I need some guidance please

[Drewzie]

Hi folks, I'm new to the forum and I found it so that I can hopefully get some help with a recent break up that I am having to go through. I will give you a little bit of background information. First off I am 20 and my girlfriend is 18, we had been dating for the past 2 and 1/2 years, up untill newyears of this year, that is when we broke up. I am a college student and she is a senior in high school. We are about 40 minutes away from each other so distance is not an issue. The issue is, well she wants to "experience" her senior year of high school and have fun. So she broke up with me, and told me that was her excuse. For all i know our relationship had been going great, we always told ourselves that we were going to be with each other for a long time. But during the 3 weeks of being apart i have been ripping my hairs out over her, i just can't stand it, if i'm not doing something to keep me busy then i've got her on the mind. its really hard for me to keep from picking up the phone and calling, but sometimes i can't hold back and i call but no answer. I just dont know how things in my relationship can take such a 180 degree turn for the worse. Right now for me, moving on isn't an option, i was very pleased with the relationship that i was in, and i know that it takes 2 to tango, but we've made things work before so i just dont know why we can't make them work again. Does anybody have any help for me as to how to get her back or to do anything with this relationship?

Thanks!

[bluesummer]

Well, you hit the nail on the head....'it takes two to tango'. Yes, which means just because YOU want the relationship really bad, you have to realize SHE doesn't. It's the damn thing about breaking up. Usually one party wasn't all for it.

Yes breaking up hurts....it feels like your life is over and you will never meet anyone else that you will love like said person, but eventually you move on. And if you were really meant to be with this girl then it will happen one day, but DON"T FORCE IT. I'm a living testament to the old saying "If you love soemthing set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." It hurts when you didn't expect the relationship to end, but you have to respect what she wants to. Be strong.

[Cybog]

Right now for me, moving on isn't an option, i was very pleased with the relationship that i was in, and i know that it takes 2 to tango, but we've made things work before so i just dont know why we can't make them work again.

If men across the globe would finally realize that when a girl says "No" in a relationship, it means just that - Half the threads on this board would magically disappear. She said that she is finished.

No offense, but when you are dating a 16-18 year old high school girl, did you really expect her maturity level to comprehend a true relationship at that age?

Does anybody have any help for me as to how to get her back or to do anything with this relationship?

It's pretty obvious she doesn't want the relationship to happen anymore. It sucks to say, but you got dumped. You would have a better chance at ripping a phone book in half while drinking a quart of motor oil than you would at "making" this work.

[schueys_girl]

You just need to respect what this girl wants im afraid mate. She told you honestly that she wanted to experience senior year of high school and have some fun. So let her do it. Shes entitled to it, what girl in thier last year of school really wants to be tied down?

She has so much more to experience, and she has to grow on her own to find out who she is. There really isnt anything you can do, just give her what she wants, surely after the time you spent together you can respect and understand her wishes.

Yes breaking up is hard and i really feel for you. But chasing after her and calling her and perstering her wont win her back anyway.

As usual advice: stop calling, find someone else to call when your lonely and cry your heart out to them. Stop any sort of contact and get on with your life. Find stuff you want to do and enjoy it. Maybe when she has had her chance to be free and experience life she will realise she wants you back...or maybe she wont...whatever it is you cant force it because then it wouldnt be love...

[Drewzie]

alright guys, thanks for your help, i guess i'll try hard to keep my distance. i'll let you all know how it goes... thanks again

[cycletease]

Although it seems all consuming right now, you will get through this. You cannot make her want the relationship. She was at least straight forward and honest with you and you need to respect her choice. There are a lot of people who would have strung you along and cheated, etc, she was straight with you and that is the best you can get in a breakup.

Everyone is right, NO CALLS, NO NOTES, NO CONTACT. Let her go. Who knows, in a few years (and I mean years, not weeks) maybe you will hook back up again and things will work out. Until that time don't mess yourself up by obsessing over this. We have all had this happen and it hurt for everyone, but we all got through it.

You are young and she is right, you both need experience. Go out and get some, that is what life is about.

[valueprep]

It certainly looks as if you are not perceiving her as what her age truly is. This, my friend, is the first distinction you should attempt to make in understanding your delimma. There is no doubt under the conditions your relationship was in that you felt a solid connection and that connection is now hard to disconnect. However, you must let this connection go because like one of the last writers said, "did you expect her maturity level to comprehend what a true relationship is?"
This is a very direct ? you must firstly ask yourself. She is young so are you, play the field, don't fall in love with young woman who do not know who they even are yet!
It is easier said than done, but it is seriously good relationship advice.

[schueys_girl]

nothing more left to say mate, you know what you need to do now and were all here for you if you need, keep us posted -x-