In love with friend and not sure what to do

[bobbydigi]

I have been in love with my friend for about 2 years now and I am not sure what exactly I should do. I have known her for about 4 years during which we have been good friends and we have become a lot closer lately. She currently has a boyfriend of a couple years and before him I know we almost had sex a couple times. She said she is trying to break up with him but she is finding it hard because he really hasn't done anything wrong but she feels he isnt the right person for her. She called him a week ago and tried to break it off but i guess he ended up talking her out of it.

About a month or two ago I told her I had feelings for her one night but I didn't want to come in between her and her bf. She paused for about 5 seconds when i told her i knew she didn't think about me like that and said she thought i was a really good friend. I am not sure if i completely believe her on her response because of some of the things she does and has done in the past. Things such as holding my hand in the bar sometimes, sleeping in the same bed, talking constantly, getting close sometimes, and having resentment for anyone i have had sex with or trying to convince me to not have sex with people.

There was no awkwardness after me telling her and we still talk just about everyday even though she lives 2 hours away and remain great friends. When I told her i had feelings for her (i never admitted i was in love with her) it couldnt have come as a huge shock due to the fact that i told her friend about 3 months prior and her friend had told me she told her.

I thought it would make things easier by telling her and getting it over with but in fact it has actually made things worse. I thought i would be able to get over her after telling her but i have realized that my feelings are too strong to ever be over her with her in my life. I think about her constantly and can't get her out of my mind. I don't think i would wait around for her if the opportunity arose for me to be with someone else i truely liked but now i think it would be harder as i would most likely compare the new girl to my friend.

I am at a loss of what i should do about this. I have been thinking lately of telling her that i can't continue the friendship due to my feelings for her but I am not entirely sure if i can/should do it due to the fact i am such good friends with her and shes such a major part of my life. There is also the fact that she may break up with her bf soon and who knows what could happen then. On the other hand i am scarred to see her single as seeing her with someone new or even knowing about it would make me feel like * * * * . I also have suspicions that she might even have cheated on her bf at least once but i can't be positive about that.

I would appreciate any advice anyone has for me.

[lizzy_09]

I don't think i would wait around for her if the opportunity arose for me to be with someone else i truely liked but now i think it would be harder as i would most likely compare the new girl to my friend.

Then don't. Heal your heart first before you try to get involve with someone new or as you know the consequences, you'll be comparing every women you had an interest with her.

She called him a week ago and tried to break it off but i guess he ended up talking her out of it.

As you've noticed here, she has already made that decision for you by staying on with her BF. So, what are you? Her reserved in case it doesn't work out with her BF?

I am at a loss of what i should do about this. I have been thinking lately of telling her that i can't continue the friendship due to my feelings for her but I am not entirely sure if i can/should do it due to the fact i am such good friends with her and shes such a major part of my life.

Tell her it would be best if you'd go on NC for a while cause you need time to pull yourself together and find focus on your life. Don't do it for her, do it for you. Friends have one thing in common. BOTH PULLS YOU: A true friend pulls you up, false friends pull you down. This way you'd be able to test her friendship. If she's self-centered, then she'd be doing it for herself, she'll not let you go but she wouldn't let go of her BF either.

There is also the fact that she may break up with her bf soon and who knows what could happen then.

The question is when? HEAL YOUR HEART FIRST.

On the other hand i am scarred to see her single as seeing her with someone new or even knowing about it would make me feel like * * * * .

Then don't rush up getting involved with someone new. HEAL YOUR HEART FIRST or you'll be blinded by your emotions for her.

I also have suspicions that she might even have cheated on her bf at least once but i can't be positive about that.

Why would you assume that? Has anything happened to either of you while she's involved with him? Dude, if she does that to her BF, she can do that to you as well.

[bobbydigi]

thanks for the advice.

well i liked her for a long time as i said and had a gf which kept my mind completely off her and i think if i had another one it would do the same thing although i would always have feelings for her. i am next to positive she would respect any decision i made about NC i just really have to do it. I am not sure if I am her reserve I guess I never thought of it that way, but I know she doesn't really like her BF that much she just likes having him around even though he never really is. She obviously has feelings for him but she wants someone better, I am not saying that person is me because I don't know but right around the time she found out I had feelings for her is about the time she starting talking about breaking up with him which could be a coincidence. I have never really done anything with her because at the time I couldn't.

