Once you are in the relationship, do you still need to play these 'games'?

[demigod]

A lot of people think that the best way to get a girl is to always keep her on her feet. i.e, be the 'jerk,' dont tell her you like her, ignore her once in a while, make her want to come to you, etc etc.

I understand that you dont want to be too nice to her too early, because you risk of being friend-zoned.

Once you are in the relationship, does that change anything? Do you still need to act like the jerk and try to not be too nice?

[Rich]

From a male point of view (mine).
Hell yes you keep playing the game!
But it changes when your actually in the relationship. You dont have to build the attraction anymore, thats already done, you just have to KEEP the attraction.
So now, in my opinion, you have to still make her want you, but do it in a less jerk-ish way. Instead of ignoring her ect, You should be showing that your a high value man and while you are lucky to have found someone you care about and you will look after her, you must also project high value so she knows she is lucky to have such a good man. And you also cant come off as needy lol.

[xxazurexx]

A lot of people think that the best way to get a girl is to always keep her on her feet. i.e, be the 'jerk,' dont tell her you like her, ignore her once in a while, make her want to come to you, etc etc.

LOL....quickest way to lose a girl IMO

I understand that you dont want to be too nice to her too early, because you risk of being friend-zoned.

That is a guy 'myth'. The only way you will end up in the 'friendzone', is if she doesn't find you physically appealing to the eye. It supposedly takes a mere 16 seconds and for us to know whether we are attracted to someone or not. To know whether we see someone as 'potential boyfriend material, or 'friend'. 16 seconds isn't enough length of time, to determine if a guy is a 'nice' guy or not. You could have been doomed to the friendzone within those 16 seconds or sooner.........think about it?
Niceness does not send guys to the 'friendzone'....the fact we don't fancy them, does.

That is the basics of it all anyway.

Once you are in the relationship, does that change anything? Do you still need to act like the jerk and try to not be too nice?

If you want to lose her....then yeah, carry on playing the 'retarded jerk'.

[newyork09]

I understand that you dont want to be too nice to her too early, because you risk of being friend-zoned.

I'm confused about this part? If you're nice to most girls at an early stage, then they won't friend zone you. If they're attracted to you, then this will most likely increase if you are genuinely nice rather than if you are indifferent or standoffish. It's a big mistake to play it TOO cool with a girl, because they will definitely assume you aren't interested. I personally don't respond well to this 'jerk' thing at all; every girl secretly loves to feel wanted.

But as for your question, there should be no need for games within a relationship. It's like Rich said, you've done the part where you build the attraction. You know she's attracted to you, or she wouldn't be in the relationship with you. Similarly, she knows that you are attracted to her, and (hopefully) respect her, because you are also in the relationship. So there shouldn't be any need to use these defence mechanism things. Just try being genuine, and definitely be nice. Girls won't stick around unless their boyfriend is nice, at a minimum.

[IndiReloaded]

Relationships are lost at this point b/c someone loses respect for the other. Do things for your girl b/c you want to, not b/c you think you need to be a jerk. Make sure she reciprocates and all should go well.

Its always about mutual respect, btw. Its just that what ppl consider respect-worthy changes with age and maturity. When young, some girls think being cool and/or a jerk = respect worthy. This changes later.

[bluesummer]

I agree with newyork, there shouldn't be 'games' in a relationship. If that's happening then it's a write off from the start because you aren't being true to yourself or the other person. You're putting on an act and a facade. It's childish.

And again, I agree that no girl will 'friendzone' you simply for being nice. Women, many times, will sum you up in the first 30 seconds. They will decide whether they find you attractive, whether your mannerisms are appealing right from the start. If they don't, they mentally write you off, and there's usually no way of getting back in. If I met a guy and he pulled the jerk thing right on meeting me because he thought that would make me curious about him, he's be dead wrong. He'd become an auto-writeoff, even if he was, in real life, a really nice guy. See what acting like an ass can do for you?

[Cosmo]

There shouldn't be games, but there always are.

Girls are twisted.
Woman aren't.

