Men/Women - Are we ever REALLY confused or just chicken?

[Maple1714]

I want some opinions here...

I was talking with a friend yesterday who has been strung along by a women for the past 3yrs. He loves this woman...she has become like an addiction to him b/c she is so hot and cold. She uses him and he can't seem to let her go. She tells him she doesn't know what she wants. I thought about this all night...people say this all the time. They are "confused" they "don't' know what they want"...etc...so we string people along that we KNOW are in love with us. It's wrong and of weak character in my opinion to use people like this.

My questions is...Do you think people can really be confused like this and not know what they want? Or are they just not being honest with themselves? Are they too chicken to let go of their "back-ups"?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I'd say 95% of the time, 'confused' is bullshit. I have zero tolerance for it, and it means I'm not exclusive until you get yourself sorted.

[VincenzoG91]

I will go a step farther and say that most of the questions in this forum are coming from people who already know the answer but are afraid to face the consequences. Your friend is "chicken", too, because he won't face the fact that this is an unacceptably bad relationship. He could do better than this, but he is afraid to try.

[Maple1714]

I agree with both of you and my friend is chicken. He is afraid of loving himself is what it comes down to. He has passed up real love a couple times over the past 3yrs and it kills me to see him in the state he is. So, it got me thinking about why this girl is so confused? After 3yrs come the **** on. I thought about times when I have said I was confused...it was total BS.

Yes, I think that most of the posts in this forum are from people who already know the answer(s)...they just need to get it out there into the world first before taking the leap. It's hard to do what's right for ourselves.

[PatrikIvarsson]

To me this has always meant that "I'm not that into you, but I don't want to hurt your feelings and hoping you break up with me so you feel better about yourself", Hpow good a friends are you? Have you told him about what you see?

Yes you can be confussed about your feelings but if you tell the other person it's a rejection everyday, all year. When I enter any sort of relationship with a girl, I do think big, because I'm looking for the love to share my life with, so if I do not see the long term potenial, valuations etc. from the start I call it of, but I would never say to a girl on the 2nd date "Oh jsut so you know I want three kids with you!"

I really would give you the advice to talk to him, and have some examples in handy how bad she treats him.

[Maple1714]

The only reason I care so much is b/c I offered him real love...and he chose not to take it This was a while ago...but the talk we had yesterday was the first time I have sat down and spent time with him in over a year. And he looked like shit and was high and drunk and it just sucked...so got me thinking about how people treat one another in general. I also told him that he is going to continue to miss out on quality women if he doesn't kick her to the curb. She is an addiction to him.

[VincenzoG91]

Patirk - we were once very close friends...lovers. We broke things off b/c he wasn't over this girl. The first time she dumped him she immediately got a new BF and started coming to his club with the new guy...2 weeks later! He was so hurt. She would call him up for free concert tix for she and her new BF! Then she started calling him again after she broke up with dude...now she strings him along and tells him she is "confused" and "doesn't know what she wants". Whenever he tries to move on...like he tried with me a few yrs ago...she comes slithering back into his life. He told me yesterday he has to stop talking to her b/c it's just too hard for him emotionally whenever she leaves him...
She is using him and at this point he is doing it to himself. He felt weird telling me all this b/c of our history, but I have moved on and told him its fine. He is just falling into drug addiction b/c he is weak and can't handle the pain she causes him. It makes me so sad...breaks my heart to see someone I once loved very much be treated in this way. I hate this girl...doesn't she realize how much it hurts him and that he is destroying his life b/c of her?

This isn't all her fault. Your friend is weak and foolish. If I was his friend, I would kick his ass, just to shock him back to reality.

[PatrikIvarsson]

Okey first things Drugs, any drugs enhance emotional feelings, so STOP, be a good friend, but in the end it is his life you can only offer support, if he does not want it then there isn't really much you can do.

This is the reason when I break up with someone what I've always done is cut all ties, that means deleting E-mails, texts, numbers defacebooking etc. He has a problem with cuting her of becuase she comes back to him, but enough is enough. Do you know how his parents are racting to this, I mean how would they react if they knew, would they intervien?

It is a hard fight, but we all go through the rough patches but you can not do it if you keep the source of your pain around

[Maple1714]

This isn't all her fault. Your friend is weak and foolish. If I was his friend, I would kick his ass, just to shock him back to reality.

Lol...I know. Well I did kick his ass with words when he broke things off with me for her...he didn't speak to me for 6 months :/ People make their own choices...he is making the choice to let her back into his life over and over again...he is creating this pitiful existence. There is nothing I can do. I just heard through the grapevine that he was suffering lately and so when I ran into him yesterday he asked me to stay and talk with him for a while and I did...

[Eddie Fews]

Well from personal experience, conversations and interviews with many women I know that a woman knows wether she wants to sleep with you or not within the first 3 seconds of meeting you. Now if you look at that last statement on a larger scale I think it would become apparent wether or not they know what they want. Women and men at times string others along as a back up plan while we pursue other interest; so thats certainly possible in this situation.

Are the two of them at least being intimate?

[Maple1714]

Well from personal experience, conversations and interviews with many women I know that a woman knows wether she wants to sleep with you or not within the first 3 seconds of meeting you. Now if you look at that last statement on a larger scale I think it would become apparent wether or not they know what they want. Women and men at times string others along as a back up plan while we pursue other interest; so thats certainly possible in this situation.

Are the two of them at least being intimate?

They are not having sex right now...he said they haven't slept together in like 4 or 5 months. They even went on 2 night camping trip together last week and no sex. She told a close friend of mine a while back when she was first dating him that she didn't love him...she said the sex was good but she didn't love him. She isn't "confused" she just likes his company and likes everything he offers her...he is a popular guy in the "scene" and gets lots of free concert tix etc... She is using him as emotional back-up. Lame. I want her to move to another country.