I am 21 years old next month. I've been with my partner since I was 17. We have two children together. We're getting married in 6 weeks time. My partner hasn't always been the best, he's hit me once, he's had a coke problem(he's only just quitting now), when both of our sons were born he wasn't there for me, I had to cope with a premature baby by myself at just turned 18 after a horrific csection, and had a csection with our second where he left me to cope with both by myself. However in the last year he has finally got a job, started being a good dad and being there for me, we've been arguing a lot less and been generally quite happy.
The only major problem between us was a guy who I've been in love with since I was about 13 (he is my best friend's brother), he never wanted to date me but there's been alot of times over the years where we have kissed and such. He decided to tell me he loved me just after I had my first son, I don't know whether it was the nearly dying or what. I am crazy about him aswell but I am not going to simply up and leave my partner just for him. We have kissed twice since (which I told my partner about, he forgave me) I've been with my partner, I try to avoid but he has unexpectedly turned up on nights out then he spouts all this .. I love you, leave Kev, I'll look after you and your kids, we'll be together.. blah blah and when I've had a drink it's abit hard to tune out. It's the never knowing that is killing me as he's my first love. Then when me and my partner split up over something not related, he didn't want to know and said he couldn't handle me and my kids. I have since told him to never speak to me again and that I don't want to see him.

My head is really messed up over all of this and I really regret not going for it before I had my children and met my partner. I love my partner, I just can't get him out of my head and I feel really wrong to get married while I am feeling like this. I don't know how to get him out of my head. It was 3 years ago he told me he loved me and it still drives me insane. I think about him all the time, I get nervous and butterflies around him. I've never been like this with anyone else.

Has anyone else any experience of anything like this? What did you do? I need help on getting him out of my head. ;x