End of the road?

[Minnie1]

Hi everyone...

I have been married to my husband for 10 years. It's a second marriage for both of us. Our previous marriages both ended due to infidelities from the other partner.

We were extremely happy for the first 7 years but things have been going gradually downhill and I'm now so confused in my head....

Alot of it boils down to my husband not having a great deal of motivation. I am a doer and like to get things done.

We both work full-time, with me working nights and him split day shifts.

Anyway, we have had several periods where I have explained that I feel that I need more help around the house. I do feel that I do most things.

He does like a drink and drinks daily. he is never however abusive or anything like that through the drink, just unmotivated.

Every time I ask for more support he promises he'll start to get things done and for a little while things do get done but they then go downhill again.
sometimes i look around the house at the half done things and could cry

I am now at a point where I ask myself am I being picky or do I just accept things the way they are and accept that if i ever want anything done I have to do it myself.

I do still love him but I am unhappy with daily life.

Please help!! x

[vashti]

I guess if you want to keep him, you will have to accept that you will have to do everything yourself. I am relatively positive I wouldn't have much patience for a drunk, though. Maybe you should try Alanon meetings?

[Minnie1]

I wouldn't say he's a drunk, but he does drink daily.....

My own mother was married to a drunk (much worse than this, he did abuse). I always swore I'd never be in that position, but I am beginning to feel more ad more downtrodden

[kitkitkitty]

well whether you get him to his GP or something, i think that you need to address his drinking first and foremost. like you say you can't carry on living like this and all the while knowing that it could escalate. while he may not have an actual drinking problem as such, better to do things about it now than when it's too late. i'd say talk to him about it. don't mention all the little things but concentrate on how you're worried about his health and all. hopefully the changes in his attitude to helping you around the house will ensue.

[Minnie1]

Thanks and yes I've done this...Sadly I know he wouldn't stop drinking. the silly thing is it hardly affects him!!

I know that this is down to me...I have to decide whether I want to live like this. I guess I feel it's either put up or shut up

[vashti]

if it didn't affect him in some way, he wouldn't be drinking, would he?

[kitkitkitty]

is there any reason, however long ago that he'd start drinking or is it just habit? 'cos if it's a habit and apparently doesn't affect him then he should stop. he should be able to see how it's affecting you.

[Gigabitch]

Anyway, we have had several periods where I have explained that I feel that I need more help around the house. I do feel that I do most things.

This offends me. You work just as much as he does, so why is the house your job and something you need "help" with? Isn't it his house too? Maybe he should get off his duff and take some responsibility for himself, you know, like an adult.

He sounds like my ex husband. I think you're beating a dead horse, but I suggest you keep doing it until you have absolutely had all you can take. That will make it easy to walk away with no regrets. Worked for me.