I think I need some space in my relationship...or should I wait?

[Emily_lost]

My bf and I have been dating for 6 years and 2 months. We're both 26 years old. I've never dated anyone else. He's a great guy: loving, sweet, patient, generous, kind, and loves me a lot. I love him too.

While he works with his dad on odd jobs and tries to become a police officer (he's been trying for 4years), I study a carreer full time, work part time and try to learn a new language-plus other family obligations. We don't see each other every day, due mainly to my hectic schedule, but we talk on the phone every night and see each other every weekend without fault.
I was fine with all this until about 2 months ago when I started my exams. Suddenly I found myself craving space. I needed more time to study, more time to be with my friends, more time to read, write and do the things I like to do. Talking with him on the phone and being with him was starting to become a chore and I snapped at him all the time. I honestly contemplated asking for some space- taking some time out of the relationship. I thought all this was due to the stress of my exams and because I was extremely tired.So I postponed talking to my bf, because of this and because on Friday we had a date with my friends (they were giving us both belated birthday gifts) and I didn't want to ruin it for him.

I finished my exams on Friday and the date with my friends went ok. On Saturday we went out with my friends again. He had to leave early due to a family occurence and I was actually relieved when he was gone. On Sunday I spoke with him on the phone and I was more or less fine.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I love him to bits,but somedays anything he does or says just gets on my nerves. I still think it might be the after effect of the exams...he thinks so too and justifies my behaviour because I'm tired and stressed. I'm not sure what to do... wait a few weeks and confirm that it is or isn't exams? ask for some space now? What I do know is that I definitely don't want to hurt him in any way. He is absolutely oblivious to the way I'm feeling... and I don't know how to tell him...because I also think that even if he knew he wouldn't be able to make things better...

Please advise.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't tell him anything, just create some space on your own. If he asks, just say you feel like you've become too dependent on him and you think it's healthy if you guys don't do everything together.

[JohnPoe]

I don't think this is all that troubling. I mean, sure, it seems terrible that you feel a little tired of your guy - but you've been dating for over 6 years? Yeah, in that stretch of time, there's going to be a cool off point. All those little idiosyncrasies that you used to think were cute seem much less so, it seems like you've heard all his stories, sometimes the overt sameness of your relationship can seem infuriating... Happens to everybody. If you ate nothing but your favorite food, soon you'd hate it. Oversimplification, but same basic principle.

You say you love him, you're just sick of him. So yeah, get your "me" time. At this point, I think that if you told him, it might come off as a bigger issue than it is and it could lead to a nasty misunderstanding. On the other hand, honesty and communication are important. If these feelings persist for much longer, consider telling him as gently as you can and maybe take a little trip alone or with friends - shake up your routine. Or, maybe better yet, go on a little trip with your guy and shake up the relationship!

[lahnnabell]

Relationships that have endured this length will go through periodic ruts. That's what this is. You have a lot on your plate already, and you're dealing with the instability of your relationship. It's a lot to keep together.

I agree you should create space on your own. When he wants to hang, or chat, keep it brief. Encourage him to ask you on dates. Coffee, movies, or something a little more exciting. It'll help throw a little spark back into what has become a routine relationship. You'll probably feel a bit better if he starts to own a little bit more responsibility for the functionality of your relationship. It can't be on you alone to work through this, but that also means you have to let go a bit. You have to figure out what you can handle and go from there.

If over time you feel that a relationship isn't right for you at this time, that's okay too. People do grow apart. It's sad, but it happens.

[Emily_lost]

Thank you for the advice everyone. I also think this is some sort of momentary rut. I'm not really sure how to create space on my own, though. How do I avoid our daily phone conversations without telling him that I need some 'me' time?

[devonbrown]

You can tell him that you need some "me" time. There is nothing wrong with that. Remind him that he fell in love with the person you are and you need to take care of yourself. The same way he needs time to take care of himself as well. Explain that this will allow you two to have more to talk about when you do talk as well as allow you both to move forward in your lives so there will be something substantial for the both of you in the future. Try to phrase it as a good thing, not as a negative towards him or your relationship. Just that you want to make sure you don't fall out of love with yourself and resent things because you lost you along the way.
And make sure he knows that it isn't a total break. Cut daily phone calls to every other day. Or every third day or something. Make sure you schedule time for each other too, not just the phone calls and the personal space. Make dates with him. Plan to go out with him. Basically, try to organize your life and make sure he feels that he is a big part of it, but that you need to make sure all parts are handled.

Good luck!

[IncognitoSir]

I pretty much agree with everyone except the whole, "just create some space" and leave him to figure things out. That's not fair, you need to communicate what you need in the relationship and your feelings about the relationship. I think you should treat him the way you would want to be treated if you were in his place. Would you want to be left to have to figure out where this need for space is coming from? It seems selfish to me to leave your partner to adjust to your needs rather than explaining them to him. I know I'd very much appreciate a heads up approach rather than a surprise change in the relationship.

[Emily_lost]

Thanks IncognitoSir and Devonbrown.

I will talk to him. It doesn't feel right to not do so and he definitely doesn't deserve me not communicating. We're probably going to see each other on Friday and we are supposed to have plans on Saturday...I don't know if it's best to just talk it out on Friday, wait it out until Saturday...sigh.

[IncognitoSir]

Problems don't go away until you deal with them. Especially if it's something that's really bothering you, why put it off for another day when you can deal with it today. I can understand your frustration with the situation though, it's a tough spot to be in.

[devonbrown]

Exactly. Don't wait until the day that you have plans to talk about it. Discuss it on Friday, because Saturday would just be awkward for both of you if you don't bring it up.

Good luck!

[Emily_lost]

Thanks, I had decided to speak to him today, but my mother just called me - my dog is dying- and now I don't think I'll see him tonight. My world seems to be crumbling

[Emily_lost]

My dog died,

[Emily_lost]

Thanks for the replies. We spoke and decided to break up. I'm devastated but I guess it's for the best... though, I'm not sure.

[Johnsmon]

Well that seems unexpected...didnt sound like it was that bad an you just wanted a little more time to yourself.

[devonbrown]

Emily, sorry to hear about your dog. But I'm not sure that was the best time to talk to him, with you in such an emotional state and all. Hopefully you will find everything you want out there. Just remember to make sure that you are everything you want to be first.

Good luck.