We first became friends when she was dating one of my good friends and we became good friends after they broke up. I never did anything out of respect for my friend but for a good couple months she was trying to have sex with me. She hooked me up with her roommate who I never really was in a relationship with but I could tell she regreted it and at the time was still trying to have sex with me. Enough time has passed that me and her doing anything would have no effect on my friend she dated but I think I am too late. Like I have said I just have suspicions that she might have cheated I don't know for sure and think I am most likely wrong on that part. She has never cheated on any of her bf's before but I am suspicious because things are so bad between her and her bf and I know she has the opportunity to do so.

Everything about the situation is complicated, she even asked me to move in with her and live on her couch if i need a place to stay which is something I could never do because of my feelings for her. She is absolutely horrible with decisions and maybe she is trying to decide on whether she would want to be with me or her bf but isnt really sure yet so she is sticking with her bf for the time being. I know for a fact she doesn't treat any other guy friend like she does me or even most of her girlfriends and really doesn't even keep any other guy friends even though others try to be friends with her.

I will however take all the advice you have given me. If nothing else I would still like to be her friend I just think that involves me distancing myself from her a bit but I never want to give up all hope and ruin what could be a very meaningful relationship. I don't plan on bringing the situation up again about my feelings with her and I am not going to count on her liking me but I don't think it would be crazy if she did or developed feelings for me. maybe she just needs to see how things are without me in her life.

[jidekanluv]

Made up your mind on what you want and that is what you will have.

[lizzy_09]

I know she doesn't really like her BF that much she just likes having him around even though he never really is. She obviously has feelings for him but she wants someone better,

Just because she likes him doesn't make a valid excuse to stick around with him. I mean the guy doesn't even have the time to nurture their relationship and make it grow. So, what's the point? Yes, she wants someone better, then why hang around with that guy while waiting for Mr. Right? What is he, her reserve as well? (I seem to have a liking for this word. Sorry about that)

right around the time she found out I had feelings for her is about the time she starting talking about breaking up with him which could be a coincidence.

Any updates on where you stand in her life?

I never did anything out of respect for my friend but for a good couple months she was trying to have sex with me.

Was your friend and her already broke off during the time that she made a pass on you?

She hooked me up with her roommate who I never really was in a relationship with but I could tell she regreted it and at the time was still trying to have sex with me.

How about during this time? was she still involved with your friend?

Like I have said I just have suspicions that she might have cheated I don't know for sure and think I am most likely wrong on that part. She has never cheated on any of her bf's before but I am suspicious because things are so bad between her and her bf and I know she has the opportunity to do so.

Well, she did make a pass on you before, so you have your reasons to doubt her with the manner she deals with relationship problems.

Everything about the situation is complicated, she even asked me to move in with her and live on her couch if i need a place to stay which is something I could never do because of my feelings for her.

Your absolutely right in not taking this bait.

I never want to give up all hope and ruin what could be a very meaningful relationship. I don't plan on bringing the situation up again about my feelings with her and I am not going to count on her liking me but I don't think it would be crazy if she did or developed feelings for me. maybe she just needs to see how things are without me in her life.

I quiet agree. Maybe this distance will make her realize how much she loves you. Absence they say makes the heart go fonder. Good luck!

[bobbydigi]

well i basically got drunk last night and told her what the deal was. I told her I am having a hard time separating her just as a friend and that i needed time off from her and explained things a bit. it wasn't a do you have feelings for me speech it was more of i need to take time of from you and distance myself. one thing to note is that she didn't say she had feelings for me when i was saying it even though i never asked her but still maybe thats some indication. not entirely sure it was the way to go but i wanted to make sure she understood how hard it has become. She did try to stop me from not talking to her for awhile and her status says she was sleepless last night after i told her but i think its because she was overwhelmed with what i said. she never made passes on me while they were together but they were right after they broke up. the same thing with her roommate but it was after most of her passes but i think she made a couple after that as well.

It also looks like she might have skipped work today because she should be up by now but she could just be ignoring my txts. I just txted her saying i was sorry about last night and hope i didnt creep her out too much. I still think I am going to stick to my plan of not really talking to her much anymore.

[Raze]

Yeah, I wouldn't talk to her too much. Let her talk to you. If she has something to say, she will say it.

[bobbydigi]

yeah thats kinda what i want to do. thanks for the advice everyone i appreciate it