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Thread: feel like the world doesn't want this relationship to work

  1. #1
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    Jul 2013
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    feel like the world doesn't want this relationship to work

    Ok, so first up sorry for the length.
    A little background: I am a male in my late 20s, 2 years ago I split with my girlfriend of 6 years. I had been suffering with severe depression and this eventually took its toll and I ended up making a horrendous mess of the relationship. I spent the next 6 months or so trying to get my life back on track with counseling and the like. I now feel much better, have turned my life around, have gone back to study, am getting good grades and things have really been looking up. I am due to graduate in September.
    The one thing missing has been a girl in my life. Some of that has been due to reluctance on my part due to the horrendous mess I made of the last relationship, and some has been due to not finding anyone suitable.
    That changed recently and I started seeing a girl I am really starting to like. Here's where the problem comes though: we have been seeing each other for about 2 months (one month properly and one month sporadically due to exam commitments on both our parts but still talking a lot). Now she is going away for a week and then is back for 2 days before going on holiday for 4 weeks. By the time she comes back (I doubt I will see her between trips) I will have more or less finished my course and I have no idea whether we will still be living in the same city come September.
    I am finding myself getting really down and cursing the timing. It is too early in the relationship to turn down any good opportunities that may present themselves for the sake of staying near her, similarly it's too early for me to ask her to move with me and finally it also seems too early on that a long distance relationship might be viable.
    I just don't know what to do. I find myself obsessing over her, I am distracted from my uni work (I am trying to write my dissertation) and am starting to feel really anxious over everything. I have been acting as if everything is normal with her and am scared that if I talk to her about this I would scare her off as I'm sure this reaction is not normal. I haven't known her that long after all and I'm sure obsessing over someone to the point where my uni work is suffering is not in any way healthy. I can't help thinking that everything is against me and am struggling to see positives (the depression is not fully gone, but it is certainly more under control and I am recognizing the signs). It has taken me so long to firstly trsut myself with a relationship, and secondly actually meet someone nice after my ex and when I finally do it feels like it is all falling apart from things beyond my control. I see a lot of potential in the relationship and really want to make it work.
    The thing I am finding difficult is maintaining focus and concentration. It took me so long to get myself "back on the horse" relationship wise (if you'll excuse the metaphor!) and now when I finally have, this seems like a kick in the teeth. I can't stop going over it in my head and wondering how things will work out, and as a result I'm not concentrating on the things I'm meant to be (dissertation for example). I am just finding it a little difficult to cope. I wish I could go with the whole "plenty more fish in the sea" philosophy, but I feel like I've finally met someone who has potential and the world doesn't want me to be with her or even want me to know how it would have panned out given a chance!
    Does anyone have any good advice or experience that might reassure me?
    Thanks in advance

  2. #2
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    I had something somewhat like that almost happen with my guy. I had been seeing him a month, and he was the first one I really liked in years. What almost happened to me is I got into a little trouble and there was a good chance for a bit there that I was going to go to jail for a few months. What I did with him was just make a joke out of it so the conversation wasn't so awkward. I said "Assuming your still available when I get out, and I dont become a hardcore lesbian, you wanna pick back up where we left off?" In these kind of cases where everything is so new I feel like kidding around is a way to put your feeling out there without it being to intense and scaring off that other person.

  3. #3
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    Thanks for the reply. That is good advice. Maybe I will try that as a way to talk to her about it.
    I just wish I wasn't so caught up on it and could just go with the flow and get on with the things I need to do and see where we are when she comes back. After all I may get a good opportunity here and still be here when she is back or it may be that long distance would work, who knows? It's not as if I don't have enough distractions to keep me busy in the mean time I'm just not managing to focus on them! My mind just doesn't seem to want to work logically at the moment.

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