Dumped by Girlfriend

[rallye]

Ill try and be as brief as possible.

My girlfriend finished with me four weeks ago after going out for 6 months, it was her who chased me in the beginning, asked me out etc.. and her reasons for finishing were that the relationship had gone boring. This was so true, she was my first real girlfriend and i had no idea how to treat one, didnt bring her out to meals etc..

I did the usual stuff like ask her for another go etc... but she said no its over. I then tried the "no contact" and after three days she contacted me.

She just asked "how i was" etc by text message, we exchanged about 8 messages and then i finished the conversation by saying "goodnight as i was going to bed"

I continued the no contact and on the following Saturday night at 10pm she sent me another message asking "if i wouldnt mind coming out to her house some day the next week to install software on her computer".

I wanted to give her the impression that i was out drinking so i did not reply untill the next day (sunday) i said "yeah no problem i will if im around" and she replied "thanks"

Then on Sunday night i got another text message asking "what i was up to" i was about to start a weights session so i asked her "whats up" she said she "was bored" so i said "id text her after training if i wasnt wrecked", she said "it doesnt matter" i replied two hours later asking if she was still bored and she replied "nope" so i replied "cool, chat to you later then"

On the Monday i asked her "if she was around and fancied joining me for a walk", she was in another city for college work so said "i cant im in college sorry " , i rang her then just for a friendly chat and after about 7 minutes talking i ended the conversation. She text me back a couple of hours later saying she would meet me the following day.

So i went out to her house because she wanted me to install software on her comp. So we were watching tv in her bedroom and she started getting very touchy touchy, rubbing my chest inside my tshirt etc... so i started to do the same to her and she allowed me but then she said "no kissing now because we are just friends" i was now very confused... i left about 20 min later, she txt me the next day twice, i was busy so didnt reply, the following day another txt msg, i replied and said i was busy again so couldnt talk.. every day since she had being initiating contact with me by text message..

On the following Monday she txt me again at 11pm, i said whats up, and she said nothing, "i was just thinking of you so i said id txt you" i replied "why you thinkin about me" She said "you were just in my head" a few more messages were exchanged, i asked her why she was flirting with me in her bedroom, she denied it and said "we didnt kiss, i was tempted to but i didnt" in the end i said "look we have just broken up, i think head space is best for both of us" she got thick, said the reason she was texting me "was because she knew i wouldnt text her and she wanted us too remain friends" she then said i had turned into a "prick" and in the end said "ok i wont text you again then"

There was no contact from either of us then for the next week but she did send me a happy christmas message on christmas day.

Last night was the first night i met her since asking for head space, it was very awkward and i ignored her on a couple of occasions, my mates said she kept looking over at me the whole night and she was standing behind me in the club for most of the night, we had a phone call after the club (drunken one by me), she asked why i had met a certain girl and how she could have pulled a bloke, she said i was mean to her etc...

I text her this morning to ask to meet up for a chat, she said she was working so i asked about after work, she said she would see, a few hours later she text saying she would be busy, i asked about tomorrow and she said she didnt know. She wanted to know why i wanted to meet up so i basically came out with, told her i still have strong feelings and i cant be friends with her because of this, she said "oh i dunno" i said well im glad i told you how i feel, her response was "looking nothing is gonna happen between us" i left it at that.

Man that was some rant but i do think she still cares for me but then again i dont know, confused...

Im crazy about the girl though and my head is in bits. Ive decided to not contact her again anyway.

I just feel she was trying to make me work at getting her back and i was getting lots of mixed signals.

[Junket]

Fúck her dude, she's just being a manipulative bitch.

[Gigabitch]

It sounds like you're still kind of dating, actually.

Do you want to move on? Then be firm. No messages. No calls. If you see her in a club, leave and don't tell her where you're going.

She can install her own damned software. Jeeze, what a transparent excuse for getting your ex to come over....

[TheSphinx]

I'm of the same opinion. There's little sense in messing with someone who is so back-and-forth. Drop contact and move on.

~Sphinx

[rallye]

Yeah ye are right, its time to move on.

[rallye]

This has become very tough for me, i cant stop thinking about her, and the thoughts of some other lad being with her are killing me inside.

