A possible Happily Ever After Story?

[stargazer22]

I am in need of some advice - thank you ahead of time for reading this :-) Let me give you a brief description (will try to be short). When I was in my late teens/early twenties, I met this girl and immediately fell head over heals. We saw each other for a couple of years just like a normal dating couple BUT neither of us could muster the courage to take the plunge and really tell each other how we felt so the physical component went missing. I loved her so much that at that time I would rather spend time with her instead of risking rejection and not see her anymore. Time passed and we didn't speak for about 8 years, all the while dating others. I got married at 26 (divorced at 30, 33 now) and as bad as this sounds, she flashed through my mind the day of my wedding. I guess I always considered her my "Allie" (The Notebook). Her best friend also told me that I hurt her because she was so in love with me when we were so young. However, many years have passed and I fully realize things can change.

In my early to mid twenties, I became very ill and made what would now be called a bucket list. I promised myself that if I got the opportunity again and our paths crossed, I would go for it. We have recently reconnected and I took her out to a piano bar (even played for her and the rest of the people in the bar) and ended up at her place for the evening. Both of us had waaaay to much to wine and pretty much fell asleep shortly after laying down on the couch back at her place. Having to work in the morning, I quietly woke her up with a kiss on her forehead and whispered that I had to go. We've texted/talked a few times since but not made any concrete plans. Our conversations have been "light" in nature (we both like to kid each other and laugh).

Thankfully, due to time, maturity and confidence, I will not fail to express my feelings this time; however, my ideas have been somewhat limited so far. I'm thinking of taking her to one of the tallest buildings in the city, bringing a bottle of wine, going to the rooftop which has great views and talk for a while. She likes to hear me play and the building has a banquet room off of the roof (which is usually empty) with a full grand piano. I learned the song "Vanilla Twilight" with her in mind. I would dedicate and play the song for/to her and then reveal everything to her. If she doesn't reciprocate, it sure would be an uncomfortable ride back to her place though!! But I feel like no matter the outcome I will feel better about myself and can at least rest knowing I gave it my best shot.

Is this a good idea? How should I handle the ride home should she not feel the same way? I welcome any advice and please don't be shy about sharing any criticisms. Thanks again for taking the time to read and hopefully respond.

[azilin]

How long have you been seeing her, how regularly? You may be moving too fast and will end up broadsiding her. You can certainly let her know that you are attracted to her and want to get to invest time getting to seriously know her. But it doesn't sound like you've spent enough time together to go declaring your love. That could really backfire.

Show interest ... let her interest build. Escalate slowly. Not all at once.

[stargazer22]

Good idea! We've only talked for about 6 weeks after reconnecting - my work unfortunately requires a LOT of my time and we had to wait a while before finding a time that worked for both of us to meet up - more my fault than hers though and I've only been able to see her once as a result. Maybe I should give it a few months huh? Thanks for the advice :-)

[shheadz]

You can tell her now that you're interested in her, but a grand romantic gesture sounds like a bit much this early in your new relationship with her.

[Sallyx]

.... you do know we only live once right?!

trust me. you will regret this if you dont go for it! there will always be things you regret, dont let this be one of them. If it ends badly youll be upset. If it doesn't happen then you'll always wonder 'wat if'

and if she doesn't feel the same, shell handle it. if you make so much effort, she'll appriciate it, and shell make the effort to be kind and not hurt you.

maybe such a romantic gesture is a lot, but you have to try to show her how you feel.
please dont let this be something you regret.

[shheadz]

haha.. I dunno.. Maybe Sallyx is right. I'm a bit jaded towards big romantic gestures since they never seemed to work out for me. Maybe you should just listen to your heart, and do whatever feels right.

[starbuck]

Maybe you should just listen to your heart, and do whatever feels right.

If the heart made good dating decisions, then I would agree with that statement. However, in this case I think maybe he should listen to his brain . No offense sheadz.

I'm with Azilin on this. It might be too much too soon. After all, you're just starting to reconnect with her. Let this happen more organically.

The idea itself is beautiful. I think months down the line when you've established deeper feelings for each other would be more of an appropriate time to unleash your inner Ryan Gosling. (sorry he's the only thing I know about the Notebook and I've never read the book).

[kms]

This one is tricky. If you think she's on the same page as you, then go for it. If you're still not sure how she feels, then you should wait. If I were in her position, even if I were interested, something like that might be a bit too much and may even turn me off a little. You don't want to come off as desperate.

[stargazer22]

Great advice from all! I appreciate all different viewpoints! So maybe I should just let her know that I'm interested and after a while when I think the time is right, then execute the plan? I sure don't want to get back into a "friend" category. Right?

[stargazer22]

Oh she knows I'm not desperate - for dates or getting asked out anyway. I'm no Don Juan but have never had a problem meeting/dating women LOL - don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this in an arrogant manner at all because there's always going to be someone better looking, more successful, etc.!!

[azilin]

I'm with Azilin on this. It might be too much too soon. After all, you're just starting to reconnect with her. Let this happen more organically.

I speak from experience. Met the most extraordinary woman ... we were having the most intense time, endless discussions, sharing, she couldn't get enough of me. I told her I loved her, and she never really believed after that, that I was anything other than this puppy dog that would fall for any random woman. Because as intense as it was, we were only together for ... oh, 6 weeks or so before I pulled that stunt. It was, in retrospect, a fundamental error in judgment, a case of too much info too soon.

From her point of view, I had to earn the right to say that, and I hadn't done so. To her it was bullshit, and disrespectful. She was nice about it, but our relationship was never the same after that. In other words she felt it was presumptuous of me to think I knew her that well in 6 weeks.

I'm not saying every woman's mind works like this, but I would be unsurprised to find this isn't an uncommon reaction. Women, in my experience, are capable of being very romantic because it's fun, but it doesn't necessarily mean all that much to them at a commitment level. You can easily misread them. I would never again so soon declare my feelings, however sincere, to a woman regardless of whatever signals I felt she was sending.

That said, I fell even faster for my late wife, and she thought it was fine and dandy. So who knows ... every woman is her own mystery.

[stargazer22]

Very true azilin! Seeing how I've waited this long, what's a little more time right?

In regard to reading women, that sure is a tough one even with experience! A man rubbed a genie bottle and she came out and said, "I'm not feeling well today so you have one wish". The man responded, "I hate to fly and love Hawaii so build me a bridge from California to there". She quickly said, "Do you realize how much concrete and steel that is going to take? NO, make another wish." So he thought and said, "You know, I've been married three times and would like to understand women, how they think, etc." So the genie quickly said, "Do you want that 2 or 4 lanes". LOL Just trying to lighten things up :-)