because she was the only one I knew, so I was kind of left alone with her family, no biggie though, had a good time...Next sunday, she was friendly again, even came close to sealing a date with her, but got ruined by one of our friends (long story) and after that it was all downhill.

Now it boggles my mind if you think this is a good reason to be mad at someone, I mean It's never been clear about our feelings but I do know that we've done things that include "more then friendship".

[Peter Pry]

This is when I got pretty lazy and just thought "Okay.. she's interested, nice" I never kissed her though, she initiated a few kisses on the lips but that's that. After 4 of those nights...

I didn't act on this because she was with somebody...

maybe I should have taken initiative some times but I was responsive. The only thing I didn't do was try to make out with her like all the drooling drunks tried.

came close to sealing a date with her, but got ruined...

Sorry, dude. That's "ignoring." All the drooling drunks tried, but you were the one she wanted. You rejected all her advances and essentially put her in the friend zone. People who are romantically/sexually interested in one another kiss, take the initiative, make out, and seal the date. You seem to have waited too long and now she's moving on.

Now it boggles my mind if you think this is a good reason to be mad at someone, I mean It's never been clear about our feelings but I do know that we've done things that include "more then friendship".

Exactly. "more than friendship" means making herself vulnerable to you, and you didn't accept her offer. That's painful. Think of the times you've had chemistry with someone (you thought) and they never seemed to really want to kiss, date, or make out with you.

[LailaK]

Out of all the time's she was like this I never ignored her, I laughed with her, hugged her, put my arm around her, maybe I should have taken initiative some times but I was responsive. The only thing I didn't do was try to make out with her like all the drooling drunks tried.

I have some things in common with this gir,l I think, so let me try and show you the situation from her point of view.

I'm currently very interested in this guy, but past experience has taught me that if you come out and tell a guy "I like you!" he'll either A) get scared and back off, or B) start behaving as if he's "got" you and he doesn't have to try for you anymore. (Maybe your girl has had the same experience?)

Anywho... I hang out with the guy I like, we laugh, we have a good time. I'm constantly opening doors for him, making it easy for him to make a move and he is consistently NOT WALKING THROUGH THEM. I put myself out there over and over again and he continues to treat me like a friend. At this point I'm fed up and I've moved on to other guys. I don't have the patience for his pussy-footing. He either likes me or he doesn't and I'm frustrated because he won't be clear with which one it is.

So what's my point? Maybe your girl feels the same way I do. If my guy would just man up and tell me that he wants me and no one else I would be his in a millisecond. But he hasn't, so I won't.

If you don't tell her how you feel or make a move, she'll assume you don't like her.

[ZiggyZ]

Yes, I have learned all this from just this night, I saw how did that guy did it and really the only thought that wen't into my head is "I've had so much opportunities to do this..."
But is it really too late to try to save things? I want her to know that my feelings were always there for her and that I'd like to be more then friends, but how should I put this? At the moment I really have to "make her" talk to me, It's ask, awnser, ask awnser. Should I bluntly tell her my feelings out of the blue or what? :S

[LailaK]

Well... if you don't tell her how you feel you'll never know how she would've reacted.

To put it another way, against my better judgment I STILL hold out hope that my guy will tell me he likes me It's probably not too late.

[Emesis]

I'm currently very interested in this guy, but past experience has taught me that if you come out and tell a guy "I like you!" he'll either A) get scared and back off, or B) start behaving as if he's "got" you and he doesn't have to try for you anymore. (Maybe your girl has had the same experience?)

How is this any different for guys? Should we stop approaching girls because you might perceive us as creeps or act like you "got" us? If you expect the man to make the first move as in tradition, then I expect you to cook me dinner like a traditional woman. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Anywho... I hang out with the guy I like, we laugh, we have a good time. I'm constantly opening doors for him, making it easy for him to make a move and he is consistently NOT WALKING THROUGH THEM. I put myself out there over and over again and he continues to treat me like a friend. At this point I'm fed up and I've moved on to other guys. I don't have the patience for his pussy-footing. He either likes me or he doesn't and I'm frustrated because he won't be clear with which one it is.

Or you could stop blaming the guy for your problems. He probably wasn't interested in your mind games and went for another girl who is more confident and mature than you.

[Emesis]

ZiggyZ, walk away from this girl and chalk up your experience to a lesson learned. If you keep pursuing her, then be prepared to learn another life lesson.

[LailaK]

How is this any different for guys? Should we stop approaching girls because you might perceive us as creeps or act like you "got" us? If you expect the man to make the first move as in tradition, then I expect you to cook me dinner like a traditional woman. You can't have your cake and eat it too.



Or you could stop blaming the guy for your problems. He probably wasn't interested in your mind games and went for another girl who is more confident and mature than you.

WHOA! You don't know me. Please stop attacking me.

I want a guy who acts like a guy and goes after what he wants. It's a major turn-on. It's what I like. It just so happens that I enjoy cooking dinner, cleaning, and acting all around "traditional" for my man so you can shut you face.

As for mind games, you don't know what I have or haven't done to show this guy I like him. To do any more would make me pathetic, chasing after someone who may not want me. That's not me. IMO, guys are too effing scared of women these days. Women like men who are confident, so damnit PLAY YOUR ROLE.

The. End.

[LailaK]

ZiggyZ, walk away from this girl and chalk up your experience to a lesson learned. If you keep pursuing her, then be prepared to learn another life lesson.

Ziggy, go ahead and take his advice if you're scared. There's nothing wrong with that. But you'll never know if being brave and owning up to how you feel would have gotten you the girl.

[Emesis]

WHOA! You don't know me. Please stop attacking me.

I want a guy who acts like a guy and goes after what he wants. It's a major turn-on. It's what I like. It just so happens that I enjoy cooking dinner, cleaning, and acting all around "traditional" for my man so you can shut you face.

As for mind games, you don't know what I have or haven't done to show this guy I like him. To do any more would make me pathetic, chasing after someone who may not want me. That's not me. IMO, guys are too effing scared of women these days. Women like men who are confident, so damnit PLAY YOUR ROLE.

Ah yes, the cliche 'you don't know me' response. All we're missing now is a large black woman in the background to snap her fingers. Rather than get defensive at the opinion of others based on the limited information YOU provided, why don't you tell us more about all the moves you put on this guy?