We were attracted each other very physically, we are both good looking people and she often said to her friends that i was the best looking guy in town (this was before i even went out with her) just goes to show that women are attracted more to how a man reacts.

Do women always act jealous after a breakup even if they are the ones who breakup ?

[vashti]

Yes. A child won't play with a toy for months, but as soon as his friend picks it up, it is their "favorite". She is looking for affirmation that she still could have you.

I want to congratulate you for acting in your own best interests and cutting off contact with her. You'd be shocked at how many people torture themselves by dragging out the whole "friends" charade.

[rallye]

Well the latest is im just after getting a text message from her saying "what is the story with you", im obviously not gonna reply..

[rallye]

Well the sh*t has hit the fan !!

A comment was left on my facebook from another girl saying it was best that i broke up with the girlfriend and the whole situation sounded immature.

The ex saw and went ape, she just texted me and wouldnt talk on the phone, basically called me a liar, and said i was full of sh*t and that she was soo over me and had moved on.

I honestly dont know why she thinks she has the right to talk to me like this, we were broken up and i have met other girls, this should not concern her.

Anyway she said i was deleted and that she wanted me to delete her number, guess i wont be hearing from her again !!

[Gigabitch]

Who cares? She's a nut. A brat. Case closed.

[Junket]

Don't delete her number.

I'd wanna know if a whack job was trying to call me in the middle of a date.

[bohemiandonut]

She'll be back.

[GrkScorp]

I say.. if you really want to get back at her.. there's only one way..

Destroy her ego from within..

To do that.. you have to be indirect, and come off as genuine.. as if you're not TRYING to destroy it..

Stuff you can tell her.. (try to feel sorry for her as you're telling her all this)

You: Listen, there's no easy way for me to tell you this.. but i'm sorry.. i'm really sorry for just being lazy with us, and just letting things go.. and I just want you to know.. it's not you! It's not your fault.. I just found someone else.. and no.. we didn't do anything while me and you were together.. but I simply realized that you weren't the right person for me.. she was.. and i'm not one to cheat.. so instead of cheating.. I just want to be adults about this.. end things like normal people.. and move on..

(What you're conveying: I feel pity for you, so i don't want you to feel lower than what you feel right now, because i'd feel like crap if I were you, but basically, I found someone better than you.. and, I haven't cheated on you, so you don't even have reason to be angry at me.. plus, i'm not upset about you leaving, I could care less.. your loss.. by the way.. did I mention that i've found someone else? oh what's that? you're single and lonely? sucks to be you, oh well)

But the secret is that it comes out as genuine.. She's going to obviously be pissed.. and bombard you with tons of questions.. "Who is she? Why her? What was wrong with me? Why didn't you tell me all this time?" How do you deal with each question to maximize emotional trauma?

Her: Who is she?
You: What do you care? Why does it even matter, it doesn't matter, so just stop asking, it's really not important.. it's not going to work, I just don't want you to get any more hurt than what you are.. I don't think it's the right time to be talking about her.. she's a really amazing person.. and you'll get to meet her one day, just not now.. not while you're angry and upset like this..

Her: Why her?
You: Look, can we not talk about her.. The issue here isn't her.. I just found someone I felt something for.. we clicked.. she had everything I ever wanted in a person.. stuff I never saw in you.. but I still cared about you.. so I told her and let her know that i'm not about to cheat.. that nothing was going to happen until me and you were officially over.. (ahh! this is like torture!.. lol)

Her: What was wrong with me? (when she asks you this.. he's feeling like an empty void.. waiting for you to throw her words of comfort and compliments her way.. little does she know that you're only going to feed her meaningless crumbs)
You: Look, nothing was wrong with you.. you're a good person.. you're a really nice person.. I told you, it's not your fault.. (notice how that's ALL you could say about her that's positive? that's an insult unto itself.. lol)

Her: Why didn't you tell me all this time?
You: I just didn't want you to get hurt.. plus, it's not stuff about you that you could change, so there was no point in telling you, that would just be cruel.. that would only act to hurt your feelings.. and I didn't want to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad about yourself.. (as to imply that there's plenty she should feel bad about)..

