HELP *** I made a wrong comment *** HELP

[AnthonyCasta]

Oh my .... I will try to make this as short as possible ...

I have been (re)-dating this girl for a month now, and we go out a lot .. I always pay, as I feel I should... Most reciently, we went to disneyland, I bought her an annual pass so that we can continue to enjoy our time there ... Of course, all theme parks are expensive, now after we have a lovely evening, I took her home, we were talking to her aunt, and she made a comment of how expensive the parks are ... STUPID me, came back with "Why are you worrying about it ... You're not paying" ... at the time it seemed like an ok comment ... Ofcourse, she didn't take it the way I meant it ... I was just trying to say that she doesn't need to worry about it, it was my treat ... .

At any rate, she turned cold as ice ... I saw her the next day and she had the same atitude ... I finally got the chance to talk to her about it, and I apologized, and I told her that I realize my mistake ... At any rate, she told me that she doesn't want to go out with me until she can afford to pay her own way ...

Its so funny, because a few days ealier she was talking about how she can see her self living with me .. Why should this small comment affect us ...

I am so concerned about this, I know it is bothering her, I can truly say that I have never felt like this about anyone else ..

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to make it up to her??????????? ....

Thx in Advance ...

[misombra]

how old is she?

[NeoSeminole]

your comment to her "why are you worrying about it? You're not paying" was pimp. Don't feel like you need to apologize. You did the right thing. She is spoiled and you made her realize she is not pulling her equal weight in the relationship. I don't think she hates you for it. She probably just feels embarrassed that she is dependent on you for money issues. You should give her a little space in the meantime. Maybe encourage her to start paying for herself on dates and compliment her when she does.

[shh!]

Do you make a habit out of pointing out what you have paid for, or is she just extremely sensitive? Do you allow her the opportunity to reciprocate the kindness you show by treating her to everything?

If she is just extremely sensitive, then all you can do is apologize. However, I wonder if there is some level of resentment on your behalf about paying. If so, then cut back. She shouldn't have to feel guilty about what you treat her to, nor should you give to the point of resentment.

By the way, your post is sure to bring out every misogynist who visits this board.

[Cybog]

ssh!, do you mean every guy who is willing to stand up for himself, instead of letting women's vaginas pave the way for them?

Good job for you Anthony. Call a spade a spade. Or in this case, a mooching princess who needed to be put in her place. (Similar to ssh!)

[shh!]

haha - you are so predictable Cybog!

[Lloyd95]

So the money-hungry-gold-digging-biatch got called out, huh? I'm guessing she's about 20? I really wouldn't sweat it, she'll come around; you apologized, next move is hers.

[Mish]

At any rate, she told me that she doesn't want to go out with me until she can afford to pay her own way ...

I think the above comment from her was very inappropriate. Not every date needs to be a paying date, two people can enjoy spending time together without needing to pay for something. Best things in life are free. There maybe more history to this than we know, in any case you can't really make it up to her except talking about this. I think if she likes you as much as you like her, this really should not be an issue.

[bluesummer]

Your fault for paying all the time, her fault for not offering to occasionally.

You both f*cked up. Start paying 50/50 and move on.

[Cybog]

Not every date needs to be a paying date, two people can enjoy spending time together without needing to pay for something. Best things in life are free.

That's easy for someone who isn't in the position to be paying for dates to say.

For all you guys out there, go ahead and tell all of your future dates that you don't want to ever have to pay for a single thing in the relationship. Everything will just "come to be", because the best things in life are free. Make sure you let them know that if the two of you want to go anywhere, she will be the one paying.

I'm sure that with this frame of mind, the girls will be flocking to you like the Salmon of Capistrano.

.......women.

[Cybog]

I just realized that Mish isnt a woman, but that damn sure sounds like something sshh! would say.

[bluesummer]

Hey now Cybog, not all women are the same.

My bf was a ****ing freeloader for 3 yrs, so I know how it feels to pay for everything. I would never expect a guy to pay for anything for me.

[shh!]

WTF Cybog? Can't you read? I already SAID he should not be giving to the point of resentment, nor should she be taking to the point of guilt. Can there not be a happy middle ground? Not everyone is as attached to money as it seems you are, you know.

And for the record, before I was married, I lived with a good for nothing, freeloading boyfriend, so I've had my share of paying for plenty. I've just been able to put it behind me and realize that not everyone is out to take without giving. There is a difference between being a sucker and being generous.

[Mish]

I just realized that Mish isnt a woman, but that damn sure sounds like something sshh! would say.

That's Okay, easy mistake to make due to my LF nick. My gf and I pay for everything 50 / 50. But only when we do something that requires paying. Most times we are happy to just be by each other's side even if it's just watching a movie at home or doing something together like playing tennis (It has been like that ever since two weeks into the relationship). I think it's the quality time spent together and not the money quantity spent in the relationship that counts.