It's all based on maturity, and this varies by locale. Some girls become 'women' at 18. Here we're talking late 20's and early 30's when they realize they're about to be that crazy old cougar at the bar if they don't grow up. There are always exceptions to the rules, and it varies by every single girl. You can usually figure out how mature a female is based on driving habits and ability to deal.

So base it on the girls maturity. Immature girls want to be treated like crap, it makes you seem like you don't give a shit and then THEY work for you. If you treat a 'girl' right she'll get bored and go find some asshole who will donkey punch her. Women on the other hand want to be treated right, if you treat them like a 'girl' they'll tell you to go screw yourself and move on to a nicer guy.


... As far as the friendzone thing. Depends on the scenario. At the bar, you need to be a jerk. Here's a great example: You approach a group of girls. They need someone to hold their drink. Nice guy says sure, jerks completely ignore. Nice guy gets ignored while holding drink and girls talk to jerks and push and tease (holy, just ignore me tee hee). Tease turns to flirt. Flirt turns to sex. Nice guy goes home and masturbates.
Anywhere else, be a nice guy and don't worry too much about the friendzone. If your solo be nice. In a group of guys make yourself stand out, be dickish but not a dick.

[lahnnabell]

I really wish everyone would stop using the word "dick" in place of "assertive". There are perfectly legitimate ways to assert oneself in a situation without coming off like a dick. Learn and practice them.

[bluesummer]

You're right, Cosmo....girls play games, women don't.

So really, it depends on what you're after. If you want a girl, be prepared to start with games and keep them going throughout the relationship. She'll expect it because she's playing the game too.

Your relationship won't go the distance, but have fun living and learning.

[xxazurexx]

I think it's a great shame and when guys think they have to be 'jerks' and to get a female.

I've never ever gone for the 'jerk'. And when younger I'd take my pleasure from shooting down jerks...I just loved to make these SOB's feel 2 inches tall!!....

Simple fact of the matter and as much as men don't want to believe it.....we friendzone you because we don't see you in 'that' way. END OF.

If we ask you to hold our drink in the bar and you do, then we go off to pursue another guy....it is because we aren't attracted to YOU. We didn't run off and because we thought 'Well he's nice, so I will go and find a jerk'.....

If the guy at the bar decided to change his tactics and play 'jerk', as in he decided not to hold our drink anymore.....he'd be still going home alone to masturbate and because the fact he didn't hold our drink won't make him any more appealing and if we aren't attracted to him in 'that' way....

We have to be attracted in THAT way.

When are guys ever going to get it??????

[xxazurexx]

You're right, Cosmo....girls play games, women don't.

So really, it depends on what you're after. If you want a girl, be prepared to start with games and keep them going throughout the relationship. She'll expect it because she's playing the game too.

Your relationship won't go the distance, but have fun living and learning.

Or they could just try avoiding females between ages of 16 - 25.

I was just never that immature where I'd play stupid silly games and is why I have a hard time understanding why others do and no matter how young they are.

It's odd, but the self same females that guys complain about, are the very same females these men seem to have difficulty leaving and when the realtionship screws up.

[Cosmo]

Or they could just try avoiding females between ages of 16 - 25.

I was just never that immature where I'd play stupid silly games and is why I have a hard time understanding why others do and no matter how young they are.

It's odd, but the self same females that guys complain about, are the very same females these men seem to have difficulty leaving and when the realtionship screws up.

So we're supposed to remain abstinent for 10 years because 'girls' (not women) want to play games and be abused?

No thanks. I wanted to have kids by 25 and be married (I mean, I was engaged and my life plan was working nicely). Guess I have to wait until I hit my late 20's to find a woman who is not a girl. Until that time I'll be THAT guy I guess and just conquer some bed rails.

Plus you can say what you want. The nice guy is ALWAYS ignored. It's the guy who says something mean to a chick and doesn't give her attention that gets the most attention from her. The very act of flirting is 'teasing' and the meaner you tease the quicker the game goes.


I mean, how is it socially acceptable now to act like a 14 year old when you're 25??? I mean I am more mature than most 30 year olds I know. I guess I grew up too fast.
Maybe that's why you see so many 25 year old chicks partying with girls much younger than themselves?

[xxazurexx]

^^Believe what you want....and best of luck.