NOTE: For major piss-off and ego-shattering.. "you have to meet her one day.. you're going to love her.. she's such an amazing person.. it'll just be us, she hates it when other guys come.. she gets hit on all the time and it annoys the hell out of her when guys hit on her.." (implying that she's HOT.. watch your ex's insecurities eat her up alive)

It this a bad, evil, and cruel thing to do to someone? Yeah.. i'm not going to lie.. it is.. but she's been manipulating you.. so why not expose her weakness? (her insecurity) and give her one subtle yet hard smack to the ego? She deserves it.. afterall, that's what she did to you.. and she feels great! think about it!

[Mathias]

I say.. if you really want to get back at her.. there's only one way..

Destroy her ego from within..

To do that.. you have to be indirect, and come off as genuine.. as if you're not TRYING to destroy it..

Stuff you can tell her.. (try to feel sorry for her as you're telling her all this)

You: Listen, there's no easy way for me to tell you this.. but i'm sorry.. i'm really sorry for just being lazy with us, and just letting things go.. and I just want you to know.. it's not you! It's not your fault.. I just found someone else.. and no.. we didn't do anything while me and you were together.. but I simply realized that you weren't the right person for me.. she was.. and i'm not one to cheat.. so instead of cheating.. I just want to be adults about this.. end things like normal people.. and move on..

(What you're conveying: I feel pity for you, so i don't want you to feel lower than what you feel right now, because i'd feel like crap if I were you, but basically, I found someone better than you.. and, I haven't cheated on you, so you don't even have reason to be angry at me.. plus, i'm not upset about you leaving, I could care less.. your loss.. by the way.. did I mention that i've found someone else? oh what's that? you're single and lonely? sucks to be you, oh well)

But the secret is that it comes out as genuine.. She's going to obviously be pissed.. and bombard you with tons of questions.. "Who is she? Why her? What was wrong with me? Why didn't you tell me all this time?" How do you deal with each question to maximize emotional trauma?

Her: Who is she?
You: What do you care? Why does it even matter, it doesn't matter, so just stop asking, it's really not important.. it's not going to work, I just don't want you to get any more hurt than what you are.. I don't think it's the right time to be talking about her.. she's a really amazing person.. and you'll get to meet her one day, just not now.. not while you're angry and upset like this..

Her: Why her?
You: Look, can we not talk about her.. The issue here isn't her.. I just found someone I felt something for.. we clicked.. she had everything I ever wanted in a person.. stuff I never saw in you.. but I still cared about you.. so I told her and let her know that i'm not about to cheat.. that nothing was going to happen until me and you were officially over.. (ahh! this is like torture!.. lol)

Her: What was wrong with me? (when she asks you this.. he's feeling like an empty void.. waiting for you to throw her words of comfort and compliments her way.. little does she know that you're only going to feed her meaningless crumbs)
You: Look, nothing was wrong with you.. you're a good person.. you're a really nice person.. I told you, it's not your fault.. (notice how that's ALL you could say about her that's positive? that's an insult unto itself.. lol)

Her: Why didn't you tell me all this time?
You: I just didn't want you to get hurt.. plus, it's not stuff about you that you could change, so there was no point in telling you, that would just be cruel.. that would only act to hurt your feelings.. and I didn't want to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad about yourself.. (as to imply that there's plenty she should feel bad about)..

NOTE: For major piss-off and ego-shattering.. "you have to meet her one day.. you're going to love her.. she's such an amazing person.. it'll just be us, she hates it when other guys come.. she gets hit on all the time and it annoys the hell out of her when guys hit on her.." (implying that she's HOT.. watch your ex's insecurities eat her up alive)

It this a bad, evil, and cruel thing to do to someone? Yeah.. i'm not going to lie.. it is.. but she's been manipulating you.. so why not expose her weakness? (her insecurity) and give her one subtle yet hard smack to the ego? She deserves it.. afterall, that's what she did to you.. and she feels great! think about it!

I never actually read your posts because they're too long, but when you're writing a novel, please stop giving bad advice.

The goal isn't to hurt the girl, it's to help yourself. No contact is the only way to do that well. You do this, you not only contact her and let her bother you some more, you come across as petty, immature, and sleazy, and ruining any chance of taking the high road.