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Thread: Relationship help

  1. #1
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    Relationship help

    I have a really amazing friend (let's call her Allison). She's a year younger than me and we have been really close friends ever since we went to daycare together when we were 2 and 3 years old. Since then i've moved away a lot, to different cities and different countries. We've always kept in contact, first by mail, then by email, then later by MSN. Now me and my family have moved back and we have become close friends again.
    About her: She's the most beautiful girl i've ever seen on this planet... not just physically but mentally. She has the world's best personality and attitude. She's always happy, always positive, innocent (doesn't smoke, doesn't drink heavily, doesn't screw around with random people) and she's always helped me whenever i was feeling down. Every time i see her beautiful light green eyes, her naturally light blonde hair, and her inspiring smile, i litterally melt inside. I can't help it! The problem is, i really truely love this girl (i don't mean love as in, i'm a 15 year old teenager and i love my 2-week old girlfriend, but true love). She's been the best friend i've ever had, and has helped me loads even through all the tough times i've had living in another country. We see eachother atleast 2 or 3 times a week... she always gives me the biggest hug whenever we say hello or goodbye. She is the perfect girl in my eyes. Perfect in every possible way.
    The problem is.. she has a boyfriend. Not just any boyfriend... but... a perfect boyfriend! I just met him today for the first time... he's a couple of years older than her, very well built and very good looking, he's very nice and talkative which she really likes (i'm very quiet and horribly shy, especially around her). He's also smart, and treats her extremely well. He doesn't even get the slightest bit jealous that she hangs out (even alone) with other guys. He's trustworthy and in general just a really great guy.. (i know im sounding gay right now, im not, i just tell it like i see it). Me, i'm not a good looking guy (even though she says i am.. i just think she says it to be nice), not very well built, and like mentioned i'm very shy and quiet.
    I don't know what the hell to do... i'm really happy for her that she found someone as great as him... but on the selfish side, i'm really friggen depressed! I know a lot of people have "temporary" boyfriends (these 2 have been dating for 6 months now), especially at our young age, but these 2 just seem like the perfect couple. i can't imagine them ever splitting up... She doesn't know how i feel about her.. I don't want to sacrifice the amazing friendship we've had for so long (some years ago, i told another close friend of mine that i liked her, more than a friend, and because she didnt like me in the same way, it made her very uncomfertable and we havent really been friends since. I don't want the same to happen again.)
    One of my other close friends (a guy) told me to just tell her how i feel... if she does become uncomfertable and stops talking to me (like the other girl), then it was never meant to be, and i should move on... I personally don't agree with this. I'd rather have her as a friend than have her as nothing. And there's also that tiny selfish part of me that hopes they will break up (and then the other nonselfish part of me that hopes she ends up happy, no matter what guy she is with).
    What the f**k do i do????????

  2. #2
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    It doesn't have to be so black and white. Waiting for her to break up with him would be silly, but there's no reason to torture yourself. Stay friends and date casually with others (I think you need the practice). Maybe an opportunity will present itself later.

    Timing is important, obviously. Right now is not the time to confess your feelings for her- and why would you do that anyway? What is she supposed to do with that? You would put her in an impossible position.

    The guy who told you to do that is either crazy or mean.

  3. #3
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    Know what I love?

    These guys talk about these girls as if they're currently going out with them.

    And then it's like BAM! "There's one problem, they don't know I think any of this about them".

    Just cracks me up man.

  4. #4
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frasbee
    Know what I love?

    These guys talk about these girls as if they're currently going out with them.

    And then it's like BAM! "There's one problem, they don't know I think any of this about them".

    Just cracks me up man.
    Heh... i was JUST about to say something very close to that...

    Buddy, listen. It sucks and I'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you; sure, she is the perfect girl and the most beautiful one and smart and only drinks a little and only has sex with some guys (once she knows them of course which makes it ok in your eyes because she's on your little pedestal) but back to the point... Noone is perfect. You are disillusioning yourself from reality here, and unjustly putting tons of pressure on her to be a goddess. Be careful of that; she is a girl like any other.

    You said you have never dated and gotten intimate (mentally and emotionally, maybe physically) but you made the little pep talk about "im not 15, this is truely (spelled truly) love"? Um... where does everyone get off saying this, honestly? It is NOT love; it is extreme, bastardized, blown-out-of-proportion affection and attraction and puppy love so to speak. There is sooooo much you don't know about her, and you can't find out becuase you have her on your pedestal of perfection...

    I don't know how to "remedy" this situaion... until you can accept she will never be with you (which I doubt is possible for you to do) then... hmmm... I understand you value her as a friend, but being that close to her and her BOYFRIEND AAAAAAAHHHHHH will hurt you if you have these feeligns for her. So, find another one. They can all be perfect and beautiful and what not, so just be with someone who can reciprocate those feelings. Not that she is a bad person for not giving your feelings back; she has a BOYFRIEND AAAAAAHHHHHH; just that you are the one making this awkward for yourself. Do whatever you need to to get your mind off of her; and please for God's sake, do not be one of those idiots that waits around like a dingleberry for her to break up with her boyfriend... that is immature and you are completely missing everything in the picture Good luck, and just keep away from her BOYFRIEND AAAAAAAHHHHHH

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