I’m only going to get one chance at this, help me do it right.

[kruption]

The situation:

I used to date this girl when I was 18, I’m 24 now. The first time, she was very young, probably like 14. Well, needless to say, things didn’t work out but there were no hard feelings. I met another girl and we hit it off very well. We were engaged and had a daughter together. She wasn’t happy in the long run and we broke up. The thing is, when I broke up with my daughter’s mother, this girl that I dated when I was 18 showed back up in my life. I was completely destroyed by the break up and I tried to explain to her that I needed space and that now was not the time to try to be with me. Sure, she is beautiful and I did like her and wanted to be with her, but my daughter, my fiancée. I loved them and that is where I wanted to be at the time. She didn’t listen to my pleas and she got hurt. We stayed in touch throughout the whole ordeal, and we grew mighty close. We talked on the phone for hours and hours. We probably spent 20 hours a week talking to each other. I really enjoyed talking to her, and I had fallen in love with her in the process. I told her how I felt and she didn’t except it like I had imagined she would. After a few months of this I started to give up on her, and look elsewhere. I mean, she was like no other. When I was down and I was out, she was there, and that means a lot to me because not many would have done what she did. Point being, I moved on and started to date this other girl.

It seemed like, as soon as I started dating a different girl, she came back and told me how she felt. She was in love, and I was stuck, or so I felt. I didn’t know how to tell the one I was dating that I didn’t want to be with her. What made it worse was she moved in to my home almost as fast I met her. As time went on, it became clear that me and her did not get a long at all, and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to tell her to leave. I was between a rock and a hard spot. I told the girl that I was in love with to hang on, and to be patient. Well, me and the “girlfriend” got into it one night and I ran to none other than my real love. I told her how I felt I was going to tell the “girlfriend” to leave, but when it came down to it, I couldn’t do it with all her bs crying. I think that hurt my love very badly because I made and empty promise and I’m so very sorry for that. Anyway, after 4-5 months of dating this girl, I finally got her crazy ass to leave and I’m so happy that she’s out of my life, but now I want what was pushed in my face at the wrong time. This women has done for me what no other has ever shown and I want that.

It’s been almost 10 months since we dated. I moved to my aunt’s house because of some issues. The girl’s mom is staying here also. Just a few weeks ago, the girl a loved started to come around. At first I didn’t care, and I blew her off, but after a few times, my walls came down and I was love struck again. She just has that affect on me. I feel that she is perfect for me and I’d ask her to marry me if the time was right. Anyway, I noticed that our eye’s met very often and it wasn’t just a glance it was the look. The one were your eyes are trying to say something, but I didn’t know what. Well, I broke down and told her how I felt and she went on to tell me I don’t want someone like her. She said she made some mistakes and now she’s going to pay the price. I don’t care about her mistakes; I would love her no matter what. She told me to “hang out.” I wasn’t sure what that meant but I said ok. Two weeks passed. She came back. I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere with her for a couple days, and I got a little down. I think she could tell, and approached me one night. She came and sat on my bed and told me the scoop. She’s two months late. Chances are she’s probably pregnant. It’s to someone who she doesn’t really want to be with and he has a girlfriend and stuff. I told her that it doesn’t change how I feel and I told her I’m absolutely crazy about her. She told me that there are still feelings for me as well. She laid on my bed and talked to me until 6am. I just caressed her, played with her hair, listened and gave her moral support. I have a kid; I been though the agony. Women go through a hell of a lot and I give you all a ton of credit. My point is, however, I absolutely adore this women with all my heart and I can’t miss this opportunity. There is something there. She keeps coming back. We keep talking, we keep smiling at each other, and I keep trying to get closer, but not trying to push. When she’s gone my heart sinks. The second she walks in the door I’m smiling from ear to ear. I have so much going on in my life, I can’t keep having these ups and downs. I go to college and I’ve very busy and this is affecting me, but if all works out, it will be well worth it. My question to you is, am I doing the right thing? What could I do to show her that I love her as much as I do. What more can I do? I’m only going to get one chance at this, help me do it right. Help me win her heart completely and forever.

[Rach]

That is a very, very complicated situation. And as it seems, there are a ton of factors and people involved. You should really, really think about that one before commiting yourself to another child along with the woman.

BUT if none of that genuinely bothers you, that's wonderful; you're a great guy. Tell her you feel that way, tell her you want her and her baby to be a part of your life forever.

If she's a smart girl she'll listen to you. But it sounds like she loves you too, and is just scared. So, give her time to think about it, but if you really love her that much don't let her get away this time.

[kruption]

Well, Today, while shopping at the mall i found out it is sweetest day on saturday. What better way to show her that she's not damaged goods and that i love her more with every beat of my heart. So, I bought a card for halmark that says how i can't wait to show her how much i've missed her and how much i love her. It says everything perfectly. Then i bought a customized marble keepsake that has her name at the top with a poem that goes: Somewhere there is someone who dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worth while. So when you are lonely, aremember this is true: somebody, somewhere is thinking of you. at the bottom is says love always me.
I also want to get a big teddy to and put the keepsake under one hand and the card under the other. What do you think?
and you are right, i can't let her get away this time. And if i do nothing, i think that is what is going to happen.

[kruption]

Well,
I got it all out, and the whole 'if you don't get the anwser you want, at least you'll be able to move on thing' doesn't hold much water. I was told that she still had feelings, but i can tell it's much more than that. This whole baby thing has really been an ugly situation. I mean, i'm willing to stick it out. I've been raising kids since i was a kid and i have one who i love very much. I have no doubt that, being around a child since birth that i'd love that kid as my own. So, that's not a big issue for me, it's trying to support her the best i can, and not push when i'm dying too. Ever since i told her it's been kinda misterous. Like, earlier today, she was in the bathroom and i walked in to give my daughter a bath and as i walked behind her she pushed herself back onto me. She turned and smiled and i grabbed her, gave her a kiss on the neck. She says she has mood swings... but it's just killing me... or the day before last, i'm walking from the bathroom and she's going too, and in the middle we meet and just start kissing... it's a great feeling, but between those moments, i wonder what is going on. all i know is i don't care, i love her and i'll wait...