Girlfriend is my college sweetheart, and we've been together for over four years. We've lived together for a year and a half, and it was great. There have been some good times and bad times, but the good times definitely outshine the bad. We are both in our early/mid twenties, and graduated college just a few years ago.
For the last year or two, I thought that I would marry this girl. In fact, we often joked about what our married life would be like. I already had a best man picked out in my mind, and we've pretty much agreed that the girl who introduced us would be the maid of honor. I haven't asked her to marry me yet, because I wasn't sure of whether she'd say yes, and because the prospect of marriage simply scared the living bejeesus out of me.
We've recently started graduate school for the sake of our professional careers, and will be about 500 miles apart. We've seen each other maybe once a month, and are so busy with our schoolwork that there isn't time for much more than that. Long story short, it doesn't look likely that we'll be in the same city. She may end up being two hours away by car if things go well.
My last relationship before this one lasted for two years, and a year of it was long distance before I got dumped :/
She wanted some space, and felt like she was in it for the long haul.
I think I'm falling for someone else, hard. I've never been this type of person, ever. In fact, I would have had no respect for someone who is in the same situation I am in now had I read this post a few years back. But here I am, and I have absolutely no idea what to do. I can't stop thinking about this girl, and for the last two months, it's been nothing else but this girl on my mind, day in and day out. I would absolutely never do anything with this girl if I find out that the feelings are mutual, just because. Cheating in your mind is still cheating in my book.
I've gotten to be good friends with this girl I just met, and we've been getting closer. I've never tried to make it obvious that I have feelings for her, and she's too good of a person to not do the same if she had feelings for me too. I'm not going to waste your time singing praises about how intelligent, funny, and beautiful this girl is, but that is how I see her.
What should I do? I really don't think this is just some passing crush, because I've had those before when I was single. It's getting to the point where I will look for her every time I enter a room, or when I'm walking down the street. I look up at her apartment every time I pass by before I remember that her window doesn't face the street. If I see her date someone else, I know it would break my worthless, miserable heart.
I've been lucky in that I have been compartmentalizing my feelings, and am getting good schoolwork done despite having this girl on my mind all the time. I can't talk to any of my friends here about it, because they're all friends with her. I can't talk to any of my old college friends, because they're all friends with my girlfriend. It's gotten to the point where I've seriously considered having some sort of conversation with my girlfriend over Christmas break, which I know would break her heart into tiny pieces.
I think my options are:
1. Avoid the new girl (tried, superbly unsuccessfully)
2. Call my girlfriend up now and tell her the truth
3. Not tell anyone anything, ever, and hope this stupid thing resolves itself, somehow.
4. Wait until Christmas break is over, when I won't have much contact with this new girl, and see if it's real or just a stupid passing crush after all. Also, just because I don't forget her in a month won't necessarily make it real.
5. A deus ex machina
Can someone help me solve this?