What to say/do to calm my boyfriend?

[HereComesTheSun]

Okay, so i am going to a concert with my girlfriend tonight, we planned to go there early, find our hotel, attend the concert and then stay overnight. Come back to town tomorrow night when its okay for her to drive as we plan on having a few drinks.

This was something my friend had invited me to a while back, and she just wanted it to be a girly outing so i didnt ask my boyfriend to come. Not because i didnt want him to.. Just because it was her trip and tickets to begin with.
My boyfriend feels like i have blown him off and that i didnt want him to come. Which isnt true..
Well now hes acting all upset about it, saying he cant believe im actually going to this, he tried to say that he would fall out with me if i stayed over night.. I explained that i was going, not to worry and that i love him. But its not enough..

I spilled my heart last night to him, explained how much he meant to me, how much i loved him and explained i was going to be good.. He just kind of ignored it and was cold towards me which hurt because i was trying my best to make him feel better. Then this morning while he was at work he said that i never take any notice of what he says or feels.. That i dont give a sh*t..
Like.. UGH. Im going to a concert and im not going to get upto anything bad.. I just want to go and have some fun with my friend.

Finally, he just text me saying 'Have fun babe xo'. Like this is definitely sarcastic.. He even hinted he was going to take our house moving plans off the chart, saying he didnt know anymore unless i stayed home with him.

Will someone give me some advice what to say to him? I hate when he's upset like this.. I understand he's worried i will do something, but i also think he is showing me this in the wrong way.. He makes me feel like he's too much sometimes and that i want to run away from him..

Any advice would be great.

[qwertz]

Dump him?! To be honest he sounds a bit like a control freak and/or he doesnt trust you. Dont communicate with him unless he initiates it in a genuine nice way, just go out and have a good time, you dont have to report back to him. He should trust you and if he doesnt? well its HIS problem. He sounds pathetic.

[HereComesTheSun]

I just wanted to add, there is a reason he doesnt trust me.. Well i have never cheated on him and i would never, i dont believe in cheating while i am with someone.. I just dont like it. But last year in November, we broke up after a huge fight. He was the one who broke it off and pretty much ignored me for weeks. I was at home heartbroken for those couple weeks while he was out drinking and partying with his friends.. After about 3 weeks i got off my butt and started seeing someone else. I did it for my own sanity i needed something to make me feel better and the attention from the new man did just that.
To cut long story shirt, the new man told me he loved me and i wasnt ready for anything like that so i broke it off with him. Fast forward a couple weeks my boyfriend said he wanted me back, that he made a mistake. I missed him so much i said yes and we have been together since. He found out about the new guy and was p*ssed i hadnt told him. I didnt feel the need to tell him an knew it would cause even more problems..

Now he thinks i am just some wh*re that everytime we fall out im going to go find someone else. Every argument we have this gets brought up and he says 'its just what you do, go sleep with someone when we fall out'.. I dont.. I wouldnt have ever done that if i thought we were going to get back together.. But i just felt so lonely and upset it was the only thing that got my mind off him. I tell him this but he says i just find excuses to justify what i do because i cant accept responsibilty.
I didnt think back then i was doing anything so wrong, but now i feel like i did a bad thing and that he is right sometimes..
I also dont want to be too 'up' on myself, but i know i am good looking. I am pretty and men always seem to hit on me, flirt with me etc.. I dont take no notice even though sometimes i like the attention.. Makes me feel good and such.. but i dont need their attention, my boyfriends attention is always enough. But he says that i bring it on myself and that they hit on me because i make myself appear 'easy'.. It hurts for him to say stuff like this.. Because i dont think its true.. But this is another reason he doesnt like me going out without him. He says im 'vulnerable'.. Like wtf!?

I dont know, i just wanted to get both sides of the story in so i can get accurate answers. Thanks.

[HereComesTheSun]

Dump him?! To be honest he sounds a bit like a control freak and/or he doesnt trust you. Dont communicate with him unless he initiates it in a genuine nice way, just go out and have a good time, you dont have to report back to him. He should trust you and if he doesnt? well its HIS problem. He sounds pathetic.

Thats what friends have said, that i shouldnt entertain him unless he is being nice to me.. But i just dread to think how much he would freak out if i ignored him while he was calling nagging and b*tching.. Ugh. He would just go NUTS. He will turn it against me and make me feel like sh*t about it and that i did something wrong.. I just dont know what to do with him sometimes. He is a little controlling at times. He just bugs me when he is like this.

[girl68]

Just go, you've said your peice if he can't honestly let you go have a good girly 'ole time he's a dipshit of a loser. I mean really one night away- gimme a break. Second what qwertz says: he's a control freak. He doesn't want you out having a good time because it's threatening to him.

Go, enjoy yourself and leave him to be. If he can't get over it you should re think some things.

[girl68]

OMG he's mad he dumped you and you dated someone!? That shouldn't be a facotr in the trust equation at all. Your bf is an insecure, controlling loser.

[HereComesTheSun]

Just go, you've said your peice if he can't honestly let you go have a good girly 'ole time he's a dipshit of a loser. I mean really one night away- gimme a break. Second what qwertz says: he's a control freak. He doesn't want you out having a good time because it's threatening to him.

Go, enjoy yourself and leave him to be. If he can't get over it you should re think some things.

Thanks, i fully plan on going with my girlfriend. I am so excited to go, i would never turn this down for him. I just cant imagine how he is going to be while i am away. My phone is going to get *bombed*.. lol I just wanted to find a way for him to be happy and if there was anything that i could do to make him feel better about it. As i know there is going to trouble when i get home too.. Oh well. I know if he continues to act this way i need to leave him. But i do love him alot and would hate the thought of being without him too. Thanks

[surfhb]

Well...you're relationship is doomed. You can either stay with this guy and live with a crying bitch and be miserable or you can be with a real man

[qwertz]

You should turn your phone off or leave it at home.

[HereComesTheSun]

You should turn your phone off or leave it at home.

That would only intesify the problems we have.. I dont want to hurt him. Im going to keep my phone on me and reassure him that im okay and everythings good. This would honestly drive him crazy.. Although it would take a lot of pressure off, i dont want to feel like crap while im trying to enjoy my night.. But i know that doing something like that, he would cause me misery for a while.

[girl68]

You have 2 options turn off your phone, and "feel like crap" or leave your phone on, be bombared with annoying calls and texts and hence "feel like crap".

[devonbrown]

I agree with what others have said regarding your boyfriend being controlling and immature. Worse than that though is that you have allowed yourself to be brainwashed by his emotional abuse into making yourself feel bad about things you did which weren't bad at all. Your bf threatening you that he will "fall out of love with you" if you stay overnight with your friend is ridiculous and the kind of emotional manipulation that sleazeballs like that use to keep you under their thumb.

I can understand you wanting to make him feel better and not be worried, etc. The fact is there are only so many ways and times you can tell someone something. If they don't want to listen, they won't listen. You have done what you can to help massage his stupidity. Now it is up to him. However, you can take the power back by letting him know that he can either start acting like a mature adult or get the hell out.

Good luck.

[HereComesTheSun]

Thanks guys. It means alot, i completely agree with what you have said. I have allowed him to be like this because i baby him. Sad but true..He just is currently trying to say if i love him i will not go to this concert and stay with him instead...lol His desperation like this turns me off so bad sometimes..Jeez.
I am going to keep my phone with me and on, but i warned him that as soon as he starts threatening or trying to talk me out of being there i will turn my phone off. I definitely do need to take control of this situation, thanks again, this helped so much.