I'm lost

[marlasinger]

I have this friend who has known this guy for 3 years. They are intimate and they spend time together as if they were dating. But they don't go out to movies or to dinner or really many public places. And the guy won't let them become boyfriend and girlfriend because he thinks she likes him more than he likes her.
And she does his laundry, cleans his house, makes him dinner, brings him lunch, and is pretty much at his beck and call when it comes to sex. Sometimes she'll hang out with me instead of him but rarely. It's tough for me to do something because sometimes she's really happy and things are good but sometimes he'll make her leave his house because his friends are coming over and she won't have anywhere to go so she'll come to my house. She tells me she loves him but I used to work with this guy when all of this started and he said he could never see himself dating her. Really, I know he's using her for all of this stuff but how can I make her see that there are better men out there who will do her laundry and cook her dinner?
Please give any advice you can!

[Mish]

It sounds like a one sided relationship, but how can you make her see? That's a tough one. She must be getting something out of this relationship otherwise she wouldn't be with him. Some needs which are being met on some level. You can taker her through a list of things, that she is being used and taken advantage of, that there is a lack of reciprication in the relationship and she is becoming a recluse, but ultimately it is her decision.

You have to accept that some people are just masochistic by nature.

[Gigabitch]

You can't help this sick, sad person. She's firmly nailed to the cross. Let her hang there.

[IndiReloaded]

You can try dating a buddy of his who thinks the same. Make a direct comparison b/t the guys. Let her see all the crap you deal with (complain loudly & frequently) and then dump his ass a couple months into it.

Inspire her.

[marlasinger]

thanks guys. maybe i will just sit back for once and realize i'm in no position to try and change her love for this man

[gartlas]

no no no!.this girl is your friend right?its your duty to at least try and help her.this guy sounds like an asshole but its better to try and fail than to never try at all.

[Tedel]

no no no!.this girl is your friend right?its your duty to at least try and help her.this guy sounds like an asshole but its better to try and fail than to never try at all.

I agree. Without becoming her babysitter or stepmother tell her what you are thinking about this situation. If she's smart enough, she will at least listen to you.

If she doesn't, try again a week later. If she still doesn't follow Giga's advice. It's not of your business anymore.

[Zenmarke]

Hmm for me... I will value her.. because shes my friend... though i dont have the right to dictate her because you know that shes happy with what she is doing.. For me.. what will i do is just let her do what she wants until the time comes, that she will be noticing on what kind of guy, she's dealing with... and when that time come.. support her as your friend... (as for me)

[vashti]

I agree with giga. you can't help someone who is unwilling to be helped. If it becomes too painful to watch, reduce the amount of time you spend with her, or she will suck the life out of you.