Okay, so a couple weeks ago, I posted [URL="http://www.loveforum.net/threads/65332-He-s-not-ready-Should-I-give-up"]this thread[/URL] about a guy I was seeing who broke up with me unexpectedly because he just got out of a relationship and wasn't ready. Our relationship was promising and I think he was being very honest with me about his feelings.
I've continued to be pretty cool in the situation (we didn't have break up sex, I didn't stalk him, or do the usual girl freak out). A couple weeks ago, I stopped emailing (I wasn't emailing that much anyway and, when I was it was things like, 'you should check out this band, etc', stuff he was receptive to).
Anyway, a week ago, I decided perhaps it was a good idea to recommend therapy to him (I decided privately, even if he came back to me, I would want him to be mentally healthy and ready before I would consider it). I wrote a very nice email and said that I think he is of sound mind, intelligent, etc. which is why I was recommending it: I felt he'd benefit because of those qualities and perhaps it would help him sort his feelings about past failures, old relationships, etc. out. I let him know that time just equals distance, it doesn't equal progress.
I want to be clear that I did not tell him things he should work on or mention anything about us. It was solely for his benefit.
He wrote back and said he was considering therapy as well and asked if I had suggestions, recommendations, etc. (e.g. my encouragement helped). I responded with good information (I've done therapy before) and also mentioned a place he should check out to take some photos (we're both really into photography).
He did both things I recommended (is starting therapy and went to this location to shoot photos) and ended his email 'Thank you for being you', which was surprisingly endearing given our situation.
So, it seems that, although he broke up with me, I may still have some sway in the situation. (Which I am not abusing)
I'm trying to figure out what the right thing to do is here. I've done quite a bit of reading and some sites say, don't talk, other sites say do talk.
So this is what I'm going to do and I'd like your feedback please:
Since he is in a time when he is working on himself personally and emotionally, I figured I would back off completely for a month and check in with him at the beginning of July. As I understand it, he has no plans to date right now. I know that his therapy in some regards will be about me because he felt I was everything he was looking for and yet, he wasn't ready (I think his issues stem from past relationships, getting over his ex, and fear). This really bothered him.
In this time, I'm also taking care of me, as well. Mentally, physically. I'm quite literally about 10 lbs overweight, so I figure now is a good time to lose it (although, I don't think that was an issue before).
Does this sound like a mature, actually feasible way to proceed and lay the groundwork for getting this person back? Neither of us has been hurtful or manipulative in this process and I really think this is a marriage quality relationship that happened before he was ready.
Thoughts?