I'd really like some advice, has anyone been in a similar position? I feel weak, pathetic and helpless and don't know where to turn next. I know how've i'm got into this position - because I was vulnerable after a nasty breakup end of last year and it was way too early for me to get into anything with someone else. I completely ignored the early warning signs as am/was so desperate to find someone.
I met this guy through a dating web-site and we agreed to go for a drink. We were immediately attracted to eachother and are both like a party so hit it off initially. It was very intense and we saw eachother every day. He is divorced - has been for 5 years. I soon started to see signs, his moods were really up and down and I could smell alcohol on him a lot. I tasted his cola drink once and it tasted of vodka (we were at his house and it was in the morning) but when i asked about it he got really cross, defensive and said it was just cola. I was too scared to push the matter further in case i was wrong plus he gets very agressive (verbally not physically).
Anyway as time went on and I noticed all the vodka bottles I realised he was an alcoholic. He admitted it. It also transpired that he had his own business but it had gone under and his work now was sparadic and he had no money and was behind on mortgage payments and risked loosing his house. He was also on parol for a drink driving conviction and had not been turning up to meetings. He was depressed too and had been prescribed anti depressents.
Anyway so I stuck with it and thought that I could help him - I lent him money and gave him my cash card to use to buy food with once but found out over �300 had been taken from my account. He did eventually pay it back but i consider this stealing. He read my text messages and email messages and found an email to my best friend explaining some of this. He went mad - shouting at me - calling me a disgustting c*** and other things, saying that I had betrayed his trust and that everything I had said to her was lies about him. They weren't but I started to believe they were the more he went on. He made me phone my friend in front of him and say that they were lies.
Anyway he fogave me for this and we carried on but he doesn't trust me now. We got quite drunk one night and he fell asleep and I looked on his ipad (i know i shouldnt' have) and found messages on a dating web-site and hook up site to girls just some days before. I confronted him and he said it was because we had been arguing and I didn't have sex with him enough. Just to explain this - he doesnt' like kissing on the lips and won't kiss me much. He says he doesn't like it. Well kissing is everything to me and I think its an important build up before sex. He always smells of alcohol and cigarettes and it turns me off. I feel dirty almost.
But he told me he loved me and I forgave him and so we tried again.
Now he is basically living at my house, the place is a tip (although he is sweet and does cook for me quite a bit and do DIY) but if i say the wrong thing or do something he doesn't like he flies off the handle and shouts - he says things like im stupid and pathetic and is really horrible until I cry then he tells me to stop crying. He goes back to his house briefly to feed the cats and see his lodgers but he stands to lose his house so just hides at mine and drinks all day. On the odd occasion he goes home and I have tried to ignore his calls and texts he calls repeatedly until i answer and come get him or see him - and once he even climbed onto my roof and got in through my window and was in my house when i got home! He is also very threatening when he isn't happy with me - has even threatened to burn my house and hurt my family.
he has taken over my house, smokes in the house all the time even though i ask him not to, he is really clumsy as always drinking and breaks things, his moods are all over the place, he won't me watch things i like on the TV like soaps or films as says they are for stupid people and doesnt' like them. I can't do anything - i feel trapped.
I do care about him and because of my insecurities I like it when he is on occasion nice to me but he is a walking time bomb and is making me feel like i'm crazy. If i bring anything up he says its all in my head and it is in fact me that is horrible to him. i have lost loads of confidence - i have started to think im stupid even but i am not strong enough to get rid of him. And i am worried about him - he is in a dark place and i think he is actually a good person underneath and think i secretly want him to change.
What do i do? Help me, i'm at my wits end.