I have an issue with one of my fiance's best friends (who is a girl) and I can't decide if I should discuss it with him or not. I would appreciate any advice or insights that you have to share about it. The explanation is long so bear with me, and thank you for taking the time to read it.
He met this girl at the beginning of our freshman year of college (let's call her Ashley just to make the explanation simpler). They both became friends with another girl (I'll refer to her as Diana). The three of them are best friends to this day. My fiance and Ashley had a little chemistry. They never acted on their feelings for a couple of reasons. The only important one to know is that he met me and we became good friends, he quickly changed his mind about Ashley, and we started dating when we were sophomores. Both Ashley and Diana were unable to come back to school because of financial reasons, so they were not around much.
My fiance mentioned to me in the beginning of our relationship that he thought about dating Ashley before he met me. I didn't care because he had chosen me, so why get jealous? She wasn't even at school anymore so there wasn't much to worry about. She does live an hour away from campus so they could still hang out, but I did not feel bothered by it. Whenever she made plans with him, she invited me. She would try to get to know me a little bit, but always focused a lot more on my fiance. They're best friends though, so not completely weird, right? Well I have always suspected that she still has more then friendly feelings for him because:
1. She likes to write fantasy/si-fi stories. Many of them have a male and female character based on her and my fiance. There is always either a romantic relationship between them or a very deep friendship connection.
2. When we are together, she mostly talks about all of the things she did with him when she was still at school. If my fiance and I tell her about some adventure we had, she looks annoyed and starts talking about "the good days" when she was in school, before I was in the picture. Then she moves on to topics that she has in common with him that I don't (like video games).
3. Body language. She usually sits next to him instead of letting me sit with him and she leans her body close to him. She has even wrapped her arms around his arm and rested her head on it. What girls do that with a guy she just wants a friendship with? There were times that she was in a good mood but then I snagged a seat next to him and she seemed grumpy after that.
I wasn't concerned about this until two years later. I had moments where I felt bothered by her, but it wasn't a huge issue... until my fiance and I got engaged. Since then, her attitude has changed. She no longer invites me to hang out with them. Whenever my fiance asks if I can come she says "you, Diana, and I need some alone time because we don't see each other much". I doubt Diana cares. She never initiates anything with him. It is always Ashley who calls or texts him just to talk or to set something up. The last couple of times that I was with them, she seemed irritated towards me and did not say much to me. If I put my head on his shoulder, her facial expression got darker.
To sum up, their friendship is starting to make me uncomfortable. I was not going to say anything to my fiance about it, but then he told me something that bothers me a lot. In two weeks they want to come to steal him for a day. I asked if I could come because we have not seen each other much all summer. He said that Ashley wanted it to just be the two of them and Diana for "one last hurrah". When I asked what that means he told me that they think this will be the last time to hang out alone because he is getting married next month. His other friends don't feel like they need a last hurrah with him. I am laid back about him going out with friends so they don't feel worried that he will get married and never leave the house without me again.
Something else that concerns me is that not only is he one of her only friends, he is her only male friend. She hasn't even had a relationship since leaving college (she has had a couple crushes, but nothing that took off). Is it silly for that to bother me?
I trust my fiance's loyalty. It is Ashley that I'm starting to distrust. She is actively seeking out alone time with him. What I need advice on is if I am reading too much into anything and if I should tell him that I am becoming uncomfortable with her. I think I should tell him because this is the kind of thing that can strain a relationship, but I don’t want him to feel like I distrust him. I am getting to the point where it bothers me that they spend time together without me. I don’t want him to cut her out of his life but I do want him to be aware of the situation and be sensitive towards it. Any reasons why I should or shouldn’t say something? Does it seem like I am over reacting